**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.02.11 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> LITTLE NEW THINGS A couple of so-far unreported things which slipped into the game over the past week or so... Planet owners who want to check the contents of their mega-warehouse no longer have to specify the planet the warehouse lives on. Wherever they happen to be, they just have to type and they will be told about their one and only warehouse. There is a new mobile to be found somewhere in the hospital on Earth. It doesn't move, so it should be easy for you to track down. **>> PAINTING AND DECORATING Diesel is having the builders. Oh sorry, that should say: Diesel is having the builders in to give the old place a lick of paint, rearrange the furniture, and (apparently) install a large fountain in the centre of the bar. Given the frequency with which the patrons imbibe a tad too much intoxicating beverage, we are sure we can expect many a drunken reveller having to be fished out of the fountain by the bouncers! Once they have dealt with Diesel's... erm... needs, the builders will move on to Mercury, where Slarti's intends to have them knock a few walls through to make an even larger workshop area for pieces of planet to be positioned. **>> PLANET DESIGNERS ADVISORY Just a word of advice to those designing planets... Now that you can have 1000 characters in a location description, you need to think about how you can make sure your text remains readable. 1000 characters can take up about 14 lines of text on a normal-sized screen; that's an awful great lump of text, and if you don't break it up somehow it's going to be very hard to read without players going cross-eyed. You really don't want to have more than 4 or 5 lines before you break the text up and start a new paragraph. There surely cannot be any location description that won't have a natural break in it somewhere. Remember that your main purpose in designing a planet is to make it something people are going to enjoy exploring. If they can't make sense of your text because it all comes at them in a big wodge, they may not bother. Another reason not to have 1000 characters all together in one bit paragraph, is that when text is sent to a player by the game, it can't have lines that long. It will put a break in somewhere, probably in the middle of a word. So you should make sure the break goes somewhere logical, rather than where the game HAS to break the text. **>> IF A PICTURE'S WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, HOW MUCH WILL A TYPO COST YOU??? Well, if you are Duke Nightstalker of Nightfall, the answer might be more than you care to part with. It all began when Nightstalker was observed proclaiming over open comms, 'Hello, Love', a few seconds BEFORE his beloved wife, Nocturne, entered Federation Dataspace, and when his wife did appear in space she was informed that Nightstalker had obviously been dallying with someone - the only question was whether is was the Duchesse-Consort of Epini, the druid Menua, or Porcupine. The druid and the duchesse were quickly eliminated, which left only the rodent. Nocturne, however, stated that 'at least she was fond of the rodent' and things didn't seem too bad for Nightstalker, until Nocturne decided to check the prenuptial treaty negogiated before her wedding to Nightstalker to see how much of a monetary penalty he would be assessed for each additional wife that he married. Sources actually at the site on Nightfall report that Duke Nightstalker seemed to show signs of cardiac arrest when he found out that he would have to pay Nocturne 200 gigs if he married again and that the price tripled if the deal included nuptial rights. Nightstalker assured Nocturne that he had merely missed her so much he saw her in Federation even before she arrived. Nocturne reportedly smiled sweetly at Nightstalker and showed him the clause of the prenuptial treaty, assessing him a 1 gig fine for each such typo and handed Porcupine the card of a lawyer specializing in breach of contract. **>> THE DUKE PREDICTS... In a surprizing turn of events this week, Duke Budwarp became the first duke in Federation history to try on the fabled hat of Karnac the Magnificent, recently discovered in an archeological dig in an undisclosed location in the duchy of Nightfall. When Bud donned the hat, rumored to endow the wearer with the ability to foretell the future, he immediately fell into a deep trance. Duke Nightstalker and his wife, both present at the event, failed to notice this trance for a few moments, stating later, 'well, Budwarp actually didn't look much different than usual... other than the hat of course.' Budwarp then reported seeing our universe, a 'very fuzzy' universe, but ours none the less, but with 'much movement' of the planets. When further questioned, he said that he saw many planets leaving a duchy for one in darkness. Unfortunately, the vision was apparently too much for the duke because he pulled the mystical hat from his head and left Federation with all possible speed, leaving this newsdroid to wonder if he will ever be persuaded to don Karnac's hat again or if another duke will have to be recruited to be next week's victi... er lucky receipent. **>> TIEING THE KNOT OR CLAMPING ON THE CHAINS? Starstruck and Lorelei have announced their wedding plans finally! This exciting event will be taking place Monday, February 12 at 10pm EST. It looks to be Valentine's grand victory in Federation this year. Everyone has been invited to this splendid celebration of love that honours this special heart-warming time of year. Congratulations and Felicitations, Starstruck and Lorelei! **>> OURS IS NOT TO REASON WHY, OURS IS BUT TO DO OR DIE Bryan's indefatigable service to Epini didn't end with the caning incident as was posted in last week's news... No, he was not satisfied merely giving up his time and labour to the glory of the duchy he serves! He chose to make the ultimate sacrifice, as this newsdroid reports from inside a hollow oak tree on Stonehenge. The Oak Grove on Stonehenge, where this all took place, has a young oak trees reach high into the sky providing shelter to the open area. A fire burns in a rock lined fire pit. A young female, in training as a healer druid, awaits to serve you food and drink. [Editrix' note: does that make her a WaitDruid?] North a far reaching grassy plain provides forage for the sacred white oxen. An earthen mound is faintly visible in the deeper darker western grove. In this grove stood Cowcupine, Dierdre, and Menua. Menua chanted his litany of blood and sacrifice, 'Kill him!!! Sacrifice him!! Rip his arms off! Poke his eyeballs out!' The now berserk druid whipped out his long-bladed knife and stalked closer to Cowcupine. The air was thick with lust for blood and anticipation, until the spell was shattered by Cowcupines words, 'Stop that.' The drama was saved at this time by the entrance of the afore- mentioned Bryan. He was promptly invited to be the guest of honor and without asking why, he accepted this prestigious place of honour. And THEN he asked why he would be a guest of honor! He was truthfully told that he would be the guest of honor at the sacrifice now pending. At first he refused, but after he thought about it, he asked, 'Wait - if I get sacrificed will you pay me?' At this, Menua replied, 'Bryan that could be arranged! Yes!' Bryan accepted and Menua prepared his knife while an evil smile spread across his features. The lust was clearly marked in his eyes. It was then disclosed that Bryan was still a virgin. Menua seemed especially pleased at this news. And then they went to that most sacred of places... The Altar. Here deep in the ancient oak grove a raised earthen altar has been raised. Rivulets of dried blood cake the sides of the altar and darken the earth at the foot of the altar. A slender knife lays on the altar ready for the next offering to the earth gods. Not a sound could be heard except for Bryan swallowing in fear, Dierdre impatiently tapping her foot in waiting, and Cowcupine's slow, methodical chewing of the cud. When all was readied, Dierdre helped Bryan down onto the altar and Menua took his place standing above the intended sacrifice. Menua picked up the knife and standing above Bryan looked down at him. 'Are you prepared to meet Dis?' 'I guess so', said Bryan. 'What choice do I have NOW??' Cowcupine, wide-eyed and waiting, mentioned, 'This is so exciting.' Dierdre promptly agreed and qualified, 'Especially when it's someone else.' Menua lowered the knife, 'This life you now have is just one place in the everlasting cycle - now you will begin anew!' He then plummeted the knife deep into Bryan's chest and his eyes glazed as blood spurted everywhere. The druid ripped the knife from chest to crouch allowing Bryan's entrails to fall upon the earth. Blood-soaked, he knelt before Bryan's still beating heart laying in the dirt. 'Dis is Happy!', exclaimed the master of ceremonies before he picked the heart up and sank his teeth into the warm, red organ. After taking a bite, he offered some to Dierdre who politely declined saying something about calories. And the strangest of all events, Bryan was not seen to be in the galaxy at all. His soul was gone. And in his rebirth, Athena the latest Groundhog emerged. The party left, leaving the remains of Bryan's body to the wolves. The sacrifice was a complete success! **>> SPYNET REVIEW The Tungsten Tourist Trap Trophy was won this week by Conception, Opera, Musica, Canyon, Libra and Bliss (three times). Congratulations to the owners of these successful planets. Alas, poor JP Amy, who took her own life in the Cove system. RIP. Congratulations to those who achieved promotion during the week. The new Captains were Greyfox, Rix, Decker, Chulu, Minnow and Brain. Gandalf, Greyfox and Brain reached Adventurer. The Traders Guild admitted Roger into its membership. Bryan became a Merchant. Detrim and Cowcupine proved their economic prowess by their promotions to JP. Squire Briefcase linked his new planet, Libra. Let us know when it's ready for review, Briefcase! **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. The current Federation Game Hosts are: Freya, Porcupine, Grannie, Sparky, Zzzax, Geezer, Magneto, Syfari and Goblin. Their function is to answer questions, help new players get started, and make fun things happen. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on GEnie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On GEnie, type ORDER from any main menu page. **>> BULLETIN ENDS