**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.01.07 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> MINI-PLANETS The TechDroid is back from its winter break, and has thrown itself straight back into its work with a clang. The main thing it will be working on is mini-planets, which will go into the game next Monday. For those who haven't been reading previous news bulletins, what this means is that Explorers will purchase a ready-made planet from Slarti's Planet Shop, and can choose to put the planet into the game as it is, to make minor modifications, or to delete the mini-planet and start again from scratch. There are six mini-planets to choose from: Rock - most of the facilities are underground. A deep cave system leads explorers into the dark depths of the planet. Fire - A very, very hot world with geysers, boiling rivers, and a volcano that the brave can explore. Water - A beautiful balmy planet with perfect weather, golden beaches, rolling waves, rocky coves... lovely! Ice - A frozen world, but very beautiful, with glaciers and icicles and giant ice caverns. Space - A remote automated space station providing everything travelers could need. Candy - An edible planet! Not for those on a diet, this world is made out of chocolate, gingerbread, cookies and other delicacies. These mini-planets each have ten locations. They provide all the services necessary on a planet. They don't have any objects or mobiles, and there are no events or puzzles. Later in the week, Hazed will upload the files for each of the planets to the library, so prospective purchasers can choose which one they want. Further mini- planets will be added later. **>> RECAP ON HOW TO BUY A PLANET So, Explorer Newbod here is what you have to do now when you want to purchase your new planet. First, you gather up all the commodities required to build your Interstellar Link, and put them into your warehouses. tells you what raw materials are required. It doesn't matter where your warehouses are, because Slarti's will provide transportation, but Titan would be preferable because that's where Slarti's do the work, so you won't have to pay for transportation. You will have to pay some haulage fees, because you won't get all the goods into one warehouse. You also have to get yourself a permit before you can be put in charge of something as powerful as a planet. We will leave you to work out for yourself just how to get a permit! Buying the planet and building the link costs a lot of groats, cash with order, so you need to have enough money in your balance. 115 megagroats, to be exact! When you have all your goods, and your permit, and the necessary payment, you can go to Slarti's and order your planet. The command is where "mini-name" is the catalog name of the mini-planets available, and "planetname" is what you want the world to be called. on its own will list the names of the available mini-planets. If you don't have a permit, or you don't have enough money, or you don't have the right commodities in your warehouse, Slarti's will turn you away with a sneer. Assuming everything was in order, the goods will be taken from your warehouses. If you have one on Titan, Slarti's will look there first, and then they will search the warehouses in order (type to see the order). There's no transportation costs for goods in the Titan warehouse; for other goods, the cost is random; and if the goods come from outside the Solar System then customs duty is applicable. Assuming all goes well, the link build will start. You can check the progress of the build by typing . The build will take two hours of online time. If you log off, the building stops; when you log back on, it starts again automatically. While the building is in progress, you can go into the workbench if you wish to make changes to your planet. However, time in the workbench does not count towards the build time. You can, if you wish, delete the entire mini-planet and design something new from scratch. Use the "Delete" option in the workbench to clear the locations (yes, this will be working again). Or, you can amend the mini-planet slightly to add your personal touch. Or you can leave it exactly as it is with no changes. Once the build is complete, you can bring your planet online by typing . However, you will need to run the planet files through the checker even if you make no changes at all. **>> MORE NEW GOODIES As well as mini-planets, there will be some odds and ends going in at the same time, including the following: Tourist time on player-planets will at last have a monetary value. Every Galactic Midnight, the planet that has the most tourist time on the clock will be awarded a special tourist bonus of 15 meg by the Galactic Administration, and all minutes will be zeroed. Negative rewards on mobiles will come out of the planet treasury at the time that they are placed (i.e. when the mobile is killed). When you kill another player, you will collect the reward on their head. However, before this goes in all existing player bounties will be zeroed. **>> SUITS OF ARMOUR - OR IRON TOUGH LAW SUITS? Last week Budwarp and Dierdre protested that their wedding was truly lawful in every legal sense. The poor newsdroid that dared to mention otherwise was executed. Services for this droid were conducted on the already crowded heap on Castillo. It was mentioned that the esteemed Godfather was entering in on the lawsuit now being inflicted on the Federation News. When asked his views, the Godfather promptly answered, "No Comment." When Newsdroids asked Budwarp his angle on the suit, he replied, "No Comment." Before a question could even be posed to the luscious Brandy, the words that slipped through her moistened lips were, "No Comment." Gigs are said to be going into this suit. This is deemed astounding since Budwarp is supposed to be using those gigs on purchasing a teleporter for Apocalypse. What also makes this suit most extraordinary, is the fact that someone is pursuing this suit on what they deem is a fabrication. H-by-A firmly stands on the grounds that fabrications have =never= been published on its product! **>> CONTINUATION OF WRONGFUL RATINGS After Admiral stated "Sex is over-rated!", the Russian Judges have been replaced. It would seem that the new rating board of Russian Judges has failed to rate an incredibly important item in its proper light. This week, Rchael was reported to say, 'I think being smart is overrated.' Newsdroids, besides being interesting in that comment, have been dogging Rchael's footsteps all week. Angry at all this attention, Rchael demanded, 'Honest I didnt do nothin!' That's what we heard! Newsdroids are still tagging behind her, asking her exactly what she DID do. **>> CUT-THROAT ACTIVITIES Menua is avid, demanding that GroundHogs be sought after and brought back to Stonehenge. He is simply foaming at the mouth. This condition can be explained by the sole fact that Menua has not slit a GroundHog's throat in over a week! Eager to assist his planet owners in any way, Budwarp is reported to have said, 'what about Prime Directive - Everyone has to travel the cyber waves and bring back a few newbods' It is rumoured that should no GroundHogs be found, Menua will be forced to appease the gods by sacrificing Dukes! This could explain Budwarp's eagerness to support his P.O.'s. **>> FROM ASTRIN: "Nothing new to report except I may be interested in an interspecies arrangement. Know anyone who might be interested?" Well, there you have it, ladies! Please take numbers and form an orderly queue! **>> BARNYARD STOMP It is said that Briefcase is the oldest bachelor in Federation DataSpace. This is said without even knowing how old he is! But the real reason why he is still single after these many years has just come out of the closet. Or stall...! Newsdroids just happened to pick up this sole statement from Briefcase this past evening, 'I got an inflatable likeness of one of our Journeywomen at Christmastime. Haven't blown it up yet, out of respect.' This might have been explained by the fact that Briefcase is known to prefer airheads. But the story continues from here when Newsdroids picked up this conversation in CD's between Briefcase and Pegasus: Briefcase says, 'You know me, Pegasus. Gotta get yer goat somehow.' Pegasus smiles, 'The goat I don't mind. Just don't interfere with my sheep' Pegasus exclaims, 'Hey, I need to know if you're going to mess with my farmyard animals!' 'define "mess with" for me, please.', says Briefcase. 'I dunno, you're the one who said you were getting at my goat', says 'Ah. I misspoke, I think.', says Briefcase. 'Goatee. I was gonna get your Goatee.', says Briefcase. Briefcase says, 'Next time, it'll be livestock, Peg. Whenever you're not here, that is.' Briefcase has not always preferred these... elicit... tastes. Recently he was scorned by a member of the fair sex. This refusal from Lorelei has sent Briefcase's appetites over the fence! He was heard muttering that Lorelei simply chose someone else. Newsdroids did not have to wait long to find out just who that someone else was. Not five minutes later, Starstruck walked in sporting a new, brilliant smile. Yes, it's obvious now who Lorelei chose! **>> PRIVILEGES FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR??? Reportedly, Duke Chance has been overheard saying, 'This has to be between you and me. If Shandi finds out, she'll take away my brain privileges.' Our sources tell us this is happening with alarming frequency. We can only guess what turmoil will befall Chaos should Shandi make good on her threat. One totally unsubstantiated rumor (Ed. note: read as complete fabrication) is that Shandi plans to seize power by restoring order to Chaos at some future date. We believe it possible that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine if you will a universe where not just one Duke has ceded brain privileges to his betrothed, but consider instead something far more sinister. One of our research droids has come to the conclusion that this is, and has been, a rather common, if secretive, practice in the Senate, quite literally for years, which could quite possibly explain why the actions of more than one senator could be regarded as 'strange.' Were these the actions of a limited intellect, crippled through some arcane rite? What happens when a Duke is recloned while his mind is in the clutches of the Power Behind the Throne? Does even half the Senate retain access to their right minds??? **>> THE WINSLOWIAN HIGH PRIEST SPEAKS OUT While addressing the faithful this week, High Priest Ukla took the opportunity to denounce rumors that he was responsible for the hundreds if not thousands of innocent yaks who had been first gelded and then had to suffer the additional indignity of having their fur removed. Ukla reassured followers of the Winslow everywhere that the gelding and shaving of innocent yaks has never had and will not have a place in the rituals of the worship of the Winslow. Unfortunately, the high priest made this statement while appearing in public in a full length ceremonial robe that was unquestionably woven entirely of absolutely authentic yak hair! When questioned by a newsdroid about the Ukla's most... er... politically incorrect attire, a representative of the high priest stammered and then admitted that the ceremonial robe that Ukla was wearing WAS indeed yak in origin, but hastened to point out that it was entirely 100 percent PURE yak free, and that only those yaks who had been defiled had been used in its construction. This news droid shudders to even consider HOW the pelts of these defiled yaks had been obtained. Reportedly, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Semi-sentient Yaks has several lawsuits pending against Ukla and the Church of the Winslow for wrongful death of the defiled yaks and discrimination against the innocent yaks. **>> AND ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, IF NUPTIAL, NOTE... All of Fed was stunned on Friday, first by the announcement over open comms that the wedding of Scrooge was about to begin, and secondly by the discovery that Scrooge had won not only the heart but the hand of the stunning Goddess. Our news team rushed to the scene to discover the groom, looking very dapper in tails, cape, top hat and cane, awaiting the arrival of his bride. While Sparrowhawk helpfully hummed Here Comes the Bride, Goddess entered the small chapel in the woods, looking absolutely radiant in her Victorian bridal gown and her crown of baby's breath. A quiet and beautiful ceremony joining the two until the universe and the stars themselves no longer existed proceeded without problems, despite Big's earlier split (Reportedly, Dierdre had laid down the law to Big, exclaiming 'Do it outside, so the blood all runs into the ground instead.') and a rather unfortunate comment from Budwarp to Grannie while he was within reach of Grannie's cane during the reception for the happy couple at the Golden Stag Inn. Congratulations to Scrooge and Felicitations to Goddess!!! **>> SPARROWHAWK GETS THE BIRD What's this we hear about Sparrowhawk looking for a mate? Seems he wants to find a chick he can settle down with, he's got that nest- building urge and wants to hatch out some offspring. Let's hope he finds someone who can ruffle his feathers with eggcitement! **>> SPYNET REVIEW Alas, poor Merchant Astromike - the latest to fall foul of the deadly planet Tisnar. RIP! This week's new Captains were Bryan, Bodhi, Ste, Byterunner (back from the dead), Treato, Seamus (twice!), Mikey and Gandalf. Chester and Byterunner were promoted to Adventurer. Tofer proved his economic prowess by becoming a JP. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. **>> BULLETIN ENDS