 |
AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate March 1997 |
|
AOL NEWS YEARBOOK Earthdate March 1997 |
|
THE MONTH IN BRIEF March was another bleak month... more lag, more problems, more planets disappearing into limbo. Hazed gave up telling people in advance when new code was going to go into the game, having been stung so often by promised code not actually appearing, and introduced the Game Status page for instant updates on new code as well as reports of any current game problems. Finally, some new code did actually make it into the game! The promotion requirements were changed for the jump to JP and GM; the COM command was disabled in the Solar System (see below for technical explanation), Game Hosts were renamed DataSpace Hosts, and Navigators on duty were shown as such on the WHO list. On the social side, Fed was abuzz with talk of the first slave auction (reported below) which was so popular that for weeks afterwards the Fed Mailbags were full of requests from people desperate to be slaves!
The Galactic Administration's much-heralded Galactic Positioning System (GPS) has finally begun testing, although it is not yet available to mere mortals, only to Ming and his top scientists. Unfortunately, this state-of-the-art technology is still in its infancy and the transmitters used to send out positioning information may occasionally interfere with the use of personal communicators, especially in highly-populated areas (see Note 1 below). Note 1: The "COM" command will no longer work in the Solar System (see Note 2 below). Note 2: You will still hear com messages that are sent from other planets in the Sol duchy.
Many people have wondered why Federation's TechDroid goes under such a long and difficult name - Cryptosporidium. Some suggest that it has deliberately called itself something hard to spell to stop irate players pestering it about all the things they perceive as being wrong with Fed; some even go so far as to suggest that the name is a protection against Our Illustrious Leader, Bella, the creator of the Fed universe (and notorious bad speller) ever being able to tell the TechDroid what to do! But in fact the origins of the name lie far, far back in the mysteries of time... well, a few years ago, anyway. For at the time when it was deciding on a name to call itself (having previously been known as Pegasus, the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the entire Galaxy, now immortalized as a mobile) it was struck down by a virulent stomach upset caused by contaminated water. So it decided to call itself after the organism that caused the problem - Cryptosporidium. Since then, outbreaks of Cryptosporidium occur in water supplies in the UK and the US every couple of years. Right now, parts of London are suffering from the dreaded bug and the populace is being advised to boil water before drinking it. We came across this FAQ explanation in a local newspaper about exactly what our TechDroid is, and thought Fedders might find it interesting! - What is cryptosporidium? It is a tiny parasite, cryptosporidium parvum, which lives in the intestines and produces a virulent toxin. - Where does it come from? The parasite, too small to see with the naked eye, lives in animal manure and can be washed by rain into streams and rivers, getting into water supplies. - What harm does it do? It causes cryptosporidiosis. The egg-like form of the parasite, known as oocysts. - Is it fatal? Occasionally, in those for whom rehydration and other measures do not work. - How do you become infected? By drinking contaminated water, by contact with farm animals or by person-to-person spread. - How can you kill the oocysts? By boiling the water for at least one minute before drinking it. No action needed for personal or dish washing, bathing or toilet flushing. Wash your hands after using the toilet and before handling food. - Why is the bug in our drinking water? Most water sources, such as lakes, rivers and streams, contain some oocysts. The organisms are highly resistant to chlorine and other disinfectants which kill bacteria and viruses in water. - Is it worse now? Oocysts are so small that conventional water treatment cannot remove them all. Two dry years in Britain have made it easier for the parasite to get through cracks, without being filtered out by chalk layers, to end up in water supplies. So there you have it. If you start to feel queasy when you see Federation's TechDroid, it may not just be the fear that he is going to close Fed down for maintenance and thus deprive you of the pleasure of running your factories... it may be that he has contaminated Fed's water supply, too!
Recently Hazed held a question session in Fed which was very successful - you can download the log from the library. There was one question that she was unable to answer at the time, but she put the question to Our Illustrious Leader, Bella, aka Alan Lenton, the creator of the Fed universe, and has now received an answer. The question was from WOLFINS and it was, 'Will IB ever implement the theory of Merchantilism, or a fixed amount of wealth in the world, to counteract inflation? There should be people that don't ever make it and people who are able to make it.' Alan answers, 'This is unlikely. If there is one thing that capitalism can have unequivocally shown over the last 200 years it is that wealth is a product of human activity and as such, it is not a fixed quantity! So there you have it.
At long last...he's back! When we finally found Icedrake after a several week absence, he started telling us a fascinating story about being held hostage by a strange cabal of planet-owners, and of his trials and tribulations to escape. We were all set to run the story in the news, until our beloved Demi-Goddess Hazed explained the real reason he was gone - he'd accidentally handcuffed himself to the kitchen table and couldn't get into the room with the computer! (At least it was in a place with good things to eat.)
It was a peaceful day at Chez. Icedrake...he was calmly sipping his morning tea and dunking pieces of planet into it when a letter arrived. Ah, the devourer of planets thought, fan mail. Seeing it was from a player, who shall remain nameless, he eagerly ate the envelope to see just what was inside. "The next time you're in Fed," Icedrake read out loud, "you might want to check out a hospital to get whatever is stuck up your butt removed...." Hmmmm, Icedrake thought. Does this guy know something that he didn't? Curious, Icedrake rushed off to the Earth Hospital and demanded that some exploratory surgery be performed! "Thisss could be a matter of life and death!" Icedrake exclaimed. And so, the doctors began to explore in an effort to see, in fact, if anything was stuck up Icedrake's butt. Before long, Doctor Blackadder had managed to hit pay dirt, so to speak. "Good God," the doctor exclaimed. "It's... the planet Dryal!" Yes, that's right! All this time, the very first planet that Icedrake devoured has had a surviving fragment stuck in Icedrake's butt! "Free!" the surviving pixies exclaimed. "We're free! Hee hee hee! Kissy kissy! We love you! Kissy kissy! Hee hee hee! Tee hee!" Still stretched out on the operating table, the large white dragon vowed to track down the pixies and eat them again if that's what it took. Digging a bit further, the surgeons soon made another discovery--none other than the dreaded LordTzum, ruler of the (original)planet Warzone! "Die die die die die die die!" LordTzum screamed. The surgeons decided that perhaps he was better off where he was before, though, and shoved him back in. The surgeons were almost done when they made one final discovery. "How odd," the surgeons mused. "Some player seems to have misplaced this thing called, 'a life'." They stroked their chins, puzzled. "Then again, it seems like it's more than just one player these days..." All of this completed, Icedrake was given a clean bill of health and was free to go on his way. So for all those players who have been so very concerned, don't worry, he's just fine. Of course, now the question is, when will you go in for YOUR exams? The proctologists are waiting....
Last Thursday night saw Chez Diesel, the Social Centre of the Solar System overflowing with denizens of the spaceways eager for the Great Fed Slave Auction. The evening opened with an exotic dance performed by ElisaLicck and very enthusiastically received by the swelling members of the audience...in fact, by the time Elisa wiggled her way offstage the crowd had already exceeded the Galactic Administration safe occupancy maximum of 70 beings. The heat and din of the crowd were overwhelming as the crowd chanted for the auction to commence. Sales of drool cups and binoculars were brisk. Squire Arrogantx of Daemon, auctioneer for the night, introduced each prospective slave with an insightful description of their potential and charms. The crowd went wild each time another slave stepped up to the auction block. Buyers from all over the vast reaches of Dataspace questioned and closely examined the properties. The bidding was heated and frantic with buyers shouting out and the crowd cheering. BlazaGlori fetched the highest price of the night being sold for 500 megs for 1 evening's service! MousE, ElissaLick, and WenD also fetched high prices in the multi-hundred meg range. Terms and conditions of sale were agreed to prior to the final sale. The slaves all seemed quite pleased with their 80% share of the winning bid. A spokesdroid for the Emperor Ming said that the Imperial tithe of 20% on all sales would be used to support educational and charitable projects such as the Emperor Ming's Trust for the Restoration of the Martian Ruins and the Imperial Training Centre for Wayward Boys and Girls.
Normally when we get suggestions for new commands or ideas for the game, we let the the TechDroids handle them. We do not reply to all of them for the fact that we receive so many each day that it's nearly impossible to take the time to write back to each person. (This does not mean that your ideas are ignored.) But this command came the this NewsBot's attention and I couldn't let it pass without a response from the higher powers of Fed...
After reading this, I petitioned for a reply and found out that this can be programmed but not quite the way we'd hoped. Here is the response I recieved...
10. BLAST SNERT WITH TDX
10. DD every other PO.
10. Alan Lenton="NET ON AN
ALL"
10. That guy who was hauling for
you a month ago is now your Duke.
Fed is down and here we sit. Then just as we're ready to begin a
build It's five in the morning, but it'll
be back soon! Then finally you let out a rousing
cheer!
Ok, this is 5 easy steps to getting arts facs, free! 1. Become a PO and make lots of
friends. (Of course, i really don't recommend this for anyone mentally sane.
MEGA-FASHION SHOW ON MARS! COME ON DOWN TO CHEZ DIESEL AND SHOW ALL THE OTHER SUPER MODELS WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF! Yes, friends, today we'll be showing you all the new fashions for '97! I'm sure you'll just love all of the clothes options we're giving you. Of course, you COULD just make your own clothes, but then you might risk showing some creativity! So, go out and buy some of these clothes right now! And here comes Model #1! I'm sure the guys will love this look! >ex Model1 Model #2 is wearing a device models will like! >ex Model2 Model #3 is wearing a very practical look. >ex Model3 Model #4 is... well... see for yourself. >ex Model4 Model #5 is modelin' the 'lag' look! >ex Model5 And now for something completely different... >ex Kintaro78 KRAZY KWOTES "I think that Kintaro78 should
be lynched for the benefit of all mankind." "I wish I had the ability to
control the thoughts and actions of all the beings around
me."
I would now like to tell you about the richest people in Fed. The richest person, is, of course... That guy in the office block! Yes, although he may look bored and depressed, he is actually filthy rich. You would be too, if you collected 200 ig from every player. It is rumored that he actually bought the office block two months ago. The second richest person in FED is the insurance salesman. Long thought to be several different people, the insurance salesmen of Fed are actually a hive mind, working together to suck money from Arena addicts. Plus, they also get 100 megs from every player wanting to zero their insurance premium. Honestly, who could possibly get killed THAT much? Unfortunately, the agents often face fines for cruel and unusual punishment, which leaves them at #2. The third richest person in Fed is everyone's favorite... err... "entertainer", Diesel. Diesel has absorbed thousands of megs from her fine drinking establishment, Chez Diesel. Diesel's income does not however support her lifestyle, keeping her under continuous investigation from Ming's goon squad. KRAZY KWOTES "Cash... never leave home without it." - The owner of that mansion on Earth "Don't get mad at those groats... they aren't afraid of you. After all, there's nothing you can do to them that inflation hasn't already." - Kintaro 78
Your comm unit crackles with a
message from THHAWK1, "can anyone tell me how to
beat any of the stat puzzles Your comm unit relays a message from JarsofLuck, "Channel 6 is closed for today... If you would like to talk to one of our representatives please leave a message. Your comm unit relays a message from TomsPetCat, "Of course, the lag got so bad that I found the GM on my planet.". Your comm unit relays a message from Slicer634, Dang! I was going to sell my soul to the devil but I already gave it up to Bella...". Your comm unit relays a message from ZorraNoche, DOn't you just hate flying through space in your spaceship and watching the turtles pass you by down below?. Your comm unit relays a message from HUMBOLTKID, Is there a way to get to Jarrow without a ship?. Your comm unit relays a message from Hukphin, "i think the best strategy is to marry a hauler. come on honey, we'll spend some quality time emptying wares". Your comm unit crackles with a message from CEMEDIC, "what planet is castillo on" Your comm unit crackles with a message from ShaunaMari, "See, these are the steps Steve Case is taking to upgrade access - he punts ME all the time! To make room for everyone else!" Your comm unit signals a tight beam message from Kammerkazi, "Sheesh...how can ya be angry in this lag...by the time ya get your words out....you could have counted to 1,000,000,010...". Your comm unit relays a message from MPOHaver, "what does sol mean". Your comm unit relays a message from PizzaBoy66, "600 ton hauler here if anybody needs one, delivery in 30 GTU or it's FREE". Your comm unit relays a message from SKP420, "what does Krystal the mouse do". Your comm unit crackles with a message from ImGinnys, "what's a PO and how do I get it?" "Isn't "InvisibleMan has just vanished" a redudant phrase?", asks DarkPanda. Your comm unit relays a message from MAXofEARL, "The lag has gotten so bad that my workthinges have started sell their munchies back to the exchange.". Your comm unit relays a message
from MAXofEARL, "If Columbus had had lag like this
to deal with John Glen would have discovered the
Americas.". XT I like my idea......meet people at the meeting place for newbies on earth...give them 200000. Then help them buy a ship ...tell them to pay it off....then lead them to your planet...and abandon them. It is a shoe in to win the TTTT. LOL Your comm unit crackles with a message from DarkStar42, "Is it true that IB has installed ABS All-wheel Disc Brakes on FED so it can stop on a decigroat??" (from chatroom)
|