LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 2 October 1998 I warned you! Don't say I didn't! 'Don't venture into space when people are trying out the new fighting commands' I said, but did you listen? No you didn't! So don't come crying to me because some powerful Merchant has blown you into tiny little pieces, cos you won't get any sympathy. I told you so! Most of the violence was provided by Pegasus (who now has 13 little spaceships notched into his paintwork). Pugwash also took great delight in pouncing on poor unsuspecting Commanders, but could only manage to dispose of 6. She even had the temerity to take a few potshots at Our Illustrious Leader, but barely managed to dent the mega-hull of the Belladonna. I'm not sure what measures Bella will take in revenge... but it's possible the Sexiest Merchant may regret her foolishness... The Big Fight of the week, between Omi and Zugger, was actually something of an anti-climax. Both the contenstants considered the best way to go about the grudge- match was to sit in the same sector and blast each other until one of them died (or ran away to get repaired - very cowardly). No style, no subtlety, no sneak-attacks... just brute force. The Rambo method of mayhem. Zugger certainly came off worse - he hadn't realised that Omi had friends in high places. The Mighty Pegasus wasn't going to watch other people fighting without sticking his oar in, and rushed to the defence of the Junior Merchant. Even Pugwash joined in the fun at one point, but managed to blow a few holes in Omi by mistake! Perhaps I'd better stop her drinking quite so much Diesel's Old Peculiar. Zugger is now recuperating on a remote asteroid but I understand the fight will resume on his return. Perhaps he will rope in some allies as well. I'd love to watch a huge-gang fight. I might even sell tickets! One problem with all the new weaponry you've been installing in your ships is that it needs a lot of power to run, and several people have found their engines just can't cope. Discovering you can't fire your twin laser when you are under attack can be a little traumatic, so maybe it would be a good idea if you went and installed just a little bit larger engines. People are certainly getting worried about fighting. Secret societies are springing up pledging to protect members from victimisation. They have clandestine meetings where they swear eternal brotherhood, roll up their trouser-legs and bare their breasts, that sort of unsavoury behaviour. The largest group at the moment is The Alliance, run by Trader Snoopy (although I understand they're changing their name to The Democrats). The main function of the group is for the members to scrounge money from Snoopy whenever they run a bit short. How long it will be until Snoopy gets fed up with imitating a cash-machine remains to be seen. If you've been wondering why Our Illustrious Leader has been logging on to Fed, laughing hysterically, then logging straight off again, it's because she has been checking the Stardate. Since the second figure in the Stardate indicates the number of player/minutes the game has been running, it is a simple matter for Bella to divide by 40 and see how much money she is making. I understand she will be buying the Pizzas at the next Fed Meet. Speaking of which... the next official Fed Meet will be during the Commodore Show in November; watch this space for details. Howwever, by popular demand there will be a mini-meet on Saturday 22 October in Sutton (that's in Surrey. Somewhere south of London. London is on Earth). I'm sure you're all wondering why the meet is being held in such an obscure place. It is not just because no restaurants in London will have us (not unless we bring our own crockery). The occasion is the 3rd National Computer Adventurers' Convention and Bella will be demonstrating Fed II (assisted - or hindered - by Pegasus and Pugwash). For full details, look in the Fed Meet directory. You can't move for Traders these days. There's been at least four new ones in the last week (I'm not going to mention them because I'd only forget someone and I don't want any complaints). The Trading Exchanges are getting very crowded! Strangely enough, there's been a reduction in the number of Merchants. Linebacker, Toranaga and Samantha haven't been seen in Fed Data Space for some time. There are rumours that they have reached Journeyman and thus become invisible to mere mortals. It has certainly made it difficult for anyone to appeal to the Conclave when three members are uncontactable. (Although why anyone bothers to appeal I don't know, since the first rule of the Conclave is 'We Uphold Nothing!') In any case, the Conclave gave a very false reckoning of players' standing since it took no account of how many groats had been spent of self-improvement. But now the calculation of networth includes stat points over 160 (at a rate of 500K each) which has resulted in a drastic change to the order. Pegasus is back at the top with Pugwash hard on his heels. Toranaga has dropped out completely, and it won't be long before Linebacker and Samantha lose their places. The Galactic Administration has been receiving complaints from Stevedores employed in the spaceports that they cannot cope with the huge volume of work all these new Traders cause. In its typical bureaucratic fashion, instead of employing more staff to ease the burden, it has cut down the number of cargo bays in the ships to 15. The change will come into effect some time this week so be careful how many items you buy. See you in Sutton! STOP PRESS! The all-new, mega-improved, 50% bigger Idiot's Guide is being uploaded at this very moment! It includes new sections on fighting and trading (which will help all the new Traders to find out what the hell they should be doing!). Go and read it at once!