**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.06.09 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> DEATH BECOMES YOU! Instill, otherwise known as the Lord of Diamond, is rumored to be reviving an ancient cult of unknown origin. Anyone interested in conversion should be warned that Instill, who is believed to be their prophet, seems to honor death rather highly. The initiation, which consists of dying at the hands of the Grim Reaper himself, seems to be deterring a popular groundswell from joining this movement. Death may have its advantages; Instill, acting as the Reaper of Souls, has offered to instruct his devotees in the art of warfare as well protecting them from any further harm. Only time will prove whether this is incentive enough for this new Cult of Death to prosper. **>> POLITICS AND THE ART OF THE POSSIBLE Earlier this week a council was held on Epini. The Epinians have several pressing issues which they wish to bring before the Galactic Council. First, they are distressed by the sluggish economy and believe that the Council is not issuing enough trading permits. Secondly, they wish to augment the powers of their Duke, Budwarp (Ed. note: who some consider to be getting lazy and fat, lacking any motivation to do anything with his time and office). After a very heated discussion, it was decided to send an envoy to the Council. Several members were nominated and, in a tight runoff election, Dierdre was selected to go, on the platform that few would have better diplomatic skills than the mother of so many children. She seemed the perfect selection, and with the full support of her loving husband, Budwarp, she closed her planet, Cove, and headed out to take on the Galactic Council. We managed to talk to three of her relatives about her departure. Admiral, her son, a man gifted in warcraft but not in politics, was devastated. Feeling that a full-scale war would be necessary eventually to gain the demands of Epini, he was extremely concerned about the safety of his mother in a foreign land and felt this diplomatic step to be a waste of time. Anais, widow of Dierdre's late son, Clovis, seemed confident that Dierdre would accomplish her goals. "After all, Politics is the Art of the Possible. If anyone can move the Galactic Council, Dierdre can." She was however very concerned about the Epinian Flu. This disease seems to be carried by Epinians, though it doesn't affect them. Anais was concerned that Dierdre would infect the entire council and leave the Galaxy without political direction. Instill, another son of Epini, was much more blase than the other children. He seemed willing to accept whatever fate brings. "If she returns, we will be better off, if not we will muddle through." Trista, although not a relation to the Epini clan, was exceedingly distressed with Dierdre's departure. It seems the Covians, being forced into exile, have fled to Bliss, the planet most like their homeland. Her infrastructure is being stressed to the breaking point with the influx of so many refugees, and she is endeavoring to keep the atmosphere of her planet blissful, regardless of the increase in population. "Fortunately," says she, "my Blissians were well vaccinated and will not be affected by the Epinian Flu." She indicated that already there has been some cross-breeding, and while no offspring have arrived, she is not sure what sort of being will be produced by a Blissian-Covian cross. **>> DRESSED TO KILL Late one night in CDs, all was quiet. Pharous, Betty, and Naida were drinking and sharing tips after a particularly grueling series of trade runs. When Betty went under the table, everyone at first assumed she had simply drunk herself there; however, much to everyone's suprise, she emerged a little less full figured and wielding an imposing blaster pistol. Pharous, in a gesture proving chivalry is not dead (even if common sense is), moved in front of Naida taking the brunt of a blaster round to the chest. The events that follow cannot be fully explained by this Newsdroid. Although the large hole in Pharous' now worthless flack jacket is obvious, the reasons for Betty's attack are not. It's equally unclear why Betty broke off the attack as mysteriously as it started; sources speculate that perhaps she was counting on a single shot from the large blaster to do the job. Bar-goers are advised to watch Betty carefully and make sure she's not, erm, Dressed to Kill. **>> TONGS AND THE TUNGSTEN TOURIST TRAP TROPHY Wizard, a small planet in the Duchy of Epini, is scarcely different from a standard water world but doesn't lack for entertainment nonetheless. While vacationing there, this newsdroid forgot her sunscreen and burned a little, but that did not lessen her wild and crazy times frolicking with the beautiful people on the beaches. Visitors are reminded to be sure to buy a tong at the shop; the tong is the local attire of choice, and everyone wears them leaving just a very little to be imagined . I know this newsdroid left gasping at the sights, but with a possible explanation for all the Tourist Trap Trophies. **>> AND NOW, A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT Be very careful how many Chaosian Lethal Injections you drink. Bodies were everywhere in Chez Diesels, after Duke Chance bought only a few rounds of the flaming brew. (Ed. note: Lethal Injections have previously been declared to be unsafe in any quantity by the Surgeon General.) **>> ADMIRAL WANTS YOU! Tired of looking for those favorable trade winds? If you're looking for some fast groats, and don't need to ask too many embarassing questions, Admiral may have just the deal for you! Since the Armageddon (an event better left unexplained), his band of mercenaries, has reportedly been cut in half. Admiral is in the midst of his largest recruiting drive yet, with only vague references to any actual harm. We've been unable to locate the source of his bankroll, or his precise future plans, but from what we have seen, he is promising some rather large sums of groats. What purpose this may serve, we can only guess at. Admiral did however deny any connection to the orginazation known only as, "Anarchy Now." **>> SPYNET REVIEW This week's Tungsten Tourish Trap Trophy maistro was Wizard, which won the award three times. Obviously a popular place! The T4 was also won once each by Shelter, Opera, Libra and Atlantis. Congratulations go to everyone who attained promotion during the past week. The new Captains were Pest, Hoobert, Catroina, Betty, Naida, Octavian, Jervis and Laura. Catroina went on to become an Adventureuse, and then a Trader. Bluebeard, back from the dead last week, also became a Trader, then a Merchant, then a JP! Orakle also joined the Traders Guild, and Brejin was promoted to JP as well. **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on Genie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On Genie, type ORDER from any main menu page. **>> BULLETIN ENDS