**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 93.12.26 **>> An H-by-A production **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> HAPPY HOLIDAYS The Federation Team would like to take this opportunity to wish you the compliments of the season. We hope you are having a happy holiday. GEnie has no prime-time surcharge during the holiday; you can play Fed all day for just the standard connect charge right up to Jan 2. This is just a short, skimpy little news to keep you up to date with the Christmas fun. Hazed is understandably reluctant to take the time out from her frantic partying to do her job properly! Next week will be back to abnormal, with two week's worth of SpyNet Review. **>> BAH, HUMBUG! The planet Humbug in the Cratchet system has been designed specially for Christmas, by Senator Tellurian and Explorer Blackadder. Celebrating the seamier side of Christmas, it features Santa's Workshop, a Holoplex, the Fed Christmas Pageant, and far too many of those bloody elves! It's a fun planet, full of excrutiating puns that will have you groaning aloud. By and large it's safe to explore, although there is one hideous monster that kills on sight (if you don't have the proper weapon at your disposal). Humbug will be in the game right through till the end of the holidays, so you have plenty of time to wander around it and enjoy the atmosphere, the toys, and the elven poetry! **>> SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS FEDERATION At any other time of the year, a fat old man who wanted children to come sit on his knee would be locked up. Because it's Christmas, it's not only tolerated but positively encouraged! The spectacle of grown Fedders clamouring for a turn on Santa's knee is a sight to behold. St. Nick has made several visits to Fed, giving away groats as well as presents suited to the recipient. Those who noticed that his hands wandered a little as they bounced on his knee didn't mind, so long as the presents were large. One observant Fedder, Ciaran, thought he spotted a trend. He was sure that Santa was being more generous to the nubile young females. Hot to gain more than his fair share of groats, he rushed off to the hospital and changed his sex, just so Santa would bestow upon him a large present in exchange for a furtive fondle. Actually, he needn't have bothered... Santa really isn't fussy -*who*- he gropes! Even the questions about good or bad little boys and girls didn't seem to make much difference to his generosity. Last night, Santa gave away the first of his special prizes of FREE FED time. He ran a treasure hunt, giving cryptic clues about the particular items he wanted. It was a fierce contest, with Fletcher and Amigan hot on each other's heels to be the first back with the required object. After six rounds, they were neck and neck, so it all hinged on the final hunt. When Santa asked for his medication, the two raced off to find the syringe. Amigan got it first, so won the contest and the free time. Congratulations Amigan! **>> LIMERICK CONTEST Santa's got plenty more presents to give away - more free time, copies of the new Idiot's Guide, and of course groats - and he intends to award it in a variety of ways. The major contest has a prize of a free weekend's Fed play, plus a free copy of the Idiot's Guide. How can you win this absolutely wonderful combination prize? You can write a FED LIMERICK, that's how! The limericks must have something to do with a person in Fed, or a place, or at least have some tenous connection. They must be clean enough to be printed in the news (!). So if you have a burning desire to write something starting 'A large-bottomed woman from Rigel' or 'A gorgeous young lady named Hazed', now's your chance! Send us your entries using the 'Mail about Fed' option on the main Fed menu, by the end of the year (midnight eastern on New Year's Eve). Don't forget to sign your entries with your Fed persona. The best entries will be read out at Santa's party on New Year's Day (see below), and he'll announce the winner then. **>> SANTA'S KNOCKING-OFF PARTY On New Year's Day Santa will be going off-duty, hanging up his red robe and getting disgustingly drunk at his knocking-off party. The party is fancy dress, so get some suitably festive clothes. The best outfit will win a free copy of the new Idiot's Guide to Federation. There'll also be a trivia contest, to award another free day's Fed play. We'll be roasting an elf or two to feed the assembled masses (the ears are a particular delicacy when dipped into blue cheese dressing). The party will start at 9.00 (eastern) in Chez Diesel, and go on until the last reveller drops from exhaustion. Be there, or miss the chance to win more fabulous prizes (and see Santa behave very, very badly). **>> OTHER NEWS Forgetting the festivities for a moment: Silk's planet, Fortymile, will be going into the game later this week. We'll send a newsdroid to explore it and report back if we can find a sober one! Hypatia has been promoted to Thane, so her planet Valcanya will be turning mini very shortly. Take the opportunity to explore it now before it's too late. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. A new version of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is currently being printed, and will be available in a few weeks. Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS