**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 93.11.14 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> GUEST NEWSDROIDS Many thanks to Emmi for being our Guest NewsDroid last week. We've now got guests lined up for December and January, and are recruiting for February (it pays to organise in advance!). Both of our volunteers have been Guest NewsDroids before - and we'd like to get some new blood! Step forward if you would like to compile the news for a week. If you're nervous about that, start off by writing me single articles. Remember, I pay groats for anything I use. **>> ALL QUIET... Thankfully, the appalling crashes we suffered over the Halloween weekend have stopped now. A number of theories have been advanced about the causes of the crashes and other strange things; here we bring you a selection of the best theories: Theory #1 - The game has developed into a rudimentary form of artificial intelligence, and it was playing up because Bella was out of touch. As soon as she returned, it started behaving itself again. Theory #2 - The crashes were part of Glurg and Tellurian's bid to gain ultimate power over Fed Data Space. Theory #3 - The crashes were part of the Godfather's bid to etc. etc. etc. Theory #4 - The troubles all began when Oxcart's Halloween planet was linked into the game. This cannot be a coincidence! We believe that all the problems were manifestations of evil, part of Satan's bid to etc. etc. etc. Take your pick! **>> EAT YOUR GREENS! This weekend we were supposed to bring you the special UnCon planet, showing what happened during the Fed UnConvention last May. Sadly, last minute problems prevented the planet being available. We hope to bring it to you at a later date. Instead, Hazed's planet Cabbage has been linked for the weekend. This is the world she has written to be used as an example in the forthcoming new edition of the Idiot's Guide. A walkthrough of the planet will show you how things look to the explorer, and the workbench files will show you how the effects were achieved. Even demi-Goddesses are not perfect, however. We're sorry if this statement shatters some illusions, but we have to say that Hazed screwed up. An error in the movement table meant that if you walked into the second half of the planet, you couldn't get back without dying... although the only death location on the planet was so entertaining it was surely worth it! She also made her Space Bunny too fierce: it attacked on sight and managed to kill an awful of people before the warnings went out not to hang around in Lupus space! The movement table errors were fixed next day, and a new section of space was provided for the lethal Space Bunny to romp in. A new mobile was also added, after several people told Hazed a rabbit story she hadn't heard before. Cabbage will be in the game until tomorrow morning, so take the opportunity to visit Jessica's Bar, ride on a snail, go to Bugs', Harvey's and Brer Rabbit's houses, have a swim, climb a tree, eat a carrot, play with a brain and get mauled by the killer rabbit! **>> THE AFTERMATH The major damage caused to personas has now been repaired, and Bella is now in a position to look at other claims for losses caused by the crashes or other wierdnesses. If you lost a small amount (i.e. 20 meg or less) see Hazed, Bella or Freya in the game to claim your reimbursement. If your company got wiped out, see Cat 14, Top 7, Ms 39 in the BBS where Bella has posted what she thinks people are due. Losses from disappearing spybeam shields, and other large losses, should be submitted by GEmail - use the "Send Mail to Sysops" item on the main Fed menu. **>> FROM RAGS TO RICHES Freya has regained her lost position as a Senator in record time - it took her less than two weeks to climb back from GroundHog. We were a little suspicious about the speed of her rise, and wondered just how she had managed to do it, so we sent in an undercover NewsDroid (the one we disguised as a coffee machine a few weeks back) to find out the truth. It returned with tapes full of her exploits, and we were not really surprised when we viewed them. As you all probably guessed, she regained her rank by screwing her way to the top! It seems she offered her body to a large number of Fed's rich and powerful, who were only too glad to pay over vast fortunes for a taste of what had hitherto been reserved for the Godfather. Among those that financed her rise were Glurg, Tellurian, and Oxcart (yes, she was that desperate). Even Oddball dragged himself out of retirement to exchange several gigagroats for a night on the tiles with Freya! Strangely enough, Groundhog Freya was just about the only female Poor Person that Menace -*didn't*- offer money to in exchange for sex... So far, so predictable. But we wondered if there was more to it, so we dug a little deeper. What we found shocked us to the core! Freya had an ulterior motive in using this method to regain her Senatorhood. She wasn't only concerned with the speed of her promotion; she was embroiled in a sinister plot. For while she was pleasuring those gentlemen that financed her advancement, the Godfather's cameras were rolling, collecting the scenes on film; every movement, every sigh, every moan. The Godfather's game is blackmail. But he doesn't want money, he is after something more important than groats: power! He now has most of the Senate in his pocket, and can ensure that the Galactic Administration turns a blind eye to his criminal activities. The generosity towards Freya had another effect, which the Godfather will also find extremely beneficial. It mopped up a great deal of the excess cash sloshing round Fed Data Space, depleting many fortunes. Now planet owners wanting to borrow money to promote or to build find there's no-one left to finance them. The rate of promotion at the top of the game will have to slow down, thus ensuring that those the Godfather now controls will not be challenged by new blood. This plot by the Godfather has been a long time in the hatching, and it is now apparent that Freya's d-d was all part of his scheme - she died on purpose, and all her protestations of grief were a cunning act to gain sympathy. One can only wonder what this evil man and rapacious woman will do next to consolidate their power! **>> GIVE PEACE A CHANCE While Freya was preparing to solve the Duke puzzle, there was much speculation about who would be bumped up to Senator. Krell had intended to become a Senator months ago, but somehow she always managed to get outbid. This time, surely, she'd have laid enough cash on the line to make it. Obviously we were intrigued because of the balance of the duchies in the ongoing war. With Niun and Jim on one side, and Bochiman and Menace on the other, if anyone other than Krell promoted it would have an enormous effect on the game! So as Freya repelled the Martians and saved the galaxy from a fate worse than death, breaths were being held in anticipation all over Fed Data Space. Imagination the surprise when the Duke propelled upwards was not Krell but... Bochiman! Imagine the speculation that went on: did he mean to promote? If not, was he going to be cross? If he did mean to promote, was it because of the war? Did he think that Senators had some kind of secret powers? This threw all the Hell planets out into the cold - and our newsdroids at last wondered if they could use the headline "Hell freezes over" that they had been saving for an appropriate occasion. With Jim deciding to take break from managing Crime, it left things in an interesting position... Then Menace went d-d by accident! Is there something in the water that's making high ranking players die? Menace isn't sure yet whether he will return - judging by Freya's rapid advancement it shouldn't take him too long if he does decide to come back, and many players (on both sides of the war) have said they will help him out. So now there are only three duchies, and two of them are run by absentee landlords! At last, peace has broken out in Fed, although not in a way that anyone would have expected. Our special political war correspondent has written us an overview of the two-week war: **>> CEASEFIRE CALLED The war-that-wasn't-a-war to many of the inhabitants of Federation Data Space ended abruptly this week, with the promotion of Bochiman to Senator when Freya successfully completed the insidious Duke puzzle. Within hours of the promotions, Niun posted a call of ceasefire on the BBS, and much partying commenced in the smoke-filled dens of Fed space. Now for a recap of the highs and lows of the war: A declaration of war is posted by Duke Niun of the duchy of Ocean on the BBS. In it, the duchy of Ocean lays out detailed plans to fire on any ship registered in the duchy of Hell, and to wage economic warfare on the Hellish planets. Much saber rattling is done by both sides, and the denizens of Fed who fear they may be shot at scurry about to reflag their ships so they won't be caught in any crossfires. Scattered reports emerge that various members of both sides have tested the 3-day notice of intent to fire, but nothing is done to accelerate the war footing. The day of the deadline comes and goes, with very little action seen. Several ships are seen exchanging shots at one another, but nothing deadly occurs. As the first week of hostilities wears on, more firing happens, and several people affiliated with Hell are broken financially, as they continually make repairs to their ships. Smugglers on both sides make claims of large amounts of groats to be had, and Hell destroys the Ocean defense fleet (to no avail, it seems). A calm descends over Fed Space on Halloween weekend, with smuggling taken out of the game to allow for the promotional planet to be linked in. Several hours of heated combat ensue that weekend, with more people losing large amounts of groats on ship repairs. Then things get interesting. Over the weekend, Bochiman puts up an embargo on Ocean, since there's no way Hell can be hurt with smuggling disabled. Much comm-lashing occurs over this action, but nothing major happens. Yet. Almost as though Fate herself had stepped in, when Fedders come on that Monday night, the embargo on Ocean is still up! A fleet of Ocean supporters take ample opportunity to pillage the coffers of Hellish planets that night, until the embargo is removed. That is, until the next night, when it was back! This repeated nightly until Fate, in the form of Bella, stepped in to correct the problem. Our newsdroids overheard figures being bandied about of somewhere between 500 meg and 1 gigagroat (!) being made by a handful of people who had the guts to brave the Hellish customs fleet (beefed up considerably during the time smuggling was taken out of the game). As expected by a number of people, the shooting aspect calms down to occasional sniping by various people the second week of the war, as both sides dig in and do what they can to economically hurt one another. And that's basically where the war stayed, until that fateful night when Freya saved the galaxy from a fate worse than death! As Freya completed her mission, the announcement of Bochiman's promotion to Senator brought whoops of joy and laughter from many people. Our newsdroids report that a huge party was held by Ocean, as the members felt that they had succeeded in their goal of breaking up the duchy. Niun then calls a ceasefire on the BBS, since the duchy of Hell no longer exists. Bochiman, in his own inimitable style, crows about a victory, and accepts Niun's surrender. This newsdroid however, has suspicions that Bochiman decided to take the easy way out by bidding a large amount of money to become senator, rather than actually try and help his duchy. Several newsdroids kept close tabs on the financial aspect of the war, and report back that Hell was definitely hit harder than Ocean was in the conflict. The unsuspecting Hellish planet owners didn't know how much cash they were actually paying out to the intrepid smugglers of Ocean. The smugglers would like to thank the Hellish planets for their generosity during the war. One must wonder what would have happened with Xhit, with the cessation of hostilities. A favoured status of 50% was placed on Ocean, which showed Menace was having his own ideas about where things would progress. Alas, we'll not know what those were, until such a time he that returns to begin the long climb back up the ranks to Duke. His going dead-dead this past week has sent many a planet owner off to ponder their future. Who will take up the reigns? Zippo? Topper? Looney? All are known to be working on the duke builds, and all we can say is, it's going to be interesting! **>> A GRIZZLY TALE It seems there is an unconfirmed rumor floating about FEDspace these days involving Hazed and Glurg! Hazed was asked directly if it was true and she adroitly avoided answering! The rumormonger said that Hazed and Glurg had been seen walking through the tunnels on Mercury together. (Together!? Sounds suspicious..) Upon rounding a corner, they encountered the grizzle! The grizzle got a hungry look in its eye and began advancing towards our hero and heroine at something more than its normal ponderous rate. Senator Glurg immediately sat down and began putting running shoes on. Hazed, observing this, was somewhat confused, and said to Glurg, "Glurg dear boy, don't you know that you can't outrun the grizzle?". Whereupon Glurg answered, "Of course I know that! But all I have to do is outrun YOU!!". Marcia expressed her doubts about this rumor. She pointed out that it was inconceivable Glurg or Hazed would walk when they could teleport! While this is certainly a strong argument against the veracity of the rumor, a subsequent occurance seemed to imply that it might be true. The unfortunate rumormonger was paid an unexpected visit by Senator Glurg! Through some kind of comm unit malfunction, we were privy to the occassion, at least from one side of the exchange. It seems Glurg had appeared carrying a pillow and a bucket of some foul-smelling substance. Apparently, he liberally applied the substance to the poor, woebegotton rumormonger, followed by a dousing with the pillow's contents, because the poor monger shortly thereafter requested a 55 gallon drum of tar remover from any Good Samaritan willing to part with it! (Unfortunately, the Samaritans haven't made it to FED space yet...) The NewsDroids are seeking any further clarifications of this question. **>> DEATH OF YET ANOTHER SENATOR Well it seems that the season on Senators is still open. This week's target was the righteous Senator Occy. The Senator was relaxing in a familiar drinking establishment showing off snapshots of his fleeced lovers when the stranger entered with death in his eyes. Occy paid the person no mind at all since most people look at him that way. The stranger said to Occy 'Oh, you're one of those senators.' Occy's reply was simple and straight to the point that he was the first and best of the Senators. The stranger took a seat next to the Senator and offered to buy him a drink. Occy accepted but was bought a Hillary Health Plan instead. Occy slumped to the floor and died on the spot. The Killer, sneering over Occy's lifeless form, said 'Is there any thing else I can get you Mr. Senator?' With no reply, the Killer disappeared, leaving the scene of his crime. The other patrons of the bar were shocked. Several volunteered to aide the fallen Senator. One, with a book of arcane spells, tried necromancy to no avail. Another found some equipment leftover from the Halloween weekend and promptly set up a Laboratory. This yielded no results either but it created an impressive rendition of Andy Warhol Frankenstein for the onlookers. Other methods were also tried (many being unfit to appear in this fine publication). When all hope was lost, several of the spectators started to divvy up Occy's possessions but it was noted that no one wanted his sheep. Finally one person used the old tried and true method: a jump start with a heavy duty battery. This had some effect on the body causing it to twitch like frog legs in a familiar high school biology experiment. After several high voltage jolts surged though the Senator's lifeless form, it reanimated and started to blindly roam the room like a zombie. This was deemed normal for Occy and the crowd dissipated. **>> GOSSIP, SCANDAL AND LIES We were startled to be approached recently by a very seedy character, who passed us the information that Oxcart had been seen murdering virgin girl scouts! We were sceptical, and told the informant that as far as we knew there were no girl scounts in Fed, virgin or otherwise. "Of course not", he replied, "Oxcart has murdered them all..." In the spirit of taking people's minds off of the faltering war, Hazed finally got around to opening auditions for the joint hands of Ni and Zodiac. Altasren being the only suitor (big surprise), our marriage broker put the elf through his paces before an appreciative crowd: so appreciative that there were several more applicants on the spot, including Paladin, Mj, and Gemini (?)! Rumor has it, though, that Altasren overdid it so much that Hazed isn't interested in passing him on to the Widows. Gemini is hitting the blocks running. Between being the subject of a nibble race between Hazed and Altasren (no, >not< part of the audition), and prominently laphopping in various bars, she's gone for the gusto. Aside from his recent binge, Tellurian hasn't made his opinion public, but as no one's seen the tarot lady in flagrante - yet - we're hedging our bets. Ni's gone and done it again. We heard that she decided to complete her collection of planets on which she's killed herself, but ran into a stumbling block - she forgot where she left her body, and her ghost was fading out in Sam's. No worry though - her soul was popped into Amigan's cat, and while the transmogrified Ni busies herself chasing mice and looking for tomcats, her friends are seeking her body before it decays. Can it be true that Bochiman paid Sharp 5 meg if he would have a sex change? Is the new Senator that desperate for sexual kicks? We think we should be told! **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES After the unexpected vanishing of two duchies, there are a whopping great 13 Independent planets! Niun's Ocean has 9 planets, Krell's Gotham 1 and Jim's Crime none. We need some new Dukes urgently, so hurry up with those builds, guys! There have been a number of planet advancements during the fortnight. Zan's Paradise became a mining world, and will be turning mini soon. Ramius's Ausland went Industrial, and turned mini. Noe's Elsewhere is also Industrial. Tellurian's Nemesis is now a Tech world, and Looney's Insanity went leisure. Kimos' Starship will be turning mini tomorrow (Monday). This planet was the first of the worlds that went into the game as a cross-promotion - designed by the Amiga Starship RT. Tonight's your last chance to look around it. There are four new planets lined up waiting to go in, and now that the Time of Troubles is over you'll get a chance to see them. First off is Gemini's world, Ssenmaerd (we hope we've spelt that right), which will go in Monday or Tuesday. At the end of the week Amigan's new planet, Athens will be linked. We'll bring you reports of these two in next week's news. After that, Hypatia's Valcanya and Emmi's Oac will go in. **>> SPYNET REVIEW This week we bring you two week's worth of SpyNet Review information - minus the stuff that got lost in the various crashes! The new Captains were Ciaran, John, Lawson (temporarily reduced to Poor Person status), Mcland, Les, Shade, Cecil, Duckbutter, Sharra, Duckworth, Bastiani, Bloodbringer, Jeff, Makespa, Stazek, Kilroy, Quarthinos, Ashtaroth, Hobee, Basif, Killeryoshi and Ragnar. The Adventurers and -euses were John, Ciaran, Duckbutter, Bastiani, Quarthinos, Makespa, Waste, Ashtaroth and Mosquito. New members of the Traders Guild were Trajan, Alexander, Mulligan, Demelza, Ciaran, Mj, Duckbutter and Quarthinos. Melchior and Mulligan were both promoted to Merchant. The awesome JP puzzle was solved by Fletcher, Mulligan, Lawson and Ingollde. A number of planet-owners advanced their planets and were promoted accordingly: Zan is now a Thane; Noe and Ramius became Industrialists; Tellurian promoted to TechnocRAT and Looney became a Baron. Freya completed the Duke puzzle, and was then bumped up to Senator, finally regaining her position; and Bochiman became a Senator. There were a number of dead-deaths during the fortnight. Notable demises are Trader Lepermessiah, Captain Money, Trader Mcbain and JP Tony. The most notable was Duke Menace (see our story above). On a happier note, the following people became CEOs during the fortnight: Nightstalker - Lighter-Than-Air Industries Icepirate - Space Junk Inc Nightstalker - Lighter-Than-Air Industries Stalker - Hard Ride Industries Inc Menace - Ocotillo, Inc Maxwell - Hammer Industries Riccardo - Woods & Irons Inc Ni - Aisling, Inc Zodiac - Serge Industries Lawson - Pogo Inc Mulligan - Humboldt Trading Company LTD Freya - Valhalla Labs Hypatia - Lunaria Trading Emporium **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. A new version of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation will be available Real Soon Now! Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS