**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.07.30 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> WELCOME TO TWO NEW HOSTS The demi-Goddess Hazed has appointed two new Game Hosts: Goblin and Syfari. Please be gentle with them while they find their feet (or equivalent). Meanwhile, the Egg has hatched, and out crawled a small spiny rodent. The latest in a series of evolutionary experiments which saw Caterpillar change to Chrysalis, then Grasshopper, then Egg has now resulted in a Porcupine. Charles Darwin would be spinning in his grave! Of course, this isn't any ordinary Porcupine. It is, in fact, the Imperial Porcupine. We don't know if the spiny one is going to try, yet again, to hatch, or gestate, or be born, into something more appealing... maybe a duck-billed platypus? **>> WANT TO COME TO A THE BEST PARTY IN THE GALAXY? Tonight is Party Night in Fed! Join us at 7.00pm eastern in Chez Diesel for a summer party. Diesel will be barbequeing Marsrat drumsticks, Zlitherworm steaks, spicy Marillion wings and GroundHog kebabs, and Hazed will be handing out party hats and streamers. Every Sunday in Fed there's a special event going on... and in those months when there are five Sundays, the fifth is always PARTY NIGHT! It's your chance to forget about the hard work of hauling cargo or trading goods, to let your hair down - or put it up - and just have some fun. So come and join the party tonight! **>> TRIVIA TRIVIA TRIVIA... IN THE ADULT SPACE FANTASY Next Sunday, it's trivia time in Fed! This is your chance to demonstrate your knowledge of all things Fed-related, as our Trivia Maitreuse taxes your brain and teases out those obscure little factoids. So if you need a break from hauling cargo, or trading on the exchanges or managing the economy of a planet, join Game Hostess Lyrynna. There's groats for the winners, as well as the opportunity to impress your friends with your knowledge of the obscure. Come and show off your knowledge next Sunday, August 6th, at 7.00pm eastern, in Chez Diesel, the Social Center of the Solar System, for Fed Trivia! **>> NEW FILE WILL AID MAPPING There's a new file in the Federation Official Library on page 220. GRIDMAPS.ZIP has been uploaded by Zodiac, and it contains templates to use while mapping Fed. There is a version in GIF format and one in PCX format. Very useful! **>> CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP Aja has obviously tired to her sex slave, Oxcart. He announced recently that his contract with her was expired, and he was available for sale again. Perhaps this sudden release had something to do with the unfortunate accident when the demi-Goddess Hazed fired her laser at his hydraulic prosthesis, rendering it completely useless, and Ox a mere shadow of his former self. Hearing that he was now ownerless, the mischevious little sprite Syfari decided that here was her chance to make a fortune. She announced that she was auctioning him off, expecting the offers of megagroats to flood in! Silly thing, she obviously didn't realise that last time he was purchase it was for just 10 groats, and that was before he was damaged. Eventually, Syfari had to settle for just 2 groats from Chironess, who proudly bore off her second-hand goods. **>> AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE If you're tired of walking everywhere, making your feet (or equivalent) come out in blisters... or fed up with wasting fuel flying between the planets... then Starman has just the thing for you! He's offering a "totally safe teleporter", manually operated, that straps to your back. No risk of those unpleasant accidents, and no more hiking! Hurry and order yours now. There's a free set of swiss army knives to the first 100 people to place an order. **>> ANOTHER OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE Starman is turning into quite the little entrepreneur. His latest offer: you give him something, and he'll give you something back! Sounds good to us... the only catch is, he won't tell you ahead of time what you'll get in return. He claims he can't divulge what he is trading or who he is trading with, but it involves high risk, high profit, and hip waders. Our newsdroid saw him whispering with Oxcart in CDs... we suspect it's probably better for the denizens of Fed DataSpace that they don't know the details! **>> NEWS FROM THE DUCHY OF EPINI Budwarp said he has no idea what he's been doing lately. He'll get together with his lovely wife, Dierdre, and she'll tell him what he's been doing, so he can get back to us with the details. Watch this space! **>> ANOTHER SILENT MAN Scrooge also had nothing to say. He was much too thrifty with words to allow them to be wasted explaining why he had nothing to say! Not the sort of person a newsdroid enjoys interviewing. Hmmm... if Scrooge was being so taciturn, it obviously can't have been him we saw sweet-talking a female Fed Lovely over the comms the other night! **>> SQUATTER'S RIGHTS Satriani plans to explore and map Arena Space. A worthy undertaking, useful for anyone who wishes to undertake duels in the Arena. But no, he has an ulterior motive. He and an unnamed planet owner are considering sneaking a planet into Arena space and selling time-share apartments to low-ranking players! Quite what the Galactic Administration will have to say about this, we don't know. Is there such a concept as Squatter's Rights in Fed DataSpace? **>> CELEBRATION Our newsdroid apprehending a drunken JP and asked him what had been happening lately. Here's the story: We held a small celebration for RedB who I think made trader... we'd all been drinking a bit with Diesel and when RedB announded he had done it, we just yelled for him to come to CD's for a drink on us. It was the usual Fed drinking and carousing and unspeakable acts performed on Oxcart or by Oxcart depending upon who was telling it. Lots of old "tales of Fed", including how the tightbeams were originally two paper cups and cotton string. **>> WIMMIN'S WORLD Mara and Zodiac have been seen smirking over a set of blueprints at the Duff Modem bar lately. Since the end of their dual search for a husband to please them both, they have decided to build an all women's planet. When questioned they said it would be ready any day now, as soon as their nailpolish dried and they got back from the hairdresser. **>> SPYNET REVIEW Welcome to all new players, and congratulations to those who were promoted during the week. The new Captains were Chrioness, Ladykiller, Redb, Rokmonster, Spawn, Lone, Neko, Master and Rchael. Briarrose, Redb, Ladykiller and Master were promoted to Adventurer or Adventureuse. Tharas and Ladykiller have joined the Traders Guild. Plantking has made it to Merchant. Wildstar solved the fiendish GM puzzle, then went on to become an Explorer. Mosquito advanced her planet, Kama, becoming an Industrialist then a Technocrat. Skurge pushed Vannitel up a level to leisure, becoming a Baron. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Lyrynna, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912. **>> BULLETIN ENDS