**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.04.23 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> GALACTIC ADMINISTRATION HEALTH WARNING: MACROS CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH It's time we reminded you all again of the dangers of relying on macros. A high-level player went d-d this week because they were running on a macro which didn't stop when something went wrong. The Federation team have never supported the use of macros in Fed. We make minor changes to the game all the time, and sometimes things we change will mean your macros won't work properly. If you choose to use macros, you bear the responsibility if anything untoward happens. We should also remind you that you should never, -*ever*- run unattended macros. Computers are stupid, and so are macros; they will go on doing what they've been told to do even if the result is not what you expected. A sudden burst of line noise, a network delay, the intervention of another player, a change to the game... there are lots of things that can confuse a macro and if you are not watching that confusion could result in the loss of your persona. You have been warned! **>> RENOVATIONS Diesel has had the builders. No, hang on... that should say: Diesel has had the builders in. She thought it was about time Chez Diesel was renovated, in particular the Executive Services part of her operation. Now, patrons who avail themselves of her discreet charms (or those of her hunks) are no longer shoved out of the back door into that smelly Mare's Nest; they are left to recover themselves in much more pleasant surroundings. Indeed, in an attempt to reduce the bad smells that used to waft in from the Mare's Nest, she has had the hole in the ceiling bricked up! This means the Beaten Path into the ruins is seeing much more traffic than it used to... Of course, the newly-plastered ceiling in CDs now has many dents in it, made by the heads of those who forget they can't go UP any more! **>> TEA AND QUESTIONS WITH FREYA The Federation Game Hosts are always available to answer your questions. Please don't be shy about approaching them if you have any problems or worries, or if you're confused about something in the game. Whenever a Host is in Federation, he she, or it is "on duty" and is there to help you. We realise, however, that some people would rather have a more formal environment in which to voice their concerns, so every Wednesday evening Freya will host a "tea and questions" session where you can chat to her about Fed. From time to time, Hazed will be present so you can put your questions direct to the demi-Goddess herself. There will be no formal topics of discussion for these sessions. They are just an occasion when you know you can talk about anything you like about Fed! How things are, how they used to be, why they are like they are... whatever. So don't forget, every Wednesday, Tea and Questions with Freya. Watch the barboard for the time and venue. **>> TRAINING SESSIONS Get your diaries out... here is the schedule for the rest of the year for our regular Schools to teach you about different aspects of Fed. The schools are always on the third Sunday of each month. May 21 Trading June 18 Planet design July 16 Fighting school August 20 Mapping and mazes September 17 Puzzles October 15 Planet exchange management November 19 Factory management December 17 Roleplaying and creating your personna We'll be having guest speaks for many of these schools, and where appropriate will link special planets in as an aid; for example, lots of mobiles to shoot at for the fighting school! Details of speakers, times and venues will be announced nearer the Schools. **>> NO PRIVACY! There was much consternation last Wednesday when those looking for a private corner in which to carry out their business discovered that Surf had spun out - taking The Ritz with it! Panic-stricken planet-owners couldn't check their digests, for fear that spies would peer over their shoulders and learn all their business secrets; shy lovers had to cancel their private trysts. Thankfully for those with something to hide, although not so thankfully for us newsdroids, the planet came back the next day after anguished cries brought Surfer into Fed DataSpace. **>> UNOFFICIAL TERRORISM? We may have an official ambassador from Saturn (or Zaturn), but that doesn't mean the race is no longer a threat. Zaturnian terrorist activity has been on the increase, and although the official government spokesthings deny any involvement and Ambazzador Zzzax mouths the usual platitudes about how they are powerless against rebels, we are sceptical. Their latest trick has been the sabotaging of teleporters, resulting in the shocking death of Baron Ciaran. "Zaturnian terrorists threw a spanner into my time machine as I was about to fire it up, sending Ulster into a timewarp, and me with it," said Ciaran when we interviewed him. Before Ciaran had a chance to get to an insurance office, he was dragged out of the wreckage by the aliens and held for ransome. Unfortunately, their demand for 100 groats and a free visit to Diesel's Executive Services went astray, and on receiving no answer they executed the poor Baron and dumped his body outside The Ritz. It seems no-one is safe! **>> THE INSECT FIGHTS BACK Game Host Chrysalis would like it made plain that she is -*not*- a bug. She is a feature. **>> HUNTING THE EASTER RABBIT -- WITH ADMIRAL A special report by Arthur Eire The Easter Rabbit, a fuzzy, almost childlike creature, who is presently happily bounding about in our Federation dataspace. We are going to join Admiral, that dashing gentleman of the net, in an effort to track down this ancient and much beloved symbol of life and resurrection. When we find him, we plan to kill him. Admiral is prepared. He has armed himself with the best weaponry that the Fed can offer. "I estimate that I've spent almost two megs," says Admiral. Clearly this is going to be no Easter Egg Hunt. We get into his ship, and take off. The initial stages of the hunt are long and drawn out. There is a great deal of searching to do. During this time, Admiral waxes poetically on the great challenge that is before him in a manner not unlike Rudyard Kipling. "The rabbit e's a clever chap, e can't be taken lightly. When out his ole, is ead e'll poke, You don't greet im politely. For our dear life, upon this Earth, Is not so sweet and sunny. And we must hunt, wit' blood and sweat, That clever Easter Bunny. You old yer guns, an' loose the ounds, To track im down and sniff im. And when you've got im in yer sights, You takes yer aim and kills im! For our dear life, upon this Earth, Comes not wit' bread an' oney. An' you must seek, wit' pain and strife, That wiley Easter Bunny. And when you've gone, and done the deed, is corpse upon the bramble. Tis then you rest, and set a spell, Your tired mind e'll ramble. For our dear life, upon the Earth, Is not a joy nor funny, And we must stalk, wit toil an' fear, That sneeky Easter Bunny. This will prove hopefully, to be an epic event. We spy tracks! The hunt is on! Admiral cautiously inches his ship forward, towards the black hole that is the rabbit's lair. As we reach the hole, I place a microphone beside it to see what we can hear. There is a sound of munching carrots. "Come here wittle wabbit!" calls Admiral. "I've got a wovly carwot for you! Hah hah hah." The rabbit comes out of his hole. He is a tall gray rabbit, with a white belly and fuzzy tail. He wears a pair of white gloves. He addresses Admiral as a Doctor, and asks him what is presently up. Admiral is clearly befuddled by this behavior. Then, the rabbit makes his move! He snogs Admiral and dashes off. Admiral's face becomes a scarlet red and he opens fire with everything he has, mag guns, missiles, and lasers. The chase is on! The rabbit dashes across the spacelanes of the Fed, bounding this way and that. Admiral continues to fire at a frightening pace. Across his COM come dozens of encouragements and huzzahs as the chase is followed throughout Fed DataSpace. Then the rabbit swan dives into another black hole. Admiral comes right up to it, aims his weaponry into the event horizon and unleashes tons of hot death into its bottomless gullet. But to no avail. The rabbit comes back out. Clearly he has no fear. He leans against the barrel of Admiral's weapon and eats a carrot. Once again, he addresses Admiral as a doctor, and informs him that it is not Rabbit Season, but Duck Season. Admiral is clearly confused. Suddenly! a black duck with a white neck band arrives on the scene and challenges the rabbit's statement. "It's Rabbit Season!" cries the duck. "Duck Season," replies the rabbit. "Rabbit Season!" shouts the duck. "Duck Season," answers the rabbit. "Rabbit Season!" screams the duck. "Rabbit Season," says the rabbit. "Duck Season!" howls the duck. "Rabbit Season," suggests the rabbit. "Duck Season! Attack!" shrieks the duck. Admiral opens up and unleashes tons of fiery death upon... the duck. As the smoke clears, all that is left is a small pile of gently settling black feathers, and a beak. The rabbit dashes off again. Admiral gives chase with a renewed flurry of weaponry! The hunt has clearly taken on a life if it's own. Once again, cheers and cries of encouragement come from the COM as all of Fed is moved by this spectacle of splendid sportsmanship and high tech weaponry. Then, without warning, the rabbit disappears. Admiral pauses and reloads his weapons. His ammunition is clearly running out. We advance cautiously, fully aware of the possibility of ambush, for there is nothing more dangerous than a wounded Easter Bunny. Then it happens. A woman suddenly appears upon the scene. It is unlike any woman Admiral has seen before. It is not Freya, it is not Asrianna, it is not Aja, it is not Kate, nor Hannah, nor even Goddess. It is even not (God Forbid) Snookums. She looks like a southern belle. Her dress is wide and floats across the floor, she is carrying a parasol and a basket of Easter Eggs. Admiral's hormones are completely carbolized. "Would you take care of my li'l ole basket for me?" She asks. Admiral drops to one knee and replies in the affirmative. She kisses him upon the cheek and he floats upon the air for a full five seconds. Then she gives him the basket which he clutches, with the care normally reserved for a new born babe, upon his breast. We hear a hissing noise coming from the basket. Lifting up the eggs, we discover that the entire basket is one gigantic firecracker in disguise. The basket explodes. When the smoke clears, Admiral's nose is now upon his forehead. His hair, blackened, streams out from behind him like the tail of a comet. His clothing is smoldering, and his face has been rendered totally black. Admiral silently flies back to Mars. We get out of his ship. Upon touching Martian soil, Admiral throws himself upon the ground and cries like a defeated child, hitting the ground with his fists and kicking his legs. It is indeed a tragedy to see the epitome of Federation manhood rendered to a state like this. Clearly the hunt for the Easter Bunny is a far greater challenge than many can endure. This is your Fed corespondent, Arthur Eire, signing off. **>> WEDDING ON THE BEACH Spacesinger and Goddess were married last night, on the beach on Block (that's Spacesinger's planet). Cardinal Tellurian presided over the ceremony, his robes flapping in the breeze so much that we are no longer in any doubt about what he wears under them! The highlight of the ceremony was the exploding seagulls, resulting in the guests reaching for their umbrellas to shield themselves from the debris. The loving couple booked The Ritz for the night, thus frustrating all those voyeurs who wanted to watch their consummation. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES This week, there's another new planet: Page's Classic, which is reviewed below. We also take a look at Helena's Troy. Still to be reviewed are Spacesinger's Block, which we'll be looking at next week (so make sure it's ready, SS!) and Chicago's City, which will also be explored next week. Cheri's Aise and Drspock's Conception are now Industrial worlds, and Aren's Naug has advanced to become a Technical world. We're a Duke short this week: China discovered that combining a macro with a teleporter can be a dangerous business. All her planets were flung out into the cold loneliness of Independence, and have had to join up with other Dukes until she regains her former position. Here's what the duchies look like right now: Silk's Fortymile has six planets: Maxwell's Dawn, Surfer's Surf, Aren's Naug, Devon's Tanarith, Thomas' Haven and Erica's Trilight. Zagmar's Valaria also has six: Akiko's Mirai, Rakshasa's Utopia, Cicero's Roma, Bgg's Cafe, Ukla's Fubar and the new planet, Page's Classic. Sean's Eire has four planets: Skurge's Vannitel, Cheri's Aise, Windman's Storm and Primetime's Esquire. Amigan's Athens has seven: Neuromancer's Paradigm, Mosquito's Sutra, Talisan's Skan, Brawn's Outpost, DrSpock's Corona, Corinthus' Laconia and Scrooge's Hermitage. Chance's Chaos, with eight planets, is the current monster-duchy: Byterunner's Parabit, Raven's Dichotomy, Galena's Mallavia, Silas' Silo, Kainaw's Tisnar, Helena's Troy, Asriann's Sine and Chicago's City. Aja's Sphinx has four worlds: Tantras' Vertigo, Dirge's Qushmarrah, Tellurani's Citadel and Ceinwen's Greenvale. Budwarp's Epini has six planets: Deirdre's Cove, Astrin's Ymris, Sorak's Tyr, Brandy's Nexus, Kain's Empyrean and Spacesinger's Blockhead. **>> THE PLANET THAT LAUNCED A THOUSAND SHIPS Helena's Troy is not only well-written and fun to explore, it's also a educational experience! But don't let that put you off... Troy is a world that tells a story. Apart from the usual services around the landing pad, the planet is made up of a series of locations that force you along a single path, the text providing a narrative that draws you along through a series of scenes from ancient Greece. Specifically, the planet tells the story of the Trojan war which lasted for ten years and was fought because of the beautiful Helen of Troy, as well as showing scenes with Greek gods. It's a fun planet to visit and we thoroughly recommend it. **>> A CLASSIC AMONG PLANETS Page's planet went into the game and was ready to be reviewed straight away: she'd got it all right before linking it. If only for that, she deserves congratulations! But Page's achievement is much greater than simply getting it all to work first time. She has crafted an excellent planet with an elegant puzzle. This is a literary planet, and most of the locations reflect this interest in books. The first hint you get that something is wrong on the planet is on the landing pad; and this is soon confirmed when an encounter with one of literature's greatest detectives tells you what needs to be done. That's all we're going to say, because we don't want to give away any of the surprises of this planet. For the first time in many months, we have great pleasure in awarding Page the coveted Walrus of Merit for her fine planet. Well done, Page! **>> SPYNET REVIEW It's been a week of high-level deaths... Duchesse China had a little accident with a macro and a teleporter. She's working her way back to her former position and will be a planet- owner very shortly. Industrialist Brain went d-d not long after. Baron Ciaran was next to go d-d - see the story earlier in this bulletin. He's back to Explorer and is reconstructing his planet. Finally, Merchant Willow died. Commiserations to those who died, and congratulations to everyone who was promoted during the past week. The new Captains were Stud, Shilone, Leopold, Pigpen, Wildrunner, Leopold, China, Hallo, Peter, Ciaran, Lydia, Ringo, Taffy and Martin. Stud, Klatu, Instill, China, Peter, Ciaran, Shilone and Taffy made it to Adventurer and Adventureuse. The Traders Guild admitted Stud, Hannah, China, Peter, Tralfagar, Ciaran, Tiberius and Shilone to its ranks. Stud, China, Ciaran and Goddess were promoted to Merchant. The awesome JP puzzle was easily solved by China, Gallahad, Ciaran and Deth. China and Ciaran cracked the fiendish GM puzzle (for the second time!). They both went on to become Explorers. Page became a Squire as her new planet, Classic, was linked into the game. Cheri and Drspock were promoted to Industrialist by advancing their planets, and Aren became a Technocrat. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Phoenix, Chrysalis, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky and Zzzax. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS