**>> SPYNET BULLETIN
 **>> EARTHDATE 95.09.24
 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE

 **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids
 **>> <SEND HAZED> your news and gossip and get paid good groats!


 **>> APOLOGIES FOR THE OUTAGE

We're very sorry that Fed was unavailable last night. This was due to 
a problem with the routing program that links the game to the Host 
systems.

Particular apologies go to Trafalgar and Kirchansky, who were 
scheduled to get married last night.


 **>> LINKING IN NEW PLANETS

The TechDroid is working on the code to let Explorers link their new 
planets into the game, and we hope it will be in next week sometime... 
but it's proving more complex than anticipated, so it may take a 
little longer. Keep an eye on bar board: we'll post a message there 
telling you when you can bring your planets into the game.


 **>> CHANGE TO MONEY TRANSFERS

The new code that went in last week allowed planet-owners to promote 
their planets on the fly, whenever they chose, without having to wait for 
a reset for the advancement to take effect. A few days later, someone 
showed up an unexpected side-effect... by promoting their planet through 
three levels instantly! This is not what we intended.

In order to make sure that planets can only promote on their own merit, 
and not by a large injection of cash from elsewhere, planet-owners can no 
longer transfer money from their personal balance into the planet - after 
all, a planet is supposed to a profitable enterprise, making money for 
the owner, and shouldn't need subsidies!

In order to provide start-up capital for a new planet, when an Explorer 
requests that a new planet is linked in, the game will sell their 
factories and warehouses, flog any goods in the warehouses, liquidate the 
company, and put the resulting proceeds into the treasury of the new 
planet. It's therefore up to the new PO to decide how much money they 
wish their planet to start out with, and have that amount of money in the 
company.

Explorers who have sold their companies in anticipation of their planets 
linking should now buy a new company and issue enough shares to provide 
the start-up capital for their planets.


 **>> PEACE IN OUR TIME

The Galactic Administration has outlawed violence on the main trading 
routes, and to ensure your safety it has decreed that all Interstellar 
Link and Planetary Orbit locations will be peace locations. The game will 
automatically put a Peace flag on these two locations, so no-one has to 
go and make any changes in the Workbench.

There is, of course, an exception to this... Arena Space is still 
dangerous everywhere, since no-one wants to visit StarBase1 in order to 
tell Ming he has to restrain his forces!


 **>> SOL FACTORIES TO BE CONFISCATED

Ever since player-planets went into the game, many years ago, there's 
been a ban on building factories in the Solar System. But recently, 
the Galactic Administration's economic enforcers have been lax and,in 
error, they allowed some factories to be built.

The offending officials have been sacked and replaced by new enforcers 
who are much more vigilant! They've made sure no-one can build any new 
factories in Sol, and soon they will turn their attention to existing 
factories that should never have been built, and will confiscate them 
with no compensation to the owners.

So you have been warned... if you have any factories in Sol, sell them 
now before you lose them!


 **>> OVERFLOWING STOCKS

Planet-owners were shocked last week to find that their stocks of 
commodities were getting larger and larger, threatening to overflow 
the storage system and flood all the markets! Reports were coming in 
of Cove's population drowning in soya, while the streets of Jinx were 
slick with lubs. Manufacturing plants on Forest wouldn't stop churning 
out droids, which formed ranks and started marching down the streets 
terrorising the natives.

Galactic Administration officials moved swiftly to set up a committee 
to look into the problem and report back in six months with 
recommendations for action. Meanwhile, disgruntled planet-owners, who 
weren't prepared to wait that long for action, enlisted the help of 
Pegasus the Wonder Horse, well-known terrorist programmer. He hacked 
into the Galactic Administration's stock control computers and fixed 
the error they had made in their accounting procedures.

The universe can now sleep safe in its bed, knowing that planets will 
stop producing goods when their stocks get too big.


 **>> GET DRUNK WITH GRANNIE!

Join Fed's favorite wrinkly tonight as Grannie takes you on a tour 
round her favorite bars and pubs in all kinds of unusual places! Watch 
the old lady knock back gallons of liquor, until finally she falls off 
her rocking chair in a drunken stupor!

The pub crawl starts at 9.00pm eastern in CDs. Who knows where it will 
end up?


 **>> TRIVIA TRIVIA TRIVIA... 

It's trivia time in Fed again next Sunday! This is your chance to 
demonstrate your knowledge of all things Fed-related, as our Trivia 
Maitreuse taxes your brain and teases out those obscure little 
factoids.

So if you need a break from hauling cargo, or trading on the exchanges 
or managing the economy of a planet, join Game Hostess Lyrynna. 
There's groats for the winners, as well as the opportunity to impress 
your friends with your knowledge of the obscure.

Join us on Sunday, October 1st, at 9.00pm eastern, in Chez Diesel, the 
Social Center of the Solar System, for Fed Trivia!


 **>> EXPLODING PLANET

Following our report a few weeks ago about the imminent explosion of 
the planet Tisnar, we received the following note from Kainaw:

"I just wanted to note that Tisnar has finally exploded. I guess the
renumbering was just too much for it. I'm not too worried, the
exploration/evacuation ship was finished just in time. There is one
problem though. I had to get a cheap navigation computer, so I got
one (I won't name names) from someone dirt cheap. It's from about
2001 and has the name HAL on it. For some reason, our navigation
specialist was poisoned and now the ship is heading into the late
Tisnar's sun. Maybe things aren't as good as they could be. If anyone
can get the ship back on a good course I'd be glad to pay (the FIRST
one to do so) a whopping 100 meg."

It looks like a hero is needed! Any volunteers?


 **>> A VERY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

A gala celebration commemorating the first anniversary of Duke 
Budwarp's and Baroness Dierdre's wedding was held last Sunday eve. 
After passing through the well-known Admiral Bimbo's Inn, guests 
proceeded upstairs for the festivities... unless they were teleporting 
types, of course. The 'porting party-ers were treated to a small 
detour through a charming crater, chased with a trip through Budwarp's 
Infirmary. (Should we presume the insurance fees went to pay the 
musicians and party decor?)

Once (finally) inside, guests passed beneath a large banner 
proclaiming 'Happy Anniversary, Budwarp and Dierdre!!' An orchestra 
serenaded the party with vintage earth tunes from the ancient past. A 
bountiful repast was served as well as a wide variety of beverages and 
liquors.

The guest list included a sampling from every strata of Fed's 
denizens, from captains to those curious although unquantified beings 
known as Game Hosts. Numbered among the company were Chironess, 
Wildstar, Kain, Skyslyder, Porcupine, Oxcart, Diesel, Zaknafein, 
Pegasus, Bubba, Kirchansky, Barberousse, Big, Trafalgar, Magneto, 
Ramius, Scrooge and Tellurian. Lord Instill was seen leaving the party 
as this newsdroid crawled out of the crater, so one can only assume 
he'd already had to much to drink and had to depart early. 
Additionally, although Baron Wildstar had fore-sightedly taken the 
precaution of bringing chocolate sauce along in case of infestation, 
the imp Syfari managed to sneak in and immediately began to cause 
mayhem by running beneath the feet of a waitdroid carrying a tray 
loaded with drinks.

Past the banner, guests found themselves in an elegant room full of 
intimate, candle-lit tables and fragrant roses. Not surprisingly, the 
color scheme was yellow and white accented with a vibrant red. The 
hostess looked as ravishing as she did the day she was wed, wearing a 
backless azure chiffon gown, Epini pearls round her neck and a white 
rose coronet in her auburn hair. Her escort, the Duke looked quite the 
gentleman as well, in his formal white, Ducal uniform and a yellow 
sash across his chest. The famous Epini Duchy medallion (rumored to 
have cost the entire Duchy's treasury of 49 gigs) hung on the Duke's 
chest, shining brightly in the soft candlelight. It was obvious that 
Duke Budwarp's striking blue eyes were captured by Dierdre alone! 
(...at least as long as they stayed blue, before turning red from all 
the Epini rum he imbibed.)

The festivities got off to a brisk start, with guests offering the 
pair gifts of the paper variety, traditional for first anniversaries. 
Among these were a piece of paper with some code written on it, the 
share and wall-paper from the mansion in a Laura Ashley pattern. 
Budwarp was heard to mention in a low tone that he hoped to find the 
code to be that which would restore his treasury to him. Although 
Diesel attended the fete on the arm of Skyslyder, Magneto offered her 
as his gift to Budwarp and Dierdre. Shortly thereafter, Skyslyder and 
Diesel were seen to leave the party, after which Skyslyder returned 
alone. One can only imagine what kind of reception Skyslyder will get 
next time he fancies a visit to CD's.

At this point, the imp Syfari scrambled up the venerable Senator 
Barberousse (obviously not accustomed to respecting celebrities) and 
disappeared into that gentleman's beard. He was able to rout her by 
probing the beard. However, although fleeing from the beard with a 
shriek, she then commenced to perch on his head where she sat and eyed 
the drink trays passing beneath her. It wasn't too long before the 
little trouble-maker took a flying leap at one of the trays, but 
missed and fell to the floor. The patiently suffering though 
diplomatic Senator was seen to give a sigh of relief.

Budwarp bade all raise glasses for a toast to the couple's friends and 
family, and thanked all present for joining in the happy celebration 
of their union. The company raised glasses, tankards, cups, and yes... 
even a thimble or two. This was all well and good until Barberousse 
poked the heretofore quiescent Oxcart, whereupon he raised his arms. 
As the guests retreated, choking, Wildstar exclaimed, 'Gods Ox, DON'T 
do that!' Barberousse promptly proposed, 'Oh! A bath for Ox please!'

Duke Budwarp immediately signaled the butler to bring a bath in. 
Wildstar, who had been holding the pesky Syfari (God knows why), 
placed the imp in Dierdre's hair and went to help retrieve a rather 
large box which they placed before the Senator. As Syfari began to 
gleefully pull apart Dierdre's elegant coif, Barberousse opened the 
box to reveal an inflatable bath tub.

The Horse Attending, Pegasus, quizzed Oxcart, 'What time of the year 
is bath time, Ox?' Oxcart replied, saying "Missed it. It was last 
month.' 

While tub inflation was executed, Trafalgar and Kirchansky entertained 
the revelers with a tango out on the dance floor. A short time later, 
they were seen sneaking away from the party arm in arm. The dancers 
gone, Senator Tellurian seized center stage with a lively discourse on 
the mysterious disappearance of System names from Fed Dataspace. 
Unfortunately, it was soon apparent The Horse Attending was too 
inebriated to participate in the discussion, so it trailed off.

By this time, the tub was being filled with the famous Epini Rum, so 
attention focused there. As the tub neared capacity, Magneto suffered 
a sudden urge to art direct and began to place all the candles around 
the tub, providing a striking backdrop. Unfortunately, in the process, 
he managed to fall in, quickly sinking to the bottom of the tub like a 
stone.

Oxcart, standing quietly and watching the preparations, now piped up, 
asking 'Are we supposed to swim in that?'

'No Ox,' Dierdre smiled. 'You bath in it.' As Oxcart pouted, Bubba was 
heard to protest, 'That's alcohol abuse!'

Skyslyder was, by this time, employing a grappling hook in an attempt 
to snag and retrieve Magneto as Dierdre peered into the murky depths 
for a sign of him. Bubbles were finally noticed in a far corner.

'There he is Sky,' she called out.

'Aha...' exclaimed the laboring Skyslyder. 'Got him!'

At this point, apropos of nothing, Chironess who was standing quietly 
in the back in close conversation with Senator Tellurian, was heard to 
profess, 'I am pure!' Dierdre was startled by this, not previously 
aware that 'pure' was a command in Fed.

As Skyslyder heaved and hauled on the grappling hook, it gradually 
became obvious Magneto was not to be retrieved. So, Oxcart was finally 
pushed to the edge of the tub, where he gingerly stuck in one toe and 
pronounced it to be 'Too cold!' Seeing he wasn't to be allowed to 
escape the process, the shivering Baron donned his asbestos underwear 
and proceeded to immerse himself. The ensuing waves managed to finally 
dislodge Magneto from the tub's bottom and deposit him ashore. 
Liberated from the waters, Mags immediately set about chasing down the 
imp, Syfari, muttering something about 'Syfari on a stick'. Presumably 
all the rum had whetted his appetite. Dierdre tsked in sympathy as 
Magneto chased the fleeing half-pint through the crowd, calling out 'I 
like 'em gooey in the middle.' It was suddenly clear why he had 
amassed all the candlesticks earlier.

As Oxcart lowered himself into the tub, Trafalgar tossed in the 
electrical cables. with perfect timing, Budwarp pushed a button on the 
wall and 365 balloons drifted down from the ceiling as sparks and 
fizzles arose from the over-flowing tub.

The audience ooh'd and aaah'd appropriately. Budwarp tossed a rubber 
ducky (or was that a rubber duchy?) into the roiling rum as Oxcart 
flailed about the tub and watched balloons pop as they touched his 
bath water. Deciding he was clean enough by then, Oxcart climbed out, 
wrapped a white and yellow striped towel round his head and donned a 
robe. He was later seen standing beside Bud and Dee in this attire, 
bidding guests adieu as they departed. It could be noticed by that 
time however, that he was suffering a strange case of itchiness.

The imp managed to escape Magneto's pursuit by taking another of her 
flying leaps, again bound for Barberousse's beard where she hung 
dangling. As the wincing Senator attempted to extricate the struggling 
Syfari, Dierdre commented, 'I think she has a future with the 
circus...'

People began to wade out of the room, with many warm well-wishes to 
Bud and Dierdre. Skyslyder called the waste-management department to 
set up a safe dumping site for the rum remaining in the tub lest the 
EPA have words with Budwarp and Dierdre. And a good time was 
undoubtedly had by all... well, most everyone!


**>> AT A FEDERATION WEDDING

Little acts of kindness, little words of love... make our earthly home 
like heaven above. Which of us is not touched and rendered happier by 
witnessing the sacred union of two of our friends? This newsdroid was 
given a happy ride to the fabled Horsell two weeks ago to attend the 
wedding of Baron Oxcart and his blushing consort, the Duchesse Aja...

The demi-goddess Hazed is here
Pegasus is here
Holding black roses and a dagger, Mosquito is here
Her feet propped up, Talisan is here

>Tying the noose...erm, the KNOT, Aja has entered the room.

>Aja notices she has a noose in her hand and blushes.

>Aja exclaims, 'Oh my! Not quite appropriate!'

>'I told you, tying the knot... slipping the noose...same thing,' says 
Mosquito.

>Hazed asks, 'Where is this wedding being held, then?'

>'Aren't we going to Horsell?' says Aja.

>'Horsell? But what about the Martians?' asks Hazed.

>Hazed looks worried.

>'We'll just have to save them a piece of cake and apologize for their 
lost invitation, Hazed,' says Mosquito.

>Preparing for the ball and chain, Oxcart has just arrived.

>ex Oxcart
Oxcart is wearing a billowy shirt of blood-red silk, open halfway to 
the waist and a pair of black leather chaps worn over Michey Mouse 
boxers.

>'Oh, how fetching!' says Hazed.

>'So you want this wedding back in time, do you?' asks Hazed.

>'Certainly,' says Oxcart.

>Dierdre and Budwarp have just arrived.

>'Evening all!' says Budwarp and Dierdre.

>Mosquito drags Budwarp off into a corner and whispers to him, 
pointing at Oxcart.

>Dierdre has given Talisan a tender hug.

>Emperor Occy has just appeared.

>Oxcart has given Occy a friendly grope.

>Hazed asks, 'Is everyone ready, or are we still waiting for someone?'

>Aja exclaims, 'This seems like an intimate group!'

>Talisan eyes Oxcart and nods.

>Dierdre knows she and Bud... oh, never mind.

>Hazed says, 'Okay, fasten your seat belts.'

>'Please extinguish all cigarettes,' says Hazed.

>Mosquito closes her eyes and taps her heels together three times. 
'There's no place like home...'

>Budwarp lights up a cigar.

>Your comms unit crackles with a message from Pegasus, 'Will the 
wedding be next to the magnificent organ?'

>Talisan lights the lemming.

>Hazed watches the lemming choking to death.

>Your comms unit crackles with a message from Dierdre, 'Pegs, Ox is 
going already!'

>Mosquito peeks in Dierdre's ear, 'Yup...there it is.'

>Oxcart begins to hyperventilate.

>Mosquito hands Oxcart a paper bag.

>Talisan slips her hand into Ox's Mickey boxers. 'Calm down, dear.'

>Aja thwops Tal!

>Hazed revs up her time machine.

>There is a build up of time tension in your area... and...
The tension is suddenly released and you are catapulted through 
time...
Downs
  You are standing on rolling green downs that recede into the 
distance. The air is clear and there's no trace of industrial 
pollution. To the north is a small copse, and the spire of a church 
rises from beyond it, while to the west is a road. As you look round 
there is a green flash in the sky and a loud explosion.

>Dierdre hollers! 'Yea!'

>Talisan clings to Oxcart.

>Hazed says, 'Right! Those that don't know the way, follow me and we 
shall process to the Church.'

>With a shotgun to Oxcart's back, Budwarp has just followed Hazed west 
with everyone trailing along after him.

>Your comms unit crackles with a message from Aja, 'I'm lost!'

>Your comms unit crackles with a message from Hazed, 'A likely story!'

>Your comms unit crackles with a message from Hazed, 'Someone go 
rescue the bride.'

>e
Church Nave
  You are standing in the nave of the church. The main body of the 
church lies to your west, and to the north a flight of steps leads up 
to the organ loft. The church has a magnificcent organ, far larger 
than you would expect.
Preparing for the ball and chain, Oxcart is here
Dierdre is here
Her feet propped up, Talisan is here
The X-Imperial Porcupine is here
Emperor Occy is here
With a shotgun to oxcart's back, Budwarp is here
The demi-Goddess Hazed is here
Pegasus is here
Holding black roses and a dagger, Mosquito is here

>Carrying flowers and her whip, Aja has entered the room.

>Budwarp says, 'maybe she decided... nah'

>Hazed exclaims, 'Ah, here she is!'

>'Right, is everyone ready?' asks Hazed.

>Aja glares at Tal.

>Aja snarls, 'You will >not< marry him Tal!'

>'Who's performing the act?' asks Dierdre.

>'We did last night, Dee', says Talisan.

>'Oxcart generally performs the act, doesn't he?' asks Hazed.

>'What act?' asks Oxcart.

>'Are we supposed to perform?' asks Oxcart.

>'Oh, you mean who's going to officiate... I am,' says Hazed.

>Hazed looks stern and authoritative.

>'Which one is he marrying?' asks Dierdre.

>'Me!' exclaims Talisan.

>'No ME!' exclaims Aja.

>Aja elbows Talisan out of the way.

>Oxcart shrieks and moves away from Talisan.

>Hazed looks between Talisan and Aja. 'Ladies, I suggest you sort this 
out before I start the ceremony.'

>Oxcart stands next to his beloved Aja, all prim and proper.

>Dierdre smiles sweetly and says, 'Ox, you could marry the top half of
Talisan and the rest of Aja...'

>Aja smiles snidely at Tal and takes Ox's arm.

>Budwarp is confused... as usual.

>'No fair! He'd get more of Aja with her big butt!' exclaims Talisan.

>Dierdre eyes Talisan's assets and isn't so sure of that.

>Hazed asks, 'Shall we start?'

>Oxcart has already started, but that's another story.

>Occy stands on Oxcart.

>Aja turns around and swats Talisan.

>Hazed clears her throat and then calls for some hush.

>Budwarp hands Hazed a bowl of hush.

>Talisan clears Ox's throat for him by suction

>Mosquito pulls Talisan by the hair and pushes her into a seat.

>'Dearly befuddled, we are gathered here today to witness the joining 
in matrimony of these two young people,' says Hazed.

>Dierdre grabs a handful of hush to throw at the happy couple.

>Oxcart takes a moment to lick the shotgun.

>Dierdre points out that that is the organ he's licking.

>Aja thought only dogs did that.

>Aja elbows Ox.

>Hazed says, 'The lovely Aja, young, nubile, attractive, sexy, 
beautiful, gorgeous, luscious, a tasty morsel...'

>Hazed says, 'And the slightly unpleasant Oxcart.'

>'That's it? "Slightly unpleasant"?' asks Oxcart.

>Oxcart pouts.

>'You want me to go on, Oxcart?' asks Hazed.

>Hazed says, 'Okay then... the slightly unpleasant Oxcart, filthy,
degenerate, untalented, greasy, incapable, unhygienic and 
untrustworthy.'

>Hazed asks, 'Happy now?'

>Oxcart nods happily.

>'Would you both please step forward...' says Hazed.

>Talisan steps forward with Ox.

>Aja elbows Tal out of the way and steps up.

>Oxcart steps forward and smiles angelically.

>Mosquito steps on Tal's inset and whispers, 'Behave!'

>Talisan whispers, 'Threesome' to Ox.

>Aja glares at Talisan.

>Oxcart wipes his forehead.

>Talisan sits down in a pew, doing her best Sharon Stone imitation

>Oxcart wonders how that squirrel got in here.

>Dierdre covers Bud's eyes.

>Budwarp peeks from between Dierdre's fingers.

>Oxcart has a sudden, overwhelming urge to touch himself, but it soon
passes.

>Occy holds up Reggie.

>Hazed says, 'Marriage is a serious understaking, and should not be 
entered into lightly.'

>Mosquito thinks Hazed has the wrong ceremony, considering the groom.

>Dierdre distinctly heard Hazed say 'undertaking'

>Occy is going to go see if the herst is out front yet.

>Hazed says, 'You are both taking on serious responsibilities for the
health, wealth and happiness of each other.'

>'We are?' asks Oxcart.

>Aja blanches.

>Hazed says, 'Oxcart, you must understand that what is yours now 
belongs to Aja too. And Aja, what is Oxcart's now belongs to you, 
too.'

>Oxcart asks, 'I have to give up my kitchen utensils?'

>Occy says, 'Only spoons Oxcart.'

>Mosquito adds, 'No, keep the egg beaters Ox.'

>Dierdre says, 'But you have to give up the spatulas.'

>Budwarp wonders how egg beaters got into the wedding ceremony.

>Aja looks worriedly at Talisan.

>Talisan looks back at Aja and makes a cutting motion across her neck.

>'I do,' says Oxcart.

>'I shall continue,' says Hazed.

>Budwarp checks his book of ceremonies for eggbeaters.

>Aja scowls and whispers back to Talisan, 'But you're ALREADY 
married!'

>Pegasus has given Porcupine a nice grope.

>Oxcart exclaims, 'No sex in church!'

>'Now we come to the part where I ask if there are any objections to 
this marriage,' says Hazed.

>Mosquito muzzles Talisan.

>'I do,' says Oxcart.

>Hazed asks, 'Does anyone have any reason, serious or completely 
trivial, why this wedding should not proceed?'

>Aja holds her breath.

>Talisan nods to Tal.

>Talisan nods back.

>Talisan stands. 'We do.'

>Hazed asks, 'Any tiniest, littlest objections?'

>Aja whimpers.

>'Perhaps the merest shred of doubt in your mind?' asks Hazed.

>Hazed says, 'Don't be shy, speak up now.'

>"I'm sure there must be a reason,' says Dierdre.

>Oxcart asks, 'What was the question?'

>Dierdre asks, 'Ox, have you had your shots yet?'

>Hazed asks, 'Can no-one think of a reason to stop this ceremony going
ahead?'

>Aja sneaks a peek at Tal

>Pegasus asks, 'Can I object on principle?'

>Dierdre makes sure Skeets has a good hold on Tal's mouth.

>'No Pegasus. You have no principles. Everyone knows that,' says 
Hazed.

>'No, you have no principles,' says Oxcart.

>Mosquito asks, 'Do you have a principle, Pegs?'

>Pegasus sighs and says, 'Yeah okay, form an orderly queue...'

>Talisan clears her throats. 'Aja is not fit to be married.'

>Aja gasps.

>Hazed asks, 'Aja is ill? Oh dear. What's wrong with her?'

>Mosquito looks so astonished, she lets go of Talisan.

>Aja whirls and glares at Talisan.

>Hazed takes Aja's temperature.

>Hazed examines the thermometer. 'Looks ok to me!'

>Talisan looks at Aja. 'You tell them, or I will.'

>Oxcart gives Talisan a butterfly net to occupy her.

>Aja swallows, not sure just what she should tell.

>Porcupine :X

>Aja winces and waits for the comments.

>Porcupine bites her tongue. Hard.

>Aja reaches over and pokes Porcupine.

>'Yes, we're both fit,' says Oxcart.

>'I think,' says Oxcart.

>Hazes says, 'In that case, I shall proceed.'

>'I do,' says Oxcart.

>Hazed says, 'Unless I can think of an objection myself, of course.'

>Hazed thinks hard.

>Hazed scratches her head.

>Hazed says, 'Hmmmmm......................'

>Hazed congitates.

>Oxcart reminds Hazed of her fee for the ceremony...

>Occy scratches his loin

>Talisan takes out a knife.

>Aja whispers to Skeets, 'Tie her hands, will ya?'

>Oxcart smiles sweetly

>Hazed says, 'Ah right. Erm, in that case, let's continue.'

>Mosquito takes out a long rope and hogties Talisan

>'Aja do you take this... erm... "man", Oxcart, to be your lawful 
wedded husband, in sickness (and boy is he sick!) and in health, until 
you get fed up with him?' asks Hazed.

>Oxcart leers

>'This is where you say "I do",' adds Hazed.

>Aja exclaims, 'Oh... Yes! Ermmm....right!'

>Budwarp pokes Oxcart with the shotgun

>'I do,' says Oxcart.

>Aja exclaims, 'I mean I DO!'

>'Good,' says Hazed.

>Hazed turns to Oxcart.

>Talisan waggles her butt for Ox

>Aja glances back at Tal, a worried look on her face.

>Oxcart takes out a hanky and wipes his armpits

>Mosquito glances down at Tal's obvious feminine anatomy and looks for 
a blanket.

>Dierdre hands Skeets the altar cloth

>Talisan squirms outta the ropes faster than Oxcart will be looking 
for an anullment.

>Hazed askes, 'Oxcart, do you take this wonderful woman Aja to be your
awful wedded wife, do you promise to love, honor, cherish, obey and 
abase yourself before her, as long as you live, until dead-death you 
shall part?'

>Hazed holds the cue card up for Oxcart.

>Aja likes that vow!

>Oxcart reads slowly and tries to comprehend.

>Dierdre pokes Ox.

>Budwarp prods Ox again

>'Um.. Yep!' exclaims Oxcart.

>'I shore do!' exclaims Oxcart.

>'Ox, say I DO,' says Hazed.

>Oxcart says, 'I DO'

>'I thought we did this bit,' says Oxcart.

>Mosquito wonders about 'awful wedded' then decides it fits.

>Aja grins, but still worries about Tal.

>'Do you have rings to exchange?' asks Hazed.

>Oxcart removes one of his nipple rings.

>Aja searches her tiny dress for a ring.

>Tal whispers mournfully, 'Don't worry about me. <sniff> Nobody will 
miss me when I'm gone.'

>Hazed says, 'Oxcart, place the ring around Aja's finger, and say the
words: with this ring, I thee wed.'

>Budwarp asks, 'exchanging nipple rings?'

>Aja extends her hand

>Dierdre passes a handfull of gold rings to Aja

>Oxcart breathes on his ring and polishes it up before turning to Aja

>Oxcart says, 'With this ring, I thee wed.'

>Porcupine just feels prickly all over with excitement.

>Aja smiles up at Oxcart

>Oxcart pants

>Hazed says, 'Aja, take the ring and place it on whatever part of 
Oxcart's anatomy seems suitable, and say the words: with this ring, I 
thee subjugate.'

>Mosquito watches Talisan warily

>Aja smiles in a controling way and takes a ring in her hand

>Aja eyes Oxcart

>Occy eyes Oxcart

>Aja murmurs, 'Hmmmm....'

>'Is this the part where I git nekkid?' asks Oxcart.

>Oxcart adds, 'I forget.'

>'Not yet!' exclaims Dierdre, obviously aghast at the mere thought of 
that.

>Aja finally takes Ox's hand and slips the ring on his finger. 'With 
this ring, I thee subjugate.'

>Hazed intones a final prayer, 'Forasmuch and heretoforth and 
insomuch, nevertheless in the final instance hereunder and thereover, 
in the name of the Holy Groat...'

>Oxcart feels weak

>Budwarp nods his head in prayer

>'I thought it was the Holy Goat...' whispers Dierdre.

>Hazed says, 'I now pronounce you Man and Wife. You may kiss each 
other.'

>Occy has given Hazed a tender kiss!

>Oxcart swoons.

>Hazed adds, 'And everyone else may kiss whoever they want too.'

>Oxcart takes Aja in his arms and kisses away.

>Hazed says, 'Pegs, please pump up your massive swelling organ.'

>Aja laughs merrily and snogs Hazed.

>Mosquito pours a bucket of something on Oxcart.

>Oxcart comes to and says, 'I do.'

>Aja exclaims, 'Honey bunch, you're already done.'

>Oxcart asks, 'Already?'

>Oxcart looks down.

>'Gee, I didn't even feel it,' says Oxcart.

>Oxcart pouts.

>Hazed has given Oxcart a friendly snog!

>Hazed rinses out her mouth with the communion wine.

>Occy gives Hazed some Black Flag to chase it with

>Dierdre remembers the hush and throws it at the happy couple

>Hazed gets out a bottle of champagne and shakes it up, then sprays it 
all over the newly weds.


And so ends another chapter in Fed's touching and beautifully 
sentimental vows of marriage. And to finish it...

>Aja waves merrily to all and, yes... she tosses her whip!


**>> GOSSIP, SCANDAL AND LIES

An indignant Mara protested her innocence to Devon in the Ritz earlier 
this week in response to a story printed last Sunday. She proclaimed 
in no uncertain terms (... no money down; no payments for six 
months...) that the upstart Admiral was not her type and she didn't 
even know him. Quick to believe his lady love (and even quicker to 
jump to conclusions) Devon decided that Admiral had concocted the tale 
for the News (as if we would *freely* print unsubstantiated rumours... 
they're quite expensive I can tell you) and has sworn to defend his 
lady's honor as soon as he catches Admiral.

The banshee's melancholy keening attracted this newsdroid to Tanarith 
this weekend. All seems fairly normal near the landing pad but step to 
the west and you'll see the destruction that has recently been wrought 
by the vile Balor... milk cartons strewn across the Dairy, the 
buildings razed to the ground. The loss of life was fortunately 
confined to the family photographer and numerous cows, as Mara had 
recently dismissed all the milkmaids. This latest assault on the Skye 
clan has not deterred Devon and Mara from proceeding with their 
marriage plans. They intend to wed in early October. Devon is working 
to provide security for the wedding.


 **>> SPYNET REVIEW

Alas, poor GM Finn... he snuffed it in the waters of Surf. RIP.

Congratulations to everyone who promoted during the week. The new 
Captains were Bye, Lorelei, Kain, Floxin, Glinda, Capt, Arachnia and 
Zedd.

Glinda, Apocalypse, Flick and Zedd made it to Adventurer or 
Adventureuse.

Briarrose and Amano have joined the Traders Guild. They both went on 
to become Merchants fairly rapidly.

Ukla advanced his planet Snafu to leisure level, and became a Baron.

Ramius was demoted to Duke... he decided to go back in rank to run a 
duchy again. Welcome back to the duchy of Ausland!

Finally, Budwarp has played 1000 games!!


 **>> CONTACTS

The following information will appear at the end of every News 
Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it.

The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Lyrynna, 
Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their 
function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and 
make fun things happen.

In the event of a problem or question, you can:

 * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game

 * <SEND> a message to Hazed

 * send mail on your host system to the Federation team:
   on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page
   on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page
   on Cris, mail FEDERATION2

You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation 
for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu 
page. On Delphi and Cris, send a check for $15.95 to: Leah Parker, 
4543 La Crescenta Avenue, La Crescenta, CA 91214-2912.

 **>> BULLETIN ENDS