**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 92.02.16 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> SOAPBOX CORNER Those of you looking forward with eager anticipation to another dose of Hazed's worthless... erm, sorry, deathless prose are about to be disappointed. For reasons known only to herself, she is locked in the bathroom and refuses to come out. Only one thing can save the news... the Vile Cryptosporidium does it! On second thoughts, the only thing that can save the news is to shoot the Vile Crypto and be news-less for a week. **>> THE BELLA-MUCKS-ABOUT-WITH-THINGS SECTION (Clem hates that title.) Apparently, planet owners will have to sell their factories by the end of the week. Or they'll disappear. So don't forget. During the unpleasantness over the holiday period planet owners lost a lot of groats from their planet treasuries. They have now all been reimbursed by a large-bottomed Reimbursement Officer from the Galactic Administration's Department of Reimbursement. This has made quite a difference to the Conclave, not to mention causing a large increase in the rate of Galactic Reimbursement! Planet treasuries will now receive the proceeds of all financial transactions carried out on a player planet. All of them, that is, except for the one's where it won't get the proceeds. The exceptions are buying and selling factories and warehouses. There are, naturally enough, reasons for this but they're so complicated that we can't tell you what they are. **>> H-by-A GO MAD IN AMERICA Much as it breaks my heart, I have to admit that H-by-A have made a mishtake. Well, actually, Hazed has made a mishtake, which just goes to show the state she gets into when I don't keep an eye (or equivalent) on her. It seems that when she said the Fed UnCon was being held at Crowne Plaza, Washington she actually meant Crowne Plaza, Rockville. From where we are, they're close enough anyway. Those of you worried that Hazed won't be able to keep her promise that I won't be allowed to attend are going to find your worst fear coming true. Yes, my Vile Presence WILL be making itself erm... known. Which should be enough to drastically cut the attendance. And if anyone knows where I can hire a portable phone for the duration, mail details to Hazed! **>> FROM THE BIT BUCKET... As you will know the command leaves messages for the Galactic Administration's Department of Typos and, just to prove that they *do* get looked at, here are some of the cream from recent times. "How about if you add a command to buy something other than pizza? I'm sick of it." Try . "BIG PROBLEM... when in the maze and you get logged off for whatever reason you lose what you were carrying... like the #&%#(*^# whoosh." Correct. "I think the lv is missing. I looked every 10 minutes and its not here. Other people looked and couldnt find." You obviously looked in the wrong place then. Or one of the other people was lying to you. "Bella the spanner has disappeared. We have searched ALL over Sol for it and we can not find it." See above. "Some of the exits are not listed in the room descriptions." Correct. Some people just want things to be *too* easy. "Recognize is spelled wrong when indicating the presence of the vandier." It's in Rigellian. "Everyone is kissing and I'm in my ship." Join in. "I just got an error going from Sol to Venus." Thankyou. I wonder WHAT the error was! "I have 850 tons in 1 bay of my warehouse... is this normal?" Dear Worried, This is nothing to be concerned about. Many people find they have this problem and you must not feel that people are laughing at you behind your back . You will find that these feelings become weaker as your hormones get back into balance. Your spots should clear up in due course, but you may want to seek professional medical help for the hairs on the palm of your hands. **>> SCANDAL AND STUFF A thrilling missive from Occy tells us that "I now a 7.4 giga for my head... Odds put 1 then 2 then went for the gusto to 7 giga Russ's 400 megs still stands". Quite what this means is anyone's guess - we just thought you'd like to see the sort of drivel we have to go through to put a news issue together. Apparently the planet-owning Oxcart still does milkruns - for fun! Personally we think he must have the social life of a kumquat if that's his idea of fun, but there's no accounting for taste. Those of you who read the Valentine's Day news special (which you ALL did, didn't you? (and no, Hazed didn't make ANY of them up (honest!))) will know that Maxis has once again proclaimed his undying love for this intrepid reporter. For some reason he's now trying to deny this well-known and indisputable fact, claiming that he is now involved in a fulfiling relationship with a dead cow that he found floating (and bloating) in the Interplanetary Wastes. Said corpse was previously owned by Oxcart and presumably made its escape while he was busy doing a milkrun. **>> PROMOTION NEWS Someone has been promoted to Explorer and is proclaiming death to the Conclave. He, she or it didn't sign the letter (probably a wise move) so we can't tell you who it is. The beautiful Angel has been promoted to Merchant, as has Mirth. Lordecstasy has become a Trader, and Vixen has made Adventereuse. Well done chaps and chapeuses. Maxis (my own true love) stopped prostrating himself at my feet (or equivalent) for long enough to make Explorer. Presumably his planet will be a shrine to his eternal love for me. Lex has been promoted to Trader and also told us that Blackmark made it to Explorer. Maybe that's who was proclaiming death... **>>CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed, Bella or Clem in the game * leave a message in the game log * send mail with the Federation Feedback option from the main menu You can order a copy of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation by typing ORDER at any GEnie menu. Cost - a mere $12.95. Federation has several category in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). There are also categories for Explorers and for the Conclave; these are run by Occy (Mail ID: OCPAC). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS