**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 93.10.03 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Destiny plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> THE OFFICIAL STUFF Before we hand over to this week's Guest NewsDroid, Bella has asked us to pose the following question: Was anyone making a hyperspace jump when the game crashed yesterday? If so, please tell us where you were jumping from and where to - and if you have a capture we would love to see it. **>> STOP PRESS! HOLD THE FRONT PAGE! Next time you speak to Glurg, you should call him Sir. He's been promoted to Sentator. The thought of GLURG having access to the Galactic Administration's purse-strings fills us with horror - we expect a Galactic Stock Market crash any day now! The reason he was bumped up was because Menace solved the Duke puzzle and now has his very own duchy. He'll start recruiting planet-owners as soon as he has figured out how to run the thing! There'll be no SpyNet Review this week, we'll hold all the information over and do a bumper edition next week. And now... over to Destiny! **>> PARTYTIME! Oktoberfest. Fremd. Party. Need we say more? Quite a few people were on Fremd for it and all seemed to be having a good time. Ramius, the host, danced the night away with his lady, Hypatia. Others joined in (see accompanying story) and had a blast. We really can't remember much of the party, however. Can someone turn down the music? Our heads are pounding... **>> GOSSIP AND SCANDAL Not much happened this week. Quite boring, actually, except for a couple of itty bitty items. **>> LIKE BROTHER LIKE... BROTHER? As some of you know, Blackadder and Telidon are brothers who finally found each other. Apparantly, these two have the same taste in women. They both were seen with Marissa during the recent evenings. One wonders if they see her at the same time or do they switch off every other day? (If they do either, we do not want to know. Even us newsdroids have SOME semblence of good taste!) **>> MAHWIAGE... The surprise of the week! Jade, the ex-spouse of Destiny, and more recently, of Glurg, has remarried! And to Occy! Quite a shock to everyone involved, we hear. Especially to Occy, since he doesn't even remember proposing to her. One thing we would like to know is... considering that Jade hasn't been seen in Fed lately, you wonder how they could have gotten to such an intimate relationship in such short spurts... unless of course... well, nevermind. We shan't reveal the dirty details. To continue on the topic, we think this may be the perfect marriage. However, we're not sure who got the better of whom... rather, who got bamboozled. We are almost positive it was Occy. Sorry, dude, but when it comes down to it, women are the masters (mistresses? Hmm...) of hoodwinking men... and getting them to enjoy it. And what of the honeymoon?! Eyewitnesses tell us that the [happy] couple were seen basking on the foggy beaches of Dunnottar. Our biggest fear was that Squeege (formally of Sapien) would be tossed out onto the streets so Occy can take over his tank. But we were just informed that the tank lays empty in Jade's bedroom, for Glurg had cut him in half and eaten him. (Squeege, you idiot!) On a tangent... of sorts... Glurg was quite distressed (as you can tell by his eating of Squeege) with this event. He was heard muttering something about Jade carrying his baby. When confronted with this, Jade promptly replied, "He just gave me the baby. I didn't want it, so I gave it back to him." And the story goes on... who will next fall victem to Jade? **>> MAHWIAGE, PART DEUX Blackadder and Gypsyrose. Blackadder? The one who was seen in compromising prositions with Marissa? We're not totally sure, but we believe that Blackadder and Gypsyrose were married on Friday... and Blackadder was seen with Marissa on Saturday. My, how love lasts in this day and age! Congrats to the happy couple and please let us know where to send the flowers for the funeral. **>> BIRTH OF A ZERO After a prolonged labour, Noe finally gave birth to a bouncy (we know, we dropped him) baby boy-being. Noe and Looney are parents. It's true! The name they chose is even perfect for the family. Zilch. Nothing. Nada. ZERO. I'm sure the parents were thinking of the child's future when they chose this name. And if that wasn't strange enough, the baby was abducted soon after... but was found safe on Nemesis. No one knows who kidnapped the child... (or who would WANT to), but he is now safely back with his family. One of the suspects in this case agreed to speak to us if we would assure his anonymity. He said, "No, I didn't take the child. What would I DO with such a thing? Nope. Not me. I may be a pirate, but I'm not crazy!" Suuure... we believe you, Dread Pirate. **>> ANOTHER SEPARATION? Emmi? Leaving Maxwell? There was a time when we thought the sun would sooner go out that Emmi would leave Maxwell. However, it seems as if that time may be nigh. Emmi was seem "playing house" on Source with Skurge. And the guest baby was... of course, Zilch. It seems as if Emmi wants a child, but Maxwell is unwilling to give her one (or maybe it's just something that should remain unspoken... you know... ) Need some ginseng or oysters, Max? **>> SOME LENS CLEANER (AND SCORECARD) PLEASE Semaphore and Azure were seen fogging up the lenses on Earth this past evening. When Menace popped on, Azure promptly asked him if he was watching. Perhaps she thought he needed to learn something? Or perhaps she just liked being watched by her (ex?-) lover? (And all this time, we thought Semaphore was a woman!) **>> POUNCE ON IT! Pouncer, the newcomer who raced up the ranks, feels as if she needs to race through all the available guys in Fed. In an exclusive interview with her, she said, "I feel as if I haven't accomplished anything yet. This is my way of doing something for myself and for the less fortunate" For more information, please contact Pouncer... no permanent address, but she can be found in Samantha's most of the time. The line may be long so be prepared to wait. **>> DANCING PARTNERS? Sean had an interesting dancing partner this past evening. During the Oktoberfest party on Fremd, he was seen dancing with a certain lady (who shall remain nameless). We're not sure if the godfather would approve, however. Sean, please make sure your insurance premium is paid. **>> IMPORTANT SENATORIAL NEWS Now, back to our regular programming.... **>> SPORTS You need a scorecard to keep track of who is bedding whom. Without naming names, a certain rich person was seen with the following fed females... (without mentioning their names, of course): the blue lady, the astrological woman, and a pussy cat. We've got the names of others, but can't print them for we haven't been able to confirm the stories. We definitaly don't want to mention the kitty's name for don't want to get Icepirate angry. We know how he likes to commit suicide by challenging people to duels. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. You can order a copy of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation by typing ORDER at any GEnie menu. Cost - a mere $12.95. (New edition will be available shortly - and this time we really mean it!) Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS