**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 94.07.10 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> A MESSAGE FROM THE EDITRIX Hello darlings, I'm back. Yes, I know I went into exile to escape the wrath of Our Illustrious Leader, after I botched the job of disposing of her and taking control of Fed DataSpace... but guess what? It turns out that Bella is so vague, she didn't even realise all the mishaps during her little trip were part of my assassination attempt! There was no need for me to flee after all, I can continue to try to undermine her rule from within. I bet you're all please to see me again, aren't you. That newsdroid that Bella got to edit last week's news - J5 I think his serial number is - well, didn't he make a mess of it? I hear there were several Fedders out for his blood (or equivalent) after his sloppy reporting resulted in broken relationships all over the Galaxy. Still, I'm not taking any chances. I need to keep a fairly low profile until I am absolutely convinced I am in the clear. So next week, I'm going to get a guest to do the news for me. He, she or it hasn't decided yet whether to remain anonymous... so I'd better not tell you who it is. Keep on sending me your news and gossip, your scandal and lies, because I pay good groats (is there such a thing as bad groats?) for anything I use in the news. Yes, telling tales on your friends and enemies can be immensely profitable! **>> NAVAL BASE NEWS Bella will be turning base deterioration on again tomorrow. It's been off for a very long time, so Dukes and Senators should have built up huge reserves of detectors, cruisers and such like. Do remember, though, that deterioration works on a percentage basis - the more you have, the more you lose each day! **>> QUOTE OF THE WEEK A newbod, having bought a ship, looked at his, her or its display and commed in shock: "I owe >THAT< much?" **>> READ THE SMALL PRINT! Be careful when you make deals with Rich People. Be very sure you understand all the terms of the deal. Be especially careful when the Rich Person concerned is a demi-Goddess! Alucard managed to get himself stuck on Snark... he got drunk at a party, saw the portal was open and staggered on through to continue the party in a strange place, then passed out in drunken heap on the floor in the bar. When he woke up the next morning, hungover, his mouth feeling like a marsrat had died in it, he suddenly realised that he'd left his ship back on Mars... he was stranded! There was no way out for him, except to suicide. But as if by magic, Hazed appeared. Alucard remembered that she had the power to rescue people from certain death by timewarping them to safety, and he begged her help him out of his predicament. After some feeble attempts at grovelling, that had the demi-Goddess less than impressed, he made her an offer she couldn't refuse: his blood for his life! Now Hazed was interested, but she wished to be fair, so she stated the terms of the offer several times, and asked Alucard to agree to them. The terms were: she would timewarp him off Snark, and in return she could drink his blood. Alucard was about to accept this deal, when his beloved, Talisan, intervened. She was not at all happy that Al was going to be letting Hazed loose in his veins. She told him to refuse the offer, because she knew how he could get off Snark safely. She told him to sell his ship and off. Of course, she was wrong. The Galactic shipping lines will not send liners to such a dangerous place as Snark, they would lose far too many ships that way. So finally, Al had to accept Hazed's deal. Once again, she repeated the terms and asked him to agree to them... he did. So the demi-Goddess timewarped him off Snark, back to Horsell, and proceeded to empty his body of blood. Belching loudly, she returned to Sol, leaving him trapped in the past. The deal, you see, made no mention of timewarping him safely to Sol again! Alucard was forced to suicide anyway to get to safety. So let that be a lesson to you all: when dealing with divinity, read the small print! **>> ALL CHANGE! Paladin and Topper have been seen secretly discussing the terms of a deal all week. It seems Paladin wishes to have the use of Topper's love slave, Mira, for a few days; in return, he is offering Topper the services of the lovely Galena. But Galena isn't too impressed by their wheeling and dealing, so they've not managed to come to any arrangement yet. We'll keep you posted. **>> LOST IN SPACE! The lovely Seramarias, wife to Patch and sometime consort to Dyars, is missing presumed dead while on an extended exploration voyage to the outer- most reaches of known space. The Imperial Navy lost contact with her ship after it entered a very dense asteroid field. It is not known if we will ever see Sera alive in Fed again. We will miss her! **>> FAMILY FEUD A notice seen on the bar board recently: Coming Soon! Forget the Hatfields and McCoys! Ditch the Montagues and Capulets! Blow off the Rubbles and the Flintstones! It's... The Ne Galdurs and the Viles: The Family Feud! Coming to a theater or area of space with no planets, nearest YOU! Choose sides now! Lay your bets! Who wins? Who loses? Who cares?? Yes, Emmi has fallen out with Tellurain, and they've dragged their whole families into the row. 'Rain has said that he will shoot at any member of the Vile family upon sight for Emmi's alleged slights on his daughter Tellurita (offspring of 'Rain and his sister 'Rina... the least said about that the better!). He took some potshots at Lydia near the Sol link, and the foolish girl decided to try fighting back. She obviously didn't know when she was outclassed... After repairing her ship, she was heard to say over open comm that he was a coward if he did not meet her over Jupiter. (Hmmm... wonder where she gets that temper from?) She's only an Adventureuse, so she was outgunned and outfought. Tellurain shot her down in flames. This did nothing to cool her anger, and she broadcast threats saying her relatives would avenge her. It's probably going to be safer for innocent bystanders not to stray from the regular spacelanes for the time being, at least not when these two families are shooting it out. Beware especially of Sean: he's such a rotten shot he tends to hit anyone and everyone except his intended target! Stay tuned and see how the Vile and ne Galdur feud plays out. **>> THE MIRACLE OF LIFE Industrialist Tantras and Squire Tellurain are proud to announce the birth of their third child together! Tantras was the lucky one who got to bear the child this time - after an amazingly fast pregnancy, Tantras found himself ready for a c-section to remove the child. When no one in the Nine of Cups could find a sharp object in time, Tellurain pulled out plastic forks and began digging in! Many people offered helpful advice, but finally, the child was delivered - a beautiful female velociraptor that 'Rain promptly named Spuderoni. Tantras prepared to snack on their new child, but Spuderoni had plans of her own, and killed Tantras, eating him up! After he staggered back in (and making sure to reinsure), it was discovered that Spuderoni had vanished! So, if you see a cute velociraptor (y'know, the kind of dinosaur that was in JURASSIC PARK) running around FedSpace, please bring her to Vertigo and Neemeesis and make sure that she stays there - her parents are looking for her, and they've got a big cage waiting. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Contrary to last week's report, the two new planets that are waiting to be linked will go in this week: first off will be Kainaw's, followed by Alucard's. We'll send the usual newsdroid to report on them. Incidentally, our announcement that Al's new world was called Ainavlysnart resulted in an outcry from dyslexic Traders, so he's decided to shorten the name to Snart! Riccardo was promoted to Duke during the week, so his planet has vanished. Plantking became a new Senator, so all the worlds formerly in Canna were thrust out into the cold loneliness of Independence. We'll bring you a full round-up of the duchies next week. Tempest and Epini have now gone mini. Surfside will be going mini during the week - as soon as the planet-writing firm that Surfer has contracted for the job has completed their work. Brawn has made some small changes to his planet, Outpost. The reward of 25 meg still stands, so get your puzzle-solving heads on. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Here's the highlights and lowlights from the week's SpyNet Review. The new Captains were Benson, Tetsuo, Tyrell, Trill, Matthew, Nightmare, Erica and Tim. Tetsuo, Tyrell, Astrin, Erica and Ariadnea made it to Captain. The Traders Guild admitted Gortek to its august ranks. Jainzar, Ferdelance, Grump, Omicron and Icepirate were promoted to Merchant. Galena solved the awesome JP puzzle. Dierdre and Widowmaker cracked the fiendish GM puzzle. They both went on to make Explorer. Chance became a Thane when his planet promoted. Riccardo solved the devilish Duke puzzle, and was appointed Ruler of the Duchy of Links. His ascension bumped Plantking up to Senator. Once again, we have the sad duty to report that Bree claimed some more victims, who obviously didn't realise they were on the most dangerous planet in the universe! Adventureuse Erica and Merchant Sharla neglected to re-insure and went dead-dead. Adventurer Craig and Adventureuse Rhiannon also died, on Sol, for reasons unknown. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed, Bella, Emmi, Freya, Tellurian or Tellurain in the game * a message to Hazed * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC and Amiga. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy one. Or more! Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information, instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. **>> BULLETIN ENDS