**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 93.05.09 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> NEW STUFF Bella has just about completed the overhaul of the game code, and has tested it thoroughly and rooted out any bugs (she hopes!). The new version of the game will be going in sometime in the middle of the week. We've been mentioning new features that the re-write has produced in the last few weeks' bulletins, but here is a summary of what you can expect: Warehouse and cargo displays will show you the price per ton you paid for the goods. A new command, will reorganise the goods in the warehouse on the specified planet, putting all goods at the beginning and all empty bays at the end. If you don't specify a planet, as always, it will default to the planet you are on. You will also be able to use the command to move goods into empty bays, without it complaining about mismatched goods. Factories will be numbered individually for your company, so the enormously long numbers will go. If you sell a factory then buy a new one, it will have the same number. Dukes and Senators building components for their naval bases will be able to carry the builds over a reset, but the builds will have to be restarted after the game fires up. **>> WEDDING BELLES The big news of the week is the celebrations for Tellurian and Noe's wedding. A stag night for the groom was held on Wednesday night, and Noe's Bridal Shower on Thursday. Unfortunately, the special correspondent who was going to send us a full, unexpurgated report of the two events got so drunk that he, she or it hasn't yet regained consciousness. If, when they sober up, they are capable of giving a coherent account, we will print it in the next news. Even before the bachelor party, Tellurian was anxious to experience as much as possible before marriage slowed him down. Freya was seen licking strawberry juice off of his chin at an informal party on Insanity; later, he and Hazed went off privately for a spot of tea (that's a euphemism we've not heard before). Way to go, Tell! Certainly, the buildup to the wedding was far more exciting than the actual event, because when it came to the crunch, Noe decided she just couldn't go through with it. She returned Tellurian's ring and didn't show up at the church. The jilted groom didn't seem too upset, however. He decided to carry on with the ceremony without Noe, and asked for volunteers from the congregation. When two women presented themselves as candidates for his hand, he was unable to choose between them - so he married them both! Glurg officiated - not the best choice, we thought; he didn't really seem to know what was going on, and kept losing his place. He wasn't helped by his obnoxious snake, Squeege, who was running a book on how soon the marriage would break down! Glurg had already screwed things up: he'd promised to build a special Chapel of Lurv and Honeymoon Hotel, and taken care of all the arrangements - photographer, choir and so on - but through sheer incompetence, they weren't ready until the day after the wedding! This was particularly annoying to us newsdroids, since we'd paid a great deal of money to bug the heart-shaped bed. And so Tellurian was joined in bonds of holy matrimony with Ni and Zodiac, who didn't seem to take the ceremony all that seriously. Still, we're sure the wedding night was extremely exciting for Tellurian, and mildly interesting for the two ladies. **>> D.I.V.O.R.S.E. PART I Tyieze and Menace's marriage has been on the rocks for some time. The birth of their child, Twiglet, might have saved their marriage: but it didn't. Now they have announced they are to divorce. Menace will continue his burgeoning friendship with Akiko, and Tyiez will carry on carrying on with Zagmar. We understand Menace will get custody of the child. **>> D.I.V.O.R.S.E. PART II There's hints of trouble in the marriage between Jade and Glurg. He's been spotted consulting divorce lawyers! We interviewed Jade, and in between the sobs we found out a number of facts: * Glurg is the one who first mentioned the word divorce * Jade still loves Destiny! * Glurg feels they do not talk enough. Jade feels it is difficult to talk while bonking. * Jade does not want to leave Glurg, because she is afraid that without her restraining influence, he will return to his old piratical ways, and she fears for the safety of Fed Data Space! * Destiny swears he will stand by Jade even though she ruined her reputation by marrying Glurg. We'll keep tabs on Jade and Glurg, and bring you more of their problems next week. **>> LEND ME YOUR EARS Does anyone know why Menace is so keen to own Glurg's ears that he is willing to pay 100 meg for them? Is he starting a collection? If so, we suggest his next acquisition should be Oxcart's codpiece, which would only only form an attractive centrepiece and talking point, but would also double as a coat hook. **>> IT PAYS TO BE WELL READ Anyone who reads the news knows that there are certain people in Fed Data Space that you just don't trust. If they tell you to walk into a particular room: don't do it. If they guide you in a certain direction: go the other way. Poor Hans is obviously not a fan of the weekly news bulletins, or he would never have followed Tellurian's directions. He was stuck in the Martian Ruins, and Tell told him the quickest way out was to go under the Altar. Yes, we realise this is technically true, but we don't think Hans expected to wind up in the hospital! **>> NEW HOT SPOT Samantha's on Castillo is no longer the favorite spot for nookie. The latest hot spot (and we mean that in all senses of the word) is the hot tub on Akiko's planet, Mirai. Trouble is, all our attempts to bug the room have failed: the steam just messes up our electronic equipment. **>> CONNECTIONS... One wonders whether Emmi's told Maxwell or Glurg about each other (over Jade already, eh Glurg?), whether Menace, Dolphin or Valtras have anything they care to admit about Castrator (ugh!), or whether Altasren and Sheba both having commsoff and their ships parked on the Mirai LP is more than sheer coincidence? **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES There's been just one change to the status of the duchies. Oppiz has seceded from Khan's Neutarus and joined up with Freya's Vitro. There are several people working on planets at the moment, so we expect some new places to explore soon. **>> SPYNET REVIEW It's been a quiet week for promotions, obviously everyone has been concentrating on the lighter side of Fed, hence all the gossip reports! The new Captains are Harrison, Teehanie and Roger. Seth and Emmie became Adventurer/euses. The Traders Guild admitted Gordarkar and Ryan. Ishmee, Nie and Ariadne were all promoted to Merchant. Well done, all of you. **>> BULLETIN ENDS