**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.06.11 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Freya and Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> THE PLANET THAT JUST WOULDN'T DIE... We've had a few cases recently of planet-owners going dead-dead, whether by accident or by design, and having their planets stick around afterwards like spectres at the feast. Sometimes these rogue planets show someone completely different as the Overlord! It's as if they have been taken over by another player. That is, in fact, what happens. Because of the method the game uses to save planet data, if a planet-owner dies and then comes back with a new name, the new persona gets custody of the old planet. The techdroids have been looking at the code that handles this, and it needs to be sorted out so that on death, planets go away properly. But until they do clean it up, we'd like you to be aware of what's happening. Obviously, if the d-d is an accident we can't ask you to plan ahead! But it you plan to kill off your character and start again, either on the same account or switching to a different account using the same persona name, please can you take your planet offline and then wait until it has actually gone before you do the deed. Those that are starting again will benefit from doing it this way; otherwise, when it comes time for your planet to be re-linked when you reach Explorer, the techdroids have to do a lot of cleaning up work to get rid of the old planet data. This delays your planet coming into the game. **>> THE TOP-END OF FED Tonight at 6.00pm eastern, there will be meeting in Fed to discuss the different options for the top ranks of Fed. The Fed management have changed their plans for how these ranks should work, and Hazed will be giving information about the new plans, and the options available, and will answer any questions players have. Although the changes mostly affect Dukes and Senators, they will have a knock-on affect that runs right through all the ranks of the game, so all players are welcome to attend the meeting and put forward their views. After the meeting, Dukes and Senators will be asked to choose which of the options presented they prefer. By the time we write next week's news, decisions should have been taken so we'll bring you full details next Sunday. **>> HERE IS THE OLDS The Federation News Archive on GEnie now has bulletins from May to August 1994. You can download them from the official library on page 220. **>> INCUBATION IN EGGSTASY Early this week, the "Bug" found itself in a rather baffling state. It had been turned into an Egg. This can be explained several ways, but this newsdroid has taken the two popular views of the galaxy; either nature is a bit upset that Caterpillar/Chrysalis/Grasshopper gave ovahood a miss and decided that it should experience this blessed state, OR (and this is the "official" story) The Imperial Galactic Housing Dept. could not find a cocoon to shove the (I'm NOT a) Grasshopper back into and an Egg is the closest they could find. Both viewpoints do suggest that Grasshopper -was-, in fact, a hallucination set up by the Administrations that Are to cover up their fiendish act of stuffing the bug back into an egg. When the newsdroid asked Egg how it felt about this latest (under)development, it was met with a dumfounded Ova. The newsdroid asked, 'It's no yolk, is it?' Seeing the Egg's obvious distress, the droid quickly followed up with, 'Don't worry, I am sure everything will be all white.' The Egg continued to stare in utter disbelief while the droid continued to make amends with, 'It will be ova soon, we shell see to that!' The newsdroid made sure to contact all the Ming's horses, and all the Ming's men just in case the Egg should go over the wall with this. Meanwhile, Diesel has removed all the beaters and whisks from the kitchen of CDs for fear of sending the Egg into a further panic. Collectors of the POD Action Figures will be happy to know that all merchandize while the Bug was Chrysalis have just tripled in value, selling now for over 300 meg a piece! There were very few Grasshopper Action Figures made since they couldn't get Grasshopper to sit still long enough to model. These are expected to top at 1 gig. **>> AND ZE WINNER IZ... That's right! The winner of Zzzax's contest to design him a room is ready to be announced! You may remember the contest - design Zzzax a room or series of rooms to serve as his office (since his homeworld of Saturn is lost in another dimension) and the lucky planet owner would win Zzzax's Naval Base for a month! And the winner is... Ukla, Squire of Snafu! Ukla created Zzzax one of the legendary working bathroom stalls on the world of Snafu - since no other toilets work there, these are in high demand! To get to Zzzax's stall, from the landing pad the directions are S, SE, U, E, S, S, S, S, W. Teleporters can just to zap there immediately. Zzzax also recommends that you explore the other stalls in the area. "I waz very amuzed by ze final rezultz!" he said. Two planet-owners also claimed to have created Zzzax an office... but their motives were less than sterling. Byterunner gave directions on his planet of Parabit, but they led into a less-than-desireable place to be in. Zzzax said he was "not amuzed." Tellurani said that if she DID create an office for planet, it'd be two southeast of her link. Curious to see if there really was an outerspace office, Ambassador Zzzax flew there and discovered that Citadel's defense grid is still at full power. "I zhould've known," Zzzax moaned. Several other planet owners said that they were working on offices for Zzzax, but didn't have time to complete them. If you're interested in having another contest for the month of July, drop Zzzax some sendmail in the game, and if there's enough interest, he'll have a second contest to see who gets it when Ukla's month is up. **>> PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT BY KAIN After weeks of "Lights! Camera! Action!", "God of Evil", the story of Kain's transformation into an evil being, and his return to good, is finally finished! To view the story, land on Empyrean. South of the Landing Pad is the Prologue. North, north, and west is the main story. If there is any reason you do not like "God of Evil", Kain will compensate 10 megagroats for lost time... but a REALLY good explaination is needed. ** >>PERSONAL & CLASSIFIED ADS * Magneto: Who vandalized my ATM? Silas? I hear you get blamed for everthing * Helena: Ships launched in new unique way. Franchises available. * Venture capital available. Sendmail Asrianna for details * Going Out of Business Sale! POD products available at closeout prices. Everything must go to make way for new product line. Limited time offer. * Public Service Announcement: See, told ya I wasn't a Grasshopper! * Handsome, well endowed SM Baron! Talk to me about stud services! Sendmail Asrianna for details. * SM looking for SF. Any species ok. Note: I am not a bird. Sendmail Sparrowhawk. **>> DADDY'S GIRL Tranquility on Shelter was shattered this week when that naughty little velociraptor Spudi visited her Daddy Tantras in Fed Dataspace. Spudi went right to work chomping on the tires on Satriani's Stratocaster. Despite Satriani's protests, she munched her way through them all, burping at last and leaving the scent of rubber lingering in the air. After a brief but formal introduction, she leaped at Instill and ate his sword. [Satriani said, 'Last time she got upset, I had to replace my Lamborghini.'] Alas, despite all Tantras' pleas, Instill has joined that long list of Fed Studs who declined the honor of marrying little Spudi. **>> DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES The recent spate [yes, that's a real word, of course it is, don't be silly, would we make something up?] of deaths this past week lead us to place a NewsDroid, cleverly disguised as a rubbish bin in Chez Diesel. We managed to record the following conversation between some of Fed's highest ranking residents: Planet Owner A: Did you hear Deth took his own life because he was so in love with Dierdre but she wouldn't have an illicit affair with him? Hostess F: hmmmm Planet Owner A: Well, he >did< go d-d... what other explanation could there have been other than sex or politics? Explorer S: Are you saying that's why I went d-d? Planet Owner A: You went D-D cos Dee wouldn't have an illicit affair with you too, Starman! My, this begins to sound like a conspiracry! Hostess F: hmmmm Planet Owner A: And that's not all...the new Trader Agate has been causing quite a stir among Fed ladies! Oh yes.. not only Mosquito has been seen casting eyes in his direction...But I hear he even charmed... Page! Yes Page it was! Planet Owner P: Not likely! I find him too... stoney. Hostess F: Sounds like a rocky romance. Planet Owner P: Besides, he'll never find the key to my chastity belt, that's well hidden! He'll never figure out it's in the AT&W1&(*^&((*(&^*&$% [line noise caused the remainder of the conversation to be completely distorted] **>> GEEZER v. H-by-A [WEEK 3] The discrimination lawsuit being brought by Geezer against H-by-A has now become a Class Action! In an unexpected development, Grannie has joined Geezer in his fight for dignity, accessibility, and a senior citizens' discount at Deisel's Executive Services. H-by-A refused to comment on the case, only saying, "we're looking into it and we'll get back to you soon". **>> FATHER OF THE BRIDE Once again, the family of Duke Budwarp expands with a new addition to the fold. Friday night, acting as both Father of the Bride and as religious leader of the flock, Budwarp married his daughter Kirchansky to Gallahad in a simple but touching ceremony. The happy couple exchanged rings while family and friends gathered as witnesses. Deirdre showered the newlyweds with rose petels and Bud warmly welcomed his new son-in-law into the ever-explanding Epini family. As Kirchansky threw her bridal bouquet, it broke in two and was caught by Goddess who was escorted by Pyke and also by Cheri who was later seen tete a tete with Starman. It seems that there may be more Epini weddings in the near future... We hesitate to introduce the dark subject of politics to such a happy occasion but we must ask once more... Is there an ulterior motive to Budwarp's increasing family? Between the usual toasts to "love everlasting" a quiet glass was also raised to "Duke Chance and the Chaos Duchy, may relations between..." Perhaps Budwarp is not only concerned with having sufficient children to pay his bills in his old age? Perhaps this kindly Duke is a latter day Machievelli scheming his way through the poltical corridors to the Imperial Palace? When questioned about possibly Ducal alliances, Budwarp responded, "I don't remember, I'll have to get with Dee on that...." **>> DIESEL'S CEILING Poor Diesel is getting really fed up with the constant damage to her ceiling. She's had to pay a retainer to the local decorator droids because repairs need to be done just about every day! The problem is that since she blocked up the hole that lead into the ruins, people still try to climb up and bang their heads on the ceiling, causing bits of plaster to fall off and paint to be chipped. The worst offender is Starman, who comes charging into CDs on autopilot and tries to bore a hole through the ceiling with his head! She's now thinking of putting an Event there... so if people try to go UP, they find themselves shunted somewhere very unexpected. Like Transuranics on Titan, perhaps! **>> MISSING PARENTS Venom's search for his missing mommy and daddy continues. He's ruled out Devon and Zarnaf as possible parents, and has asked Marcia to help him check things out. Not that he thinks Marcia is his mommy, of course, although with the number of husbands she's had (some of them her own, too) anything is possible! **>> SCANDAL AND LIES My oh my. It seems our story last week about Ecco spreading her favors around hit a few sore spots. We've been innundated by demands (containing lots of exclamation marks) from Ecco and Hermes that we retract the story and make it quite clear that Ecco loves only Hermes, has not been fooling around with anyone else, loves only Hermes, has nothing to do with Bgg or Instill or Winman, loves only Hermes, wouldn't touch anyone else with tongs, and loves only Hermes. So, just to put the record straight, Ecco loves only Hermes. **>> PLANETS AND DUCHIES Two new planets hit the heavens this week, Gallahad's Camelot and Stud's Water, and one old planet returned from the dead, Mosquito's Kama. Camelot is reviewed below, Water isn't complete yet. Byterunner's Parabit has advanced to become a Mining planet. **>> COMEALOT TO CAMELOT Gallahad's planet Camelot certainly likes visitors! As we stepped out onto the landing pad, there were fanfares and celebrations, in fact we received a right royal welcome! Of course, as soon as they realised we were only NewsDroids they stopped and left us alone again... With a planet called Camelot, owned by a Squire called Gallahad, you could probably guess what the theme of the world is. It's a mediaevel planet, full of knights, noblemen and ladies, castles and forests, and other historical things. The usual services are location off the landing pad. Walking through the exchange leads to a fair full of jostling crowds, bustling shoppers and merchants trying to sell their wares to the lords and ladies of the planet. We carried on walking along a path that lead into a forest, when we found something very surprising... Robin Hood, being confronted by his arch enemy Sir Guy of Gisborne! Taking care not to be seen by the soldiers, we followed the path further to a castle, which turned out to be that of King John. The mythologies may be slightly mixed, but Camelot is a nice little planet that's easy and fun to explore. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Sadly, there were a number of deaths during the past week. We say farewell to Adventurer Mosley, Journeywoman Lori, Explorer Fool and Squire Deth. Squire Asrianna and Explorer Starman also went dead-dead but they have started again and are clawing their way back through the ranks. Congratulations to everyone who achieved promotion during the week. The new Captains were Brain, Starnite, Snirt, Plantking, Zaxaphor, Space, Osiris, Beoir, Asrianna, Thanthalas, Ascii, Cabal, Starman and Kitiara. Hermes, Brain, Osiris, Asrianna, Plantking, Cabal and Starman made it to Adventurer/euse. The Traders Guild has some new members, Asrianna, Plantking, Cabal and Osiris. Asrianna, Apollo and Agate were promoted to Merchant. The awesome JP puzzle was cracked by Anais, Goddess, Asrianna and Starstruck. Asrianna solved the fiendist GM puzzle, then went on to become an Explorer. Pyke also reached Explorer. Gallahad, Stud and Mosquito were promoted to Squire as their planets were linked into the game. Byterunner became a Thane. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Egg, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Shady, Geezer and Magneto. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS