**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.03.27 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> APRIL FOOLERY AND EASTER FUN The Easter Bunny will be visiting Fed next weekend. Harvey will be hopping around the Galaxy over the holiday weekend, with lots of goodies to give away as prizes, and he'll be organising all kinds of games and competitions, including hide-n-seek, treasure hunts, and an Easter Bonnet competition. There'll also be a chance to KILL DA WABBIT as Harvey flees for his life from the blood-thirsty hunters, all out to use him as the prime ingredient in their pies! Because it's April Fool's Day as well... we've commissioned a special planet to add to the celebrations, written by Squire Blackadder. Tacky-yawn, where good taste runs backwards, will be full of prime examples of tackiness, as well as the most excruciating puns, parodies and satires. Players will also be able to explore the planet Cabbage again, the home of Harvey the Easter Bunny, and meet all his friends. This planet was written by Senator Hazed to use as an example planet for the new Idiot's Guide. The Easter frolics will take place over the holiday weekend, from the evening of Thursday March 31 to the morning of Tuesday March 5. **>> OOOOOOOPS! Two new mini planets went into the game recently; Emmi's Oac and Zan's Paradise. Up to this moment, we never thought there might be a connection between the two of them, but now... Both of these experienced planet-owners completely forgot to put shipyards on their mini-planets! Coincidence, or what? Come to think of it, have you ever seen them both in Fed DataSpace at the same time? Can Emmi really be Zan in disguise? Or vice versa? We think we should be told! **>> NEW WORLDS, NEW CIVILIZATIONS Two new planets went in during the week: Sean's Eire on Monday, and Tantras' Vertigo on Wednesday. As usual, we despatched newsdroids to explore the planets and see if, perhaps, one of them was worthy of the rarely-bestowed Walrus of Merit. First, we looked at Sean's new world. Jumping to Eire is not for the delicate of stomach - it's a rough passage through the link, followed by a near collision on landing. Disembarking brings a strange sense of deja vu... the landing pad looks an awful lot like one of NYC's airports! In fact, that's what it is: a tour round New York City and a residential district in New Jersey. The pad has the usual services around it, including a mall selling everything one could possible need in Fed DataSpace. The spaceport bar is populated by workmen and serves a mean pint. From the pad, one can take the Parkway into New Jersey, where you can visit Sean's house and go to the beach; or you go into New York City and explore Fifth Avenue, including a climb up the Empire State building (love that view!), a walk round Greenwich Village, with all its street musicians and vendors, Grand Central Station, and a church where St. Pegasus seems to be worshipped! Hmm... not quite what one expects in NYC. Eire is a pleasant planet, and it is interesting to explore. For those who are familiar with the city, you'll be able to say "Oh, I recognise this bit" and for those who haven't visited the city, this will show you what you are missing. Our newsdroid then flew to Vertigo, for an amazing experience! Stepping out onto the landing pad, it's obvious something strange is happening on this planet, because a ghostly ship twinkles in and out of vision in a most disconcerting fashion. Moving down the road, a child appears in front of you then vanishes again. Most peculiar! The solution to these apparitions is found in the museum, where you learn about the planet's past. We won't spoil the story by repeating here what you are told. (Incidentally, this is a very effective way to get across information that helps you make sense of the rest of the planet - Amigan's Athens used a similar device to great effect.) Moving down the road then to the west, there is a forested area with a stream running through it. It's very calm and peaceful here, giving an ideal opportunity to rest and think about what you learned in the museum. The stream runs out of a mountainous region to the north, but you can't ascend the mountain far without having first explored other parts of the planet. The rest of the planet is split into three sections. Again, we won't tell you much about them, because we don't want to give anything away, but there are many mini-puzzles throughout each section and failure on any of these puzzles brings death, so make sure you're insured. If you want to know what we thought of Tantras' planet: well, normally our newsdroid spends about 15 minutes exploring a new planet - less if the world doesn't grab the attention. It spent almost two hours on Vertigo! Yes, it's a great planet, and the puzzle is ingenious and unlike anything we've seen before. Tantras, you definitely get the coveted H-by-A Walrus of Merit! Tantras is offering a reward to puzzle-solvers. The first person of Explorer rank or lower to solve the first puzzle gets 10 meg; and 20 meg is on offer for the big puzzle. Squires and over can also get 10 meg if they solve the big puzzle. Contact Tantras if you think you've cracked his puzzle. **>> THE DISPUTE RUMBLES ON... Following last week's report (which, we hasten to add, was written by someone completely unconnected to the H-by-A office, we've never even met him, her or it, don't have a clue who wrote it and even if we did we didn't tell them what to say, honest) about the public sparring match between Our Beloved Editrix, Hazed, and the well-known dimwit, Plantking, we have received yet another letter from his laywer. PK must be paying over most of the proceeds from the duchy of Canna to this weasel. Here's what the windbag has to say this time: Ms. Hazed (aka The Hag): You should rename your weekly rag the Spynet BULL!-etin. Is there a virus running around the H-by-A offices that causes even your guest editors to submit incomplete and erroneous reports? Or do you pay so little that only the incompetent will work for you? In any event, your sleazy tabloid has once again maligned my client, Duke PlantKing, this time in two separate reports. In the first, the editorial from the Courierdroid, your guest editor made it appear that the only comments from others in the game at the time were on your side. He, she, or it obviously didn't bother to check transcripts of the discussion, and somehow missed comments like "Hazed loves abuse", and in response to my client's comment "It's getting deep in here", that "It sure is, PK", etc. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that your guest editor is really on your payroll, and was instructed to exclude anything not positively reflecting on you. Second, with regard to the Duchy reports, the first planet to join Canna did so less than two days after Duke PlantKing was promoted, not the three or more implied in your rag. A small point, perhaps, but yet another example of the incompetence so typical of your organization. Also in regard to the Duchy reports, with respect to the most favoured status that Canna and Nightfall have each conferred on the other, it was Nightfall that did so first, not Canna. When Duke PlantKing logged on the evening of the 11th, he found that Nightfall had given Canna most favoured status. It was not until the evening of the 15th that he granted the same to Nightfall. Yet again, your research department has proved incapable of providing accurate information. And don't even try to read anything into the four-day timing difference - you'll get it wrong, as usual. Lastly, you will find attached a notice from the Galactic High Court, in their order number 209346:0003.Hag's Rag, restraining you from publishing any further unsubstantiated and/or erroneous reports that might impinge on the reputation or abilities of my client; including, but not limited to, any implication of diminished mental capacity. Rumpole **>> RUN AWAY! Ships have feelings too, you know. If you don't hug or kiss your ship from time to time, it'll start sulking and won't respond so quickly to your commands. Ships also don't like being left on their own. Have you ever thought what ships do when you leave Fed DataSpace? If your ship is left with a crowd of other ships, it feels alright because it can chat to them, but if you leave it on its own it starts to get very nervous. The absolute worse thing you can do is leave your ship on the planet Ssenmaerd. This world is so scary that the instant you log off, your ship will run away and hide somewhere deep in the Intergalactic Wastes. The Galactic Administration's Traffic Wardens have to send frequent expeditions to round up lost ships and transport them back to Earth. As part of the service, of course, they'll ferry you to earth in a luxury liner to meet up with your poor frightened ship. And that's why, if you log off on Ssenmaerd, you log back on and find yourself in the Cantina on Earth! **>> WHO SNUGGLES THE BEST? Barberousse has been awarded one of the most coveted accolades ever to be awarded in Fed. Forget about Mr. Universe, this one is what all the men want to win. He's been voted the Best Snuggler in Fed! At least, that's what a barboard post from Emmi said, backed up by enthusiastic agreement from Talisan. Now, we just wonder if these two judges have actually tested all the men in Fed to see if they match up to the Duke's snuggling abilities. Men, if you haven't been asked about your snuggling prowess by Emmi or Talisan, then seek them out and show them what you're made of! **>> WHAT TURTLE? Speaking of barboard posts, what is it with Axfire? Why does he keep posting the message "The turtle moves"? Is it something to do with a pet? One of Tellurian's disgusting clan, Tellurani, posted a response to Axfire's frequent religious postings: "The turtle's been made into soup". That told him! **>> SO HOW MUCH IS A GROAT, ANYWAY? An economic theory sent to us by Tabby Let's say the base price of Gold is 600 groats/ton (which last I heard, it was). Let's also say that Gold, in 1994, sells for something like $300/ounce. There are 16 ounces in a pound, so 16x$300=$4,800/pound for Gold Last I heard there were around 2240 pounds in a Ton. 2240x$4,800 = $10,752,000/ton for Gold. So this must mean that 600 groats = about 10 million dollars 10,000,000 / 600 = 16,667. So 1 groat is about $16,000! Even if you assume Gold is really selling for 1,000ig/ton, that still means One groat is about Ten thousand dollars. Based on this, I conclude that a) Gold is a lot more plentiful in the future and therefore not worth what it is today, or b) Food is REALLY expensive in the future! **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Sean has signed an alliance with Barberousse and joined the Duchy of Source. Tantras has allied with Ramius' new Duchy of Ausland. Meanwhile, Maxwell has swifted his planet from Source to Ausland. Athens is now a leisure planet, having advanced twice during the week. Amigan hasn't yet started his Duke builds, but when he does expect trading opportunities to open up on Athens as resources are sucked into the special projects. **>> SPOTLIGHT ON FAMILY The Family and Personal Growth RoundTable is not just for parenting. The bulletin board has areas specifically set aside for adult conversation. There are categories to discuss adult sexuality, adult issues, alternative lifestyles, transgender issues, and abuse. These categories are private; you can get access to them by typing from nearly any GEnie prompt (without the quotes) "M1235;6" and agreeing to the guidelines for private categories. Each private category has a corresponding private library that contains files and transcripts of relavent RTC's. In addition, FAMILY holds an adult sexuality RTC twice each month. Adults only, please. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the week. The news Captains were Hapgraph, Priss, Starman, Jamesjoyce, Dougrayer, Deric, Nemos and Snake. Starman, Melchior, Deric, Corinthus and Jude became Adventurers; Brandy became an Adventureuse. The Traders Guild admitted Briefcase and Brandy to its membership. Starseeker cracked the awesome JP puzzle. Alexander and Gypsyrose solved the fiendish GM puzzle. Gypsyrose went on to make Explorer, and has started work on her planet. Sean and Tantras became Squires as their new planets were linked into the game. Amigan promoted to Technocrat and then Baron as his planet made a double- jump in economic level. There were no important deaths this week - that makes a change! (By important we mean Traders and over.) Finally, Jade has now played 1000 games! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or Bella in the game * a message to Hazed * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The Amiga version is in beta-test. The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. **>> BULLETIN ENDS