**>> SPYNET BULLETIN **>> EARTHDATE 95.06.16 **>> AN H-by-A SERVICE **>> Compiled by Hazed plus a team of specialist newsdroids **>> your news and gossip and get paid good groats! **>> WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO.... Whatever happened to Cheri, Technocrat of Aise, last seen floating in a tank as a mermaid on the Aise LP? This newsdroid looked high and low to find some information on her to continue our story that we featured a few editions back about her being a Mermaid and her then imminent change. Finally, after days of exhaustive and often dangerous search in perilous locations (Ed. note: Aise, peaceful as it seems, has some very nasty spots; see our feature on the planet Aise later in this edition), we found a movie goer in the 'Dance with Mermaid' movie, which is for some undeterminded reason the top-grossing movie on Aise, who semed to have just a bit of information which he whispered to this newsdroid while looking over his shoulder nervously. He said, and we quote, "Our Lady Cheri is molting." After this statment, he quickly gathered up his popcorn and left the movie theater never to be seen again; we sent another newsdroid to confirm the story, he could not be found. And no one, absolutely no one, would confirm or deny our story. It was as if Cheri was hiding behind the protective wall of silence from her people, who seem to hold her in high regard and reverence. More on this story as information comes in... **>> THE PLANET AISE In our continuing series of tours of planets in our galaxy, this newsdroid had a very eventful tour of Aise. Aise is a large planet in the duchy Chaos and its Overlord is Cheri. At first one is dazzled by the beaches and hidden coves featuring sand so soft, sea so warm, and pools of such crystal clarity that you can see the sparkling sand twinkling up at you. Cheri certainly held nothing back in making the casual visitor's stay most comfortable, including a little cottage where you can change your clothes with a shower and a viewing room that one can watch the sometime stormy sea in comfort on a very soft Camelback couch. But for those of us with a little more curiousity, seeking a little local flavor, Aise can quickly become a very strange and alien place. For those seeking a new experience, this newsdroid suggests stopping by the laundry, which offers a rather unusal service while you wait for your clothes. Or one can sit in the square watching the Aisians bustle about and see the shimmering wall of water, featuring strange and exotic colors, which appears to be evidence of a mysterious technology. Unfortunately the most interesting regions on Aise seem to remain hidden behind an almost inpenetrable wall of security. We *do* wonder what Cheri has to hide behind the extreme, and we do mean extreme, security measures that surround at least 1/4 of the planet, where this newsdroid met death so close that she kissed him on the lips, more than once she might add, trying to bring you this story. The doctor in the hospital, with whom I became good friends after my many visits there, only had a few words to say and they were, "'Our Lady enjoys her privacy." Well, until this newdroid gets more funds to buy some protective armour, Cheri, Technocrat of Aise can just keep her privavcy. **>> THE COVE EXCHANGE REOPENS! Cheers were heard all over Fedspace when the bell rang signalling the reopening of the very profitable Covian Exchange. We wandered over to Cove to learn the fate of the Baroness. All we heard were rumors that a messenger had come carrying instructions from Dierdre to reopen the exchange and bearing all sorts of news of her activities at the Galactic Council. However, someone, not liking the message, killed the messenger. We have no idea who killed the messenger or what his message was. Epinians held a moment of silence at Galactic Midnight, in honor of Dierdre, praying for her successful and safe return. **>> MERLIN, IN SEARCH OF A WIFE Noting the number of T4 trophies which have been awarded to Wizard, we decided to visit Wizard to determine the tourist appeal.. Well, after arriving on the landing pad, we were knocked over repeatedly by busy traders and merchants seeking to amass huge profits. It seems Merlin has assembled a formidable merchant fleet, often financing a young trader's rise to merchant (for a fee, we are sure) so that the trader can build factories to increase production on Wizard. Ladies and Gentlemen, watch this brilliant planet owner as we predict he will make a quick rise to Duke, and be a formidable one at that. Merlin does seem to lack one thing, however, female companionship. Pondering this solitary existance, we suddenly noticed that he travelled the galaxy without a stitch of clothing on. This seemed to either bore or repel the ladies, so he decided to get dressed, advertising openly for a wife. When asked what sort of mate he desired, Merlin was not at all particular saying, "Someone female, preferably humanoid." We figured he could certainly transform any willing female with his magical powers, and began to wonder why he had not managed to enchant one... Merlin confessed rather sheepishly that he had lost his wand! **>> INSTILL, DON JUAN OF FEDERATION Unlike Merlin, who chose to wander naked, Instill, the Dark Lord of Diamond, can often be seen swirling his cloak and usually in the company of one of the most beautiful women of Federation. His ladies of the week seem to include Cinnamon, Tamara, and Catroina, however, since some of our microphones appear to be not functioning it is possible we missed an amorous encounter or two. Perhaps Instill should give lessons to Merlin on how to attract the ladies. In exchange Merlin could give Instill some much needed advice since poor Instill seems to be stuck at Journeyperson, not having a clue how to amass his fortunes to build his own planet. **>> TO RULE THE UNIVERSE... Mojo has resurfaced at Chez Diesel's wearing his traditional red boots. Time has changed little for Mojo and this became apparent when he kicked everyone in the bar upon his entrance. When Cinnamon asked Mojo if he kicked everyone, his typically direct reply was that he didn't kick "nice ladies" and then propositioned Cinnamon. Mojo then explained his need for a woman has become pressing, given that he's never had one. Later, he recanted part of this embarrasing story, vaguely alluding to some painful experience involving the reactor core of a spaceship and an alien. At this point, Mojo sipped more of his bottle of Mad Dog and became even less coherent. After a brief song, Mojo explained that he intends to rule the universe one day, and he hopes to have a woman at his side to share it with... and to change his diaper. **>> THE EPINIAN FLU STRIKES AGAIN Tragedy struck Federation Dataspace this week when Captain Naida was apparently been struck with by the dreaded Epinian Flu. The contagation, for those fortunate enough to escape its clutches when it swept through our galaxy a few weeks ago, is characteried by extreme swelling of the brain within its skull. This obviously causes serious side effects in every species except for the Epinians, who are incidentally, carriers of this virilant virus thought to have been rendered harmless when Chaosian scientists managed to create a vaccine. While talking in CDs with Captain Octavian, her apparent love, and JP Ishmael, Naida became dizzy and showed symptoms of the malady. She was immediately hospitialized, as were her companions, until it could be determined if she had visited a region without proper innoculation or if all Federation Dataspace needs to fear a mutation of the previously conquered virus. We wait as doctors around the galaxy are scrambling to avert another outbreak. **>> TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES....ER...GREMLINS THAT IS With half of Federation Dataspace looking for love in all the most...unusal...places and the other half locking themselves in their spaceships and dwellings fearing yet another outbreak of the Epinian flu, it should have come as no shock to this newsdroid when our sources in the police department revealed that an informant (thought to be a former member of the Dragoons) has come forward with news of a diabolical alliance between the Dragoons and forces backing them and the Gremlins who have been infesting Federation Dataspace with all sorts of glitches and annoyances. Word is that the latest plot involved Gremlins tampering with the Galatic water supply on Mars to introduce a new strain of the Epinian flu to unsuspecting tavern customers at CDs and our vidcam teams are standing by at police headquarters for further information when it becomes available. **>> NOTABLE QUOTE OF THE WEEK OR FINDING YOUR RELGION For those that doubt the conspiracy theory, we submit the following capture found on open comms as evidence that *something* has to be in the water: Your comms unit crackles with a message from Chance, 'A Duke is a Lord of Lords :)' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Shandi, 'One can be Lord and Duke a la vez...' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Instill, 'Nay, The Lord of Lords would be God.' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Chance, 'Who's God?' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Instill, '::grins:: I shall not explain.' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Shandi, 'therefore Duke=God, and it follows that Chance = God?' Your comms unit crackles with a message from Chance, 'ACK! No pressure :)' **>> CONTACTS The following information will appear at the end of every News Bulletin, so you don't have to read it if you already know it. In the event of a problem or question, you can: * talk to Hazed or one of the Game Hosts in the game * a message to Hazed * send mail on your host system to the Federation team: on Genie, mail FEDII.2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Delphi, mail FED2 or use the option on the main Fed page on Cris, mail FEDERATION2 You can buy a copy of the very excellent Idiot's Guide to Federation for the paltry sum of $15.95. On Genie, type ORDER from any main menu page. **>> BULLETIN ENDS