**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 90.12.09 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE Actually, this isn't the usual H-by-A news. Due to a malfunction in our news writing droid (which, incidentally, we believe was due to sabotage) we have had to take on additional staff in order to meet our very tight schedules. H-by-A would like to apologise in advance for this bulletin. And now for something completely different. It's.... ======================================================================== -- The SpyNet Sport -- -- Stardate 208148 -- ======================================================================== SOAPBOX CORNER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yes, it's true, the Super, Soaraway, SpyNet Sport is back (and we've gone back to our rightful name). "Why so long since the last edition?", we hear our regular reader cry. Well apart from dodging the Galactic Administration's Fascist Bully-boy Death Squads intent on silencing us forever, our intrepid blob-on-the-wall investigative journalism team has been hard at work on another Thoroughly Investigated True Story for your delight and delectation. Those of you who remember our last edition will recall the sizzling expose on Gonzul who had not died dead-dead as many believed, but had been kidnapped by Space Aliens (they're here, they're here) and subsequently seen alive working in a 7-11 store amongst the fleshpots of Sirius II. Naturally, we thought this was far too good to stop at one story, so our fearless blobs were despatched to Sirius II with instructions to dig the dirt. So in-depth were their investigations that it was several months before they were seen again. We now have a large collection of 'Gonzul Seen Alive Shock Horror!' stories that we can't use! It seems that the corpse mysteriously resurrected itself and appeared in Fed Data Space the day before our team arrived on Sirius II. Such are the perils of seeking the truth. Maybe we'll have to do the Michelin Guide to Sirian Fleshpots instead. Anyway, on with the news. In this edition we bring you... * Absolutely no mention of the size of Bella's arse * Not a word about those red-eyed alien scumbag TWF so-called journalists * Maybe a moose story or two But first, we have some stuff that H-by-A want us to put in. Frankly we have our doubts about the accuracy of it but here we go anyway. PROMOTION NEWS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Piemur FINALLY cracked the GM puzzle and got himself promoted (we've always said the puzzle was too easy). Not content with that, he then went on to become GEnie's first Explorer. Those of you who don't want to hear about planet-building should avoid him for a while.... No sooner had the dust settled on Snark than Florence made GM as well. This is particularly remarkable for someone who was dead-dead just a few weeks ago! If you tire of hearing how well Piemur is doing every week you'll like this one.... Current holder of the Richest Person in the Universe title is now Jim. That's Jim who used to be Slipperyjim, not Jimhuge (of whom there will be more later). BELLA-MUCKS-ABOUT-WITH-THINGS NEWS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here we go with the usual 'A week in the life of Our Illustrious Leader'. and now use the cargo bay number instead of the commodity name. This was covered in last week's news but wasn't actually in at the time! To recap briefly, you now use and instead of spending 20 minutes trying to spell correctly! The ETU has been devalued by Imperial Decree. "Huh?", we hear you ask. And since you asked such a thought-provoking question, we will answer. The exchanges now run through their cycles more quickly and as a result produce and consume commodities at a higher rate. This should lead to more chances to make a disgusting amount of money in a very short space of time, which is just as well given the large number of Traders currently roaming around. The rewards on Monty Pirate and Pegasus have been reduced. Since the change in the way space-going mobiles regenerated, these two have become far too easy to kill so the rewards now reflect this. If anyone feels REALLY strongly about this, the reward values will be returned to their previous levels and the Imperial Groat will be devalued to compensate for it. Our money is on the reward values staying where they are now.... NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW THIS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The # key, which repeats the last command unless it was a fighting command or contained a number (in other words, unless it was a useful command or involved a lot of typing) can be used to repeat PART of a command. Let's suppose you're storing a full cargo load; after you , you can use <# 2>, <# 3> and so on. The # causes the to be repeated, and you supply the rest. There are lots of occasions where this works, so it's worth experimenting a bit. You can use the name of a player's ship in (and other) commands instead of the persona name. This is part 47 in the series 'How to deal with names like Cryptosporidium'! TWF ARE OUT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ H-by-A, the company that brought you the very wonderful (and not too expensive) Idiot's Guide (the Universe's most popular guide to Federation II (now available from GEnie (just type ORDER at any Fed menu))) has put in a bid for the now deserted TWF offices on Mercury. Since the move to GEnie, the TWF scumbags have all departed for the fleshpots of Sirius II to spend their ill-gotten gains on rubber horses, leaving the premises vacant. A spokesthing for H-by-A said "Hah! I'm not talking to you prats!" After further investigative journalism, a trip to the pub, and a very expensive lesson in reading an autocue, we persuaded him, her, or it to say "Up till now we have been operating out of Diesel's upstairs room, but business is booming, the pile of used condoms has started interfering with our work, and we need bigger premises. Besides, Diesel is getting stroppy about us using the photocopier. If the deal goes through....sorry, can you wind that back? Where was I? Oh yes...we will totally redesign the offices - clear out all the TWF refuse like old coffee cups, half-eaten pizzas, Moose corpses and Amigas (we can't tell the difference anyway). You won't recognise the place". Following this incredibly long speech, the spokesthing wandered off into a corner and began making improper suggestions to a passing droid. We left in disgust. BOZO OF THE WEEK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We said there'd be more about him later, and here it is. By popular demamd, the title of Bozo of the Week is awarded to Jimhuge. That's Jimhuge who has never been Slipperjim, not Jim (who used to be Slipperyjim). Don't you just love all these similar names? Anyway, it seems that Jimhuge has been irritating all and sundry to such an extent that he has become the person everyone loves to hate. A spokething for Isher Weapons reported that sales were running at record levels as everyone tooled up for the great Jimhuge hunt. We mentioned this case to the SpyNet Sport Agony Droid and it is optimistic that he will improve once he gets through puberty. COMPANIES AND FACTORIES (YET AGAIN) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just to clear up some of the confusion, this is the current state on ownership of companies and factories. Anyone with 2-meg to spare can set up their very own company. Eventually this purchase will become the preserve of JPs and above, so if you want to get a company started but don't plan to make JP for a while, now is the time to buy! Buying a factory requires you to own a company first. Speculation is that those who buy a company before the change will still be able to buy factories after the change whether they've reached JP or not. So now you know! THE OBLIGATORY MOOSE SHOCK-HORROR STORY! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In our last issue we disclosed what REALLY went into Diesel's pizzas. Following further investigation, we can now reveal the the left-over moose heads are in fact being purchased by Piemur for use in his bizarre goings-on deep in the Martian Ruins. Quite why a grown man would want to dress up in a moose head is beyond us, but we will no doubt find out soon! OOPS, WHAT HAPPENED HERE? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ H-by-A have asked us to pass on the apologies of their Nontechnical Department who, during the course of the week, manage to mess up the online Idiot's Guide beyond all recognition. This is currently awaiting fixing by The Great God GEnie, so if you have problems downloading the file, please bear with us! CONTACTS ~~~~~~~~ The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed, Cryptosporidium, Bella or Clem in the game * leave a message in the game log * send mail with the Federation Feedback option from the main menu You can order a copy of the unexpurgated Idiot's Guide to Federation II by typing ORDER at any Fed menu. Cost - a mere $12.95. Federation II has a category in Scorpia's Games RT. To get there, type M805,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 29. The Scorpia RT also has a Federation II library in the files area, Library 22. **>> BULLETIN ENDS