**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.01.09 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> TECHNOSPEAK UPDATE ON WHAT IS BUBBLING UNDER ON THE FED DEVELOPMENT SCENE - by Our Illustrious Leader, Bella The more observant of you will have noticed that not a lot seems to have been happening in the way of new features in Fed recently. There is a good reason for this - we have run out of memory to add in new code. The memory problems were particularly acute just after the free weekend when a combination of lots of new personas in the file meant that the in-memory indexes were taking up more room, and a whole slew of players adding new planets meant that we couldn't even get 20 players on the game at the same time! For several days running we had to ban internal players from the game at peak times. Before Xmas an attempt was made to create some more space by splitting off the indices and the mail handler into a seperate program, but unfortunately, GEnie's operating system was unable to cope with having something of this critical nature in a second process and the try came to nothing, except that Bella wasted a full week of programming time. In the mean time, it was decided to alter the way factories - a major source of memory fragmentation - were handled. Instead of staying in the game when the owner logs off they now run at twice the speed while she/he/it is on and then go when the owner logs off. This, coupled with the fact that some of the planets have now promoted and become mini-planets has alleviated some of the more dangerous stress. A project has been underway for a while to make Fed on GEnie into a client/server program. When the game was originally ported the operating system had no facilities to cope with this, but recently suitable facilities have become available and the underlying code - mainly the interprocess communications facilities library is being re-written to support this. The resulting version of Fed is currently running in open Beta in the UK, and as soon as the problems are ironed out will be moved over to GEnie. Most of code will not affect what you see - except that instead of getting your mail automatically when you log on there will be an option on the fed menu for you to look at your mail. What the new code will do is to spread the load on GEnie's host around much more and hopefully we will see some benefit from that. It will also create the space in the main Fed program to add new code, allowing Bella to get down to some serious development work, as opposed to finding work arounds for problems with GEnie. People sometimes ask why the other games don't have these problems. The answer is simple, aside from the Kesmai folks who run on their own kit, no one else has to run their game on anything other than GEnie. There are solutions to these problems on GEnie, but they are badly non-portable to other operating systems. Fed already runs in three different countries in two different languages - English and French - and will soon be available in Athens in Greek! So most of the GEnie specific fixes are closed to us and we have to find more orthodox ways of doing things... **>> IMPORTANT IMPERIAL EDICT There were problems during the week when Gemini's mini planet went in. She had changed the location number of some of the vital flagged locations, in particular the landing pad, which resulted in player's ships getting lost and in the game crashing. To prevent these problems happening in the future when full planets change to mini, Bella is insisting that all planets conform to a standard numbering system. In both full and mini planets, the orbit location must be 2, the exchange 3 and the landing pad 5. (She has left 4 unused because it seems to be a convention to use 4 for the bar.) In other words, when you design your full planet, bear in mind that it will have to turn into a mini planet at some stage and write your essential locations accordingly. To repeat, these are the numbers you must follow: 2 - Orbit 3 - Exchange 5 - Landing pad A good example of how to set your planet up can be seen in Tao's Rtyui, which went mini during the week. He designed his full planet around the mini planet, ensuring the location numbers stayed the same (to help those with teleporters), directions around the pad stayed the same (so macros would still work), and he even put the same keywords into his location descriptions for those that use FedTerm! Well done, Tao, for being mindful of the needs of all other players. **>> WHERE DID ALL THE SENATORS GO? The Senate is much reduced these days... last week, Bella decided to oust all Dukes from the political body, leaving it just for true Senators. The Dukes were only included initially because there were not enough Senators to fill the seats. Now there are plenty of Senators, so the Dukes had to relinquish their brief taste of power. **>> SHOCK HORROR DEATH NEWS Fed Data Space was rocked last week by the news that one of its most flamboyant characters, Glurg, had died dead-dead. In a freak teleporter accident, Glurg's molecules accidentally got mixed with those of a passing wasp. The resultant creature - half man, half insect, totally poisonous - was so horrifying that the Galactic Administration's scientists reprogrammed the teleporter to deposit him in a fatal location on Humbug, thus disposing of the hideous malformed being. A moving funeral service was held for Glurg, conducted by his close friend Tellurian. It was attended by around 25 people, some of whom mourned his loss. We assigned a newsdroid to write an obituary of Glurg, but it was so overcome with emotion it has not yet been able to produce more than a few tear-stained paragraphs. We have given it some tranquillizers and hope it will produce something for next week. However, we did manage to steal a copy of Glurg's will and we print it here in it's entirety: I, Glurg D. Vile, being of unsound mind and sound body, do hereby declare this to be my last will and testament, dated this day, the 2nd of January, in the year of St. Peggy 1994. To Tellurian, my best friend and comrade of many untold pranks, I leave the Nastydugreen, which is berthed on Humbug. You'll find the keys under the Altar in the Martian ruins. I also bequest unto you my map of Arena, to replace the "98% accurate map" which I had given to you previously. To Hazed, my darling and playmate, I leave my bronzed set of eggbeaters and a sizeable collection of "D" cell batteries. Long may the blades beat. To Occy, my friend, I return your high-heeled boots which I shamelessly stole. May they bring ewe great pleasure in the days ahead. To Emmi, my dearest sister, I leave the only copy of my almost finished manuscript, A Planet Owner's Guide to Screwing Factory Owners for Fun and Profit. To Maxwell, my friend, I leave a set of earplugs and a blindfold, for Fed Space knows no evil like a woman with PMS. For the times when Emmi becomes too much to handle, you may wish to visit my liquor cabinet, carved in the side of one of the transuranic rooms. To Looney, my friend, I leave you my Naval base. It is maxed out with everything but detectors. I hope you can use it to protect the best duchy in Fed. To Amigan, my friend, I leave a bronzed TDX. Yes, it is safe to drop this one. (No, not really, but I thought I'd set a record for most people killed post mortem.) To Tim, my friend, I wish that I could have lived to see you inducted into the Church of Pegasus, for you have proved yourself worthy. To you, I leave my most valued possession...my spybeam. It will beep automatically when anybody is orbiting Jupiter or when a newbod is lost in the ruins. May you find untold pleasures with its use. Carry on the name of Pegasus, my friend. To dear, sweet Gemini, my friend, I leave directions to the insurance office, so that you may not continue duplicating what I'm about to do. Three times is enough, already! I would leave you some of my clothes, but you've already taken what you've wanted. I leave you my solid gold halo. I have filed the serial number off, so the angel I mugged should not be able to trace it. To Blackadder, my friend, I leave a case of Off! I believe that you may find this more useful than anybody else. I also leave my gold-plated flyswatter to you. And last, but certainly not least, to Mosquito, my friend, I leave a carton of genuine Sapienic Green Gloop, bottled in April, 1993. I also leave you a canister of sludge from my office floor. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Signed, The Honorable Glurg D. Vile Senator, Kingdom of Sapien **>> IT'S A JOLLY HOLIDAY WITH MAY-REEE! GEnie has published the holiday schedule for 1994, as follows: April 1 Good Friday May 30 Memorial Day July 4 Independence Day September 5 Labor Day November 24 Thanksgiving Day November 25 Day After Thanksgiving December 23 Christmas Eve (Celebrated) December 26 Christmas Week December 27 Christmas Week December 28 Christmas Week December 29 Christmas Week December 30 Christmas Week GEnie will be available all day at non-prime-time rates on these days, so you can play Fed all day without incurring extra surcharges. Write them in your diary now! On a related subject: Hazed is starting to put together a calendar of special Fed events for 1994. As well as special planets for such notable dates as April Fool's Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving etc, she plans to have a Fighting School and a Short-Story contest some time during the year, as well as several free weekends. If you have any ideas of events you would like to see, contact her about it. **>> SONG TIME One of the entries Santa received for the Limerick contest was not eligible because it wasn't a limerick at all. Still, it was so good, we thought we'd print it here. Sent to us by a player who wishes to be known as Marcus, it is sung to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel, (1989 by SBK Songs) with apologies to same, looking back over his year in Fed (well, actually 13 months). DEC 92 ------ Groundhog, ship loan, Krell throws a nice bone, Milk running, jobs hauling, refuel is fixed JAN 93 ------ Xhit Zippy carbon copy, Occy has a monopoly, Low stocks, traders rot, buy but don't sell Hopping in and out of beds, sex gods and goddesses, Group marriage free-for-all, pregnancy plague FEB --- Elex duke, naval force, Destiny and Jade divorce More marriage, more babies, Total says goodbye Fed didn't start the fire Though our world is burning Is there hope for learning Fed didn't start the fire Bella didn't light it But she tried to fight it MAR --- Freya Hazed cat fight, Bella takes an early flight Glurg arrives, Zippy wavers, Topper defects Double love suicide, explorers carry seven five Darkside, Rookery, Zoe Oxcart APR --- Rez Occy Oddball dancing in the Senate Hall Duchess Freya, Godfather, Zippyites would sit rather 'Rena Space, Khan duke, Glurg marries, don't puke Noe and Tell, (Bochi Krell?), Marcus is a Merchant! Fed didn't start the fire Though our world is burning Is there hope for learning Fed didn't start the fire Bella didn't light it But she tried to fight it MAY-JUN ------- Piemur sweats, Noe's dead, cute Becky airhead Game code overhaul, Bella's head against the wall Marcia's twins, game's a mess, Tellurian and Pegasus Noe's out, Gem's in, Telly wears a big grin JUN-JUL ------- Hazed writing new guide, Emmi trying to decide Glurg donkey, frenzy mate, GEnie cuts the NP rate Niun duke, Gemi dead, Freya Senate, Underfed Menace pays for his sex, mass death for Pegasus Fed didn't start the fire Though our world is burning Is there hope for learning Fed didn't start the fire Bella didn't light it But she tried to fight it AUG --- Krell out, Ox in, Underfed is back again Marcia marries two and three, write a planet just for me SEP --- Duke Glurg, Justy back, Guildmaster flame attack Marcia's trip, making merry, Snark in the library OCT --- Duke Menace, Freya's farm, Senate can't do any harm Ocean Hell, making war, what is all the hot air for? Fed didn't start the fire Though our world is burning Is there hope for learning Fed didn't start the fire Bella didn't light it But she tried to fight it OCT-DEC ------- Ox and Glurg CD's, somebody explain it please Blackmark, Otoole, terror in the gene pool Game crash, boring war, Bochi is a senator War's over, let's drink, when will UnCon planet link? Marcus makes JP, Fed is out of memory GM crisis once again, oh when will it ever end? IC OOC, someone please explain to me Marcia marries number four, I can't take it anymore! Fed didn't start the fire Though our world is burning Is there hope for learning Fed didn't start the fire But when we are gone Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on... Marcus **>> MARRIAGE: PART I Following extensive public auditions, and much consultation with the prospective brides, Hazed has found a suitable husband for her clients, the widows Ni and Zodiac. Their announcement back in October that they wished to find a husband to replace their ex-rat, Tellurian, led to a flurry of speculation, and much interest amongst the eligible males in Fed Data Space - particular after Hazed held her first audition in public (although many of the applicants seemed more interested in the actual auditions with Hazed than in marrying the two lovely ladies...) Hazed, acting as official marriage broker, is now extremely pleased to announce that the lucky husband is to be Altasren. His application was very impressive, and he proved through the several auditions he performed that he will be well able to satisfy Ni and Zodiac in all aspects of married life. A date for the wedding will be announced after discussion with the happy threesome. Here we print some of the relevant sections of Altasren's written application: To the fair and noble lady Hazed, Senator and Edatrix, from Lord Altasren Eltinwe, Prince of the Kelesthiri, Grand Master of the Crystal Star of Spur, greetings! I write you to petition for the hands in marriage of the fair and charming ladies Zodiac and Ni, given my great love for them and my desire to become their husband. VITAL STATISTICS: As required, my stamina, strength, and dexterity all exceed 60: 93, 90, and 90 respectively. My current networth is in excess of one hundred million groats. That aside, I am a powerful political figure and magnate in the city of Spur, and can offer Ni and Zodiac refuge, solace, and aid from there at any hour. REFERENCES: Although a gentleman does not kiss and tell, I am yet not shy in acknowledging my past lovers - Morganne, Marcia, Amber, Tyiez, Emmi, Gemini, Ashley, Astra, Tana, Sheba - as well as yourself, Ni, and Zodiac... {grin} I am perfectly amenable to you contacting any or all of the above for references. You may also contact Fiona, Lucia, Winnowill, Alandrys, and Snowflower from the city of Spur and Gaile from the city of FAyd for further references, should you choose. In conclusion, let me state that I vow to love Zodiac and Ni, to cherish them, to give them the freedom to do whatever they desire, to share joy and burdens with them alike, should they honor me by becoming my wives. Given by my hand this 11th day of Aiwenal, on the Festival of Friendship, in the season of Telpelote, at the Crystal Chamber of the Haven of Kelesthir. **>> MARRIAGE: PART II Fed Data Space was stunned yesterday by a post on the bar board from Oxcart, stating that he and Krell were getting married that night! Everyone rushed around organising the caterers, booking a band, buying wine, choosing the right presents, writing their speeches, making the bridesmaids dresses - all in the quickest possible time - when someone voiced the awful thought: Did Krell know about this? It turned out that Oxcart had neglected possibly the most vital part of a prospective groom's actions: he had failed to ask Krell if she would marry him. So, at midnight eastern last night, everyone thronged to Jinx (Oxcart brought his planet back specially for the occasion) to watch Oxcart's reaction to Krell not turning up - or possibly Krell turning up and killing him. But their fun was spoiled when Oxcart jilted himself by not showing for his special moment. Shame! **>> BABY BOOM There's another of those damn pregnancies in Fed. Honestly, haven't people heard of birth control? The Galactic Administration's family planning clinics provide free contraception to all on demand, so there really is no excuse. This time, the woman who has been caught is Mara. Normally, we wouldn't bother to report on yet another impending birth, but in this case the twist is that she claims the father of her foetus is Santa Claus! It's true, she and Santa did get very friendly during his holiday visits to Fed Data Space, but surely the old man knew better than to knock her up! She has asked us to print her letter to Santa Claus, since she doesn't know his address (and of course, Santa reads the Fed News Bulletin...): Dear Santa -- The doctor says I am pregnant. Gemini says it's your baby. Hazed says I should write you. Fletcher says I should marry him and let him take care of the baby. I am confused. What do you say? Love, Mara This could be the first time St. Nick has been involved in a paternity suit. He'd better get himself a lawyer, fast! **>> LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR Yes, it's old news, but we liked the idea of using the title of a great Aerosmith song as a headline... Blackadder and Mosquito seem to have a fondness for getting it on in elevators. Why? Surely that's on a par with making out in the backseat of a car: damn uncomfortable and rather tricky. With all the bedrooms and bars in Fed Data Space, you'd think they could find somewhere just a little more romantic for their sessions. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES During the last week, Tao's Rtyui and Gemini's Ssenmaerd went mini. Amigan's excellent Athens will be turning mini in the next couple of days, so if you want one last look around it (and one last try at lopping off the Gorgon's head) don't delay. Here's what the duchies look like at the moment: There are three Independent worlds, Starship, Jinx and Dahih. Kimos' Starship used to be in Oppiz, but he's obviously decided to go it alone for a while. Oxcart had taken Jinx out of the game, but he brought it back for his supposed wedding - see our ealier story. Niun's Ocean now has no worlds at all, and I expect it will continue to be empty until Niun returns to Fed Data Space. Crime also continues to be a no-planet duchy. As before, the only two worthwhile Dukes are Zippo and Looney, and they split the planets between them. Zippo's Oppiz has six worlds, Valaria, Roissy, Rtyui, Nautilus, Warp and Aiel. Looney's Insanity grows and grows, as does his duchy; he now lords it over Source, Fremd, Paradigm, Dawn (formerly with Niun), Links, Aytes, Mycenae, Addis, Sularin and Fortymile. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the last week, or who otherwise gained fame and/or notoriety. The new Captains were Spring, Arnie, Exbro, Patience, Faith, Mrbunny, Backlash, Growler, Bladerunner and Foxmeister. Xeno, Grizzley, Vaxalon and Clown made it to Adventurer. The Traders Guild admitted Conor, Xeno and Longshot to its ranks. Mara and Regis both solved the fiendish GM puzzle, and then went on to become Explorers. Nightstalker played 2000 games, and Icepirate played 1000. Bella awarded them both with a long-service medal. Finally, Glurg went dead-dead, much to the sorrow of his friends and the delight of his enemies. See the story above for the details. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed or Bella * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. A new version of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is at the printers and will be available very shortly. Federation has several categories in the new MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT also has a Federation library in the files area, Library 5. Library 18 holds the Federation News Archives. **>> BULLETIN ENDS