**>> SPYNET BULLETIN 
 **>> EARTHDATE 94.07.31 
 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE 
 
 **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids 
 **>> <SEND HAZED> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! 
 
 
 **>> GALACTIC POSTAL STRIKE DUE TOMORROW! 
 
As we reported in last week's news, the Galactic Postal Workers will be
trashing the sendmail files tomorrow (Monday) as part of their protest
about poor working conditions. 
 
So don't send any sendmail tonight, unless you are sure the person will be
around to receive it before tomorrow. 
 
 
 **>> PARANOID ELECTRONICS, INC. 
 
Surfer is rubbing his hands with glee. Diesel is over the moon. Paranoids
everywhere are in a panic. As we predicted, Samantha's Bar on Castillo is
no longer spy-proof (as you can see if you look at the description). 
 
Planet owners desparate to check their digests in secret have been flooding
the H-by-A mailbag with complaints - particularly when Surf actually spun
out of the game for a day! Lovers wanting to tryst in private have been
desparately hoping that no-one will watch them. We've been innundated by
demands for an explanation. 
 
It has always been the intention that there would be just one spy-proof
room. Before player-planets were introduced, it obviously had to be in Sol.
Now that player-planets have been around for a while, and planet owners
have sufficient reserves of cash to put in a bid for the room, it will be
located on the planet of the highest bidder. Once the Emperor takes up his
throne, the spy-proof room will probably move again to become part of his,
her or its entourage and privileges. 
 
The spy-proof room is on Surf because Surfer paid a large amount of groats
for it. He will keep the room until his planet disappears from the game
because he becomes a Duke, or until he leaves the game for a considerable
length of time. At that point, the room will go up for auction again - with
bids starting at the sum paid last time (which in Surfer's case was 10
gigagroats). 
 
If Surf spins out because Surfer doesn't come online for a few days, or if
he takes if offline... well, that's life! 
 
And remember: most people have far better things to do than spy you to find
out how your planet economy is set up! 
 
 
 **>> QUOTES OF THE WEEK 
 
A hapless NewBod: "I can't seem to find my way out of Diesel". Well! Most
people have to pay a great deal of money for the privilege of being inside
Diesel! 
 
A Captain: "You people aren't very HONEST here, are you?" Whatever can he
mean? 
 
A sad lover, bemoaning the fact that Sam's is no longer spyproof: "I have
no place left to be expressive in". What a nice euphemism. 
 
A Rich Person: "We never repeat gossip... you have to listen closely the
first time." 
 
 
 **>> MINI-DEATH-TRAP 
 
In the first couple of days after Tellurain's planet, Neemeesis, converted
to a mini, many people were killed. Top of the death league: Alucard. He
died 14 times. There are only four death locations on the planet. That's an
average of 3.5 times on each one! Surely some kind of record. 
 
 
 **>> DEATH BY... BALONEY? 
 
Alas poor Maxwell, we knew him a little bit, and now he is dead. 
 
Flushed with the success of his new Baron-ness, experimenting wildly with
his new toy, the teleporter, Maxwell jumped to the wrong location twice in
a row, and died dead-dead. A single moment of inattention, a teleporter
accident that is all too common. Nothing sinister there at all. 
 
But wait a moment! 
 
An anonymous note pushed under the H-by-A office door leaves us wondering.
It says that a shadowy figure was seen tampering with Maxwell's teleporter
not long before the accident. Very suspicious. We decided to investigate. 
 
We disguised a newsdroid as an angle-poise lamp and sent it to infiltrate
the shady groups that Maxwell was known to associate with. This was pretty
pointless, because the first time the droid moved it gave itself away,
since angle-poise lamps don't, as a rule, trundle across the room under
their own steam. 
 
So we went and talked to Emmi instead. 
 
She was, not unnaturally, upset by the whole thing. No sooner had she
finally dragged Maxwell to the alter after the longest engagement in Fed
history, than she is single again! 
 
Maxwell had, in fact, had a premonition of his death, Emmi told us. "He
argued with Tellurian at the wedding service," she said. "He didn't want to
say the phrase 'till d-d do us part', he wanted to substitute 'til beyond
the door of death' but Tellurian insisted on the standard form." 
 
While chatting to the unfortunate widow, we asked about her cooking.
Everyone knows that Emmi's cooking is dangerous, to say the least, and we
wondered if she'd made poor Max eat anything she had prepared. It turned
out our suspicions were right! Not long before Maxwell's death, Emmi had
cooked him some fajitas (they were supposed to be eggrolls, but they didn't
roll so became fajitas instead). Stuffed with baloney, which Emmi assures
us makes very good filling for fajitas. And, poor fool, Maxwell had eaten
them! 
 
Well, that explains it then. He'd been feeling so ill that he didn't pay
attention to where he was jumping to, hence his double death. Case solved. 
 
But wait... what about the shadowy figure seen tampering with the
teleporter? Could the "other" Maxwell be somehow involved in all this? You
remember, the one that imprisonned Max and took over his planet, that
puzzle-solvers had to overthrow, back on the full Dawn? 
 
No, probably not. We think it was Emmi's cooking. Death by baloney. 
 
 
 **>> THE RETURN OF... 
 
Rumours are flooding around Fed DataSpace: could IT be HIM reincarnated?
True, they share a rather disgusting nature, a love of violence, a complete
disregard for decency, an utter lack of any scruples whatsoever...  
 
We speak of none other than the Vile Cryptosporidium, who some have
speculated is none other than Glurg come back from the dead. 
 
Could this be true? Is the Son of Pegasus once again walking among us? We
think we should be told! 
 
 
 **>> LOVE HANDLES 
 
Our newsdroids were examining the wreckage of Sam's and discovered that
some people were still ready and willing to play games in this former haven
- noticably Briefcase, Hippychick, and Computo! Briefcase had mentioned
that he was the secondmost eligable bachelor in FedSpace--when asked why he
was only the secondmost eligible, he whispered to Hippychick that there was
one flaw that few knew about. Briefcase leaned over and whispered it into
Hippychick's ear and the result was startling! 
 
Hippychick suddenly ripped off her clothing and slammed Briefcase onto a
table! Moaning something about Clydesdales (or was that Clyde's Tables?)
Hippychick proceeded to ravish Briefcase over and over again, to the
delight of the spying newsdroids. Computo wandered in and when Hippychick
finally told her about Briefcase's hidden flaw, Computo jumped in to get a
piece of the action! 
 
Some five hours later the two women were finally satisfied, and after
blowing kisses to Briefcase wandered off to go freshen up. As for
Briefcase? Well, he's still in shock--and hopes it'll happen again sometime
soon! 
 
 
 **>> GROAT-GNABBING PLANET OWNERS? 
 
It's often believed that planet owners are one of the "Rich People" of
FedSpace--but that doesn't mean that they'll end up any less stingy. 
 
For a while, Squire Kainaw of Tisnar was offering a 25 meg reward to the
first person to solve his puzzle on his "tourist trap" planet. When
Briefcase solved it and came to get his reward, the truth in advertising
became real! Kainaw refuse to pay Briefcase the reward! Instead, Kainaw
told Briefcase that he'd let Briefcase build a factory on his planet.
(Worth all of two megs.) 
 
It's bad enough for a player when he or she puts in a lot of hard work to
solve a puzzle (and give the planet-owner player minutes to boot) and then
gets stiffed. But after one planet owner does so, what's to stop other
planet owners from doing the same? And how can any player feel that if they
solve a planet puzzle they'll get the promised reward? 
 
There is no guarantee that a planet owner will give the reward money that
has been promised. But up until now, there has always been a sense of honor
about planet puzzles - perhaps because all other planet owners to date have
realized that if they want planet minutes, making people not want to even
touch your planet is a bad idea. 
 
This newsdroid certainly won't be surprised if Tisnar's planet minutes
suddenly dry up. If Kainaw stabbed one player in the back - who's to say he
won't find other ways? 
 
 
 **>> AVAST BEHIND! 
 
Shiver me timbers, me hearties, we're off on a visit to Fed DataSpace's
latest planet: a little adventure on the piratical world of Cove, courtesy
of Squire Dierdre. Arrrrr, Jim lad! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. 
 
From orbit, Cove looks attractive and welcoming. We could well understand
why the original colonists chose to move here. 
 
The landing pad seemed a little precarious - would the rickety wooden pier
take the weight of our ship? We had no choice but to risk it if we wanted
to explore this world. 
 
Breathing the sea air deep into our lungs, we headed north to the docks,
exploring the exchange, the surgeon's house, an open air market where all
kinds of goods were on sale, and the local shipwrights. North again took us
to Admiral Bimbo Inn, then further north a footpath leading to the Manor
House owned by the local Squire. He, it seemed, wasn't receiving visitors,
being so upset about the kidnapping of his beautiful daughter. 
 
Back to the docks: and east and west lead to warehouse areas, where one
unwary step means a painful encounter with a native ruffian, and
imprisonment on a pirate ship! From here, the adventure begins... 
 
Cove is an excellent planet. Dierdre has a fine grasp of atmosphere and has
littered the descriptions with language to remind you that this is a pirate
world. She told us there is an error in one of the events that prevents the
puzzle from working correctly, but once that is fixed (sometime this week,
she hopes) she will be offering a reward for the first person who can
return the Squire's daughter! 
 
Cove is great fun to explore, so much so that we are awarding Dierdre our
coveted Walrus of Merit! 
 
 
 **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES 
 
Two new Senators... one less duchy... one new planet... the loss of two old
planet... things look quite different now! 
 
Mira's accession through the ranks culminated yesterday with her solving
the Duke puzzle and becoming a Duchesse. Her promotion meant that a Duke
had to go to make room for her, and Marcia was promoted to Senator - which
flung the Roissy planets out into the cold aloneness of independence. 
 
Being a Party Host, Mira was immediately shunted up to Senator herself,
leaving one free duchy slot to be filled by the next person to solve the
puzzle. Rumour has it that it'll be Amigan, who has started working on
builds again and hopes to complete them some time in the next week. 
 
Mira's promotion saw her planet Genera disappear; Maxwell's death (see
previous story) meant Dawn vanished too. 
 
Dierdre's new planet Cove joined up with Riccardo's Links. 
 
So here's the standing at the moment: 
 
Independent Systems: Starship, Ulster, Utopia. 
 
Looney's Insanity: Dunnottar, Mycenae, Surf. 
 
Riccardo's Links: Paradigm, Addis, Eire, Sutra, Epini, Pagrah, Cove. 
 
Nightstalker's Nightfall: Valaria, Mirai, Rtyui, Nautilus, Seppuku, Chaos,
Tisnar. 
 
Gemini's Ssenmaerd: Fortymile, Vertigo, Bree, Qushmarrah, Hyperion,
Outpost. 
 
Barberousse's Source: Skan, Acme, Phlebos. 
 
Talisan's Shelter has become an Industrial world, and Chainsaw's Nautilus
is now a Technical world. 
 
 
 **>> SPYNET REVIEW 
 
Lots of promotions to report on this week, and only one tragic death!
Congratulations to everyone who promoted. 
 
The new Captains were Cutthroat, Spacey, Darkchilde, Wyrd, Wishbringer,
Nessa, Breaker and Maxwell (back from the dead). 
 
Rg, Brain, Darkchilde, Wishbringer, Maxwell, Maxis, Reade, Nessa and Spacey
were promoted to Adventurer or Adventureuse. 
 
The Traders Guild admitted Silverwolf, Sabaton, Cheri, Darkchilde, Rg,
Astrin, Maxwell and Nessa. 
 
Janel, Thor and Maxwell made it to Merchant. 
 
The awesome JP puzzle was cracked by Gortek and Deric. 
 
Dierdre was promoted to Squire as her new planet was linked into the game. 
 
Talisan and Mira's planets moved on, and they became Industrialists. 
 
Mira zoomed straight onto Technocrat. Chainsaw also became a Technocrat. 
 
Mira continued her rise, promoting to Baroness, then solving the devilish
Duke puzzle to become a Duke - then zooming right up to Senator! 
 
Marcia was promoted to Senator, too. 
 
Baron Maxwell went dead-dead (see previous story). He's back and working
hard to regain his lost status. 
 
Finally, Tellurain has played 1000 games - and all of them disgusting! 
 
 
 **>> CONTACTS 
 
The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so
you don't have to read it if you already know it. 
 
In the event of a problem or question, you can: 
 
 * talk to Hazed, Bella, Emmi, Mira, Tellurian or Tellurain in the game 
 
 * <SEND> a message to Hazed 
 
 * send GEnie mail with the Mail about Federation option from the main menu
 
A front-end terminal program is available for Federation, for the PC and
Amiga. You can download a copy of FedTerm from the Federation official
libraries (option 3 on the main Fed page). 
 
The third edition of the unexpurgated printed Idiot's Guide to Federation
is now available, price $15.95. Type ORDER from any GEnie main menu and buy
one. Or more! 
 
Federation has several categories in the MPGames RT. To get there, type
M1045,1 from any menu prompt and SET category 13 (for information,
instructions, questions and answers) or 14 (for general chat and
discussions). The Federation Leader in the bulletin board is Oxcart (Mail
ID: J.LONG29). There are also private categories for Explorers and the
Sentate, run by Krell (Mail ID: K.HILLYER). 
 
The MPGames RT has a Federation player library in the files area, Lib 5. 
 
 
 **>> BULLETIN ENDS