LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 21 February, 1989 YOU'RE BACK! There's life in Fed Data Space again! It is nice to see you all back, it was so lonely in Chez Diesel while you lot were on strike. I had no company at all except for the waitdroid - whose conversation is rather limited - and that damned cat wandering in from time to time scrounging scraps of horsemeat. Actually, I was quite glad of the break. I haven't had a holiday since my weekend package deal 18-130 holiday on the rolling purple beaches of Procyon IV last year. But quite frankly, I am amazed you all managed to stay away so long! How did you cope without regular infusions of Diesel's Old Peculiar? It's quite worrying - I'll have to increase the potency if you are losing your dependence on DOP. At least it was in a good cause - and you won! Your noble gesture in striking showed that user-power is a force to be reckoned with; let's hope Fedders don't have to suffer the torment of deprivation again. Of course, the boycott wasn't 100%. There were a few blacklegs (who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are - don't you Red-Eyes?). Their motives are unclear - did they think the boycott wouldn't work? Or was it a complete lack of honour, principle and sympathy for Our Illustrious Leader's plight making them sieze the opportunity to make a few illicit groats? Whatever the reasons for these scabs breaking the strike, I predict they will find themselves on the wrong end of many twin lasers! Mind you, the boycotters weren't totally bereft of Fed activities. To minimise the withdrawal symptoms, Hawk (everone's favourite old man) set up a new Fed Directory, containing art, lo-res graphics, ST utilities, a gossip and complaints section, and a Fed Chat area called Tight Beam. This was an instant success - although the lack of alpha- gotos made finding the end of it tricky if you came along late! It was a poor substitute for socialising in Chez Diesel (Social Centre of the Solar System) - but cheaper! Whether it will be so popular now play has resumed remains to be seen, but if nothing else it will be useful for leaving messages. Hawk's Roost is at 460703, and for Tight Beam GOTO 460709. Our Illustrious Leader has now resumed work on the game, and promises a new version in two weeks. The JP bug will be fixed, so Omi only has a few days left to lose all his groats. More components of the dreaded GM puzzle will be in, making accessible (with varying degrees of difficulty) all the locations on the Pirates Asteroid. Now a tale of press irresponsibility. Those of you foolish enough to have read TWF Issue 11 will remember they ran a blistering expose of the love-life of Pugwash, the Sexiest JP. The damage done by this sordid scandal-sheet was appalling and lead to the suicide of an innocent young Fedder. Pugwash was so upset by the article, and its horrifying consequences, that she asked me to tell the real truth behind the story. This is what she told me... After a very busy night's trading I was exhausted and took a wrong turn on the way back to Mercury's spaceport. I found myself in a part of the colony I was unfamiliar with , so decided to ask directions of the locals. Seeing a very run-down office with a dim light shining through the open door, I entered hoping to find someone to help me. Seated in the shadows was an indistinct figure wearing sunglasses. I asked if I could look through a copy of the A to Z of the Solar System. I had difficulty finding out where I was - the street I appeared to be in was on the join between two data-disks - and while I was puzzling over the maps, the anonymous person offered me a drink, which I accepted. Had I known then what I know now, I would have thrown the drink in his face and run a mile! But the man in shades seemed so sympathetic to my plight that I suspected nothing and downed the drink - little knowing that I had stumbled into the TWF Offices, and that my benefactor was none other than Magius, their chief journalist! The fruit juice he gave me contained a powerful drug, and soon I was helpless in their grasp! My will was totally sapped and I was unable to do anything unless instructed. Magius was joined by another of the TWF scum, Gizmo, who set a tape recorder running. The two villains then questioned me about my relationship with Birdseye, and about my previous lovers - or at least the ones they knew about! After they had recorded all they wanted for their gutter-press publication, they... no, it's too horrible, I would shock you if I described the perverted things they made me do. But I am consulting legal experts about bringing charges against these fiends for indecent assault! When the drug started to wear off, they dumped me, naked, in a back-street on Mars. I managed to make my way to Chez Diesel without being seen. I tried to put this horrifying ordeal out of my mind, but everytime I saw Magius he taunted me with the story they intended to run. I knew I would have to warn Birdseye of the lies that would be printed, but I kept putting it off for fear of his reaction. The night before TWF was due to be published, I decided to come clean with Birdseye. But before I could tell him the whole story, Magius started to quote some of the disgusting allegations in the story. Birdseye went beserk and attacked Magius in a ferocious rage, and Magius kept taunting him with the filthy lies about me he intended to print, until my lover turned on me as well! His anger soon turned to despair and he decided to commit suicide. I pleaded with him not to do it, I begged Magius in vain to show some mercy and pull the story, but the despicable journalist just laughed and egged Birdseye on to his death while I wept. And so the gutter-press are responsible for yet another suicide. Will these criminals never be brought to justice? I suppose we should be grateful that it wasn't the SpyNet Sport that had poor Pugwash in their clutches - they would probably have never let her go! Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. Although dead, Birdseye's anguish would not let him depart peacefully to the after-life of his choice. He remained in Fed Data Space, a rotting, smelly corpse, haunting Pugwash as she attempted to build a new life out of the ashes of her love, and threatening any man she spoke to. But Pugwash's love for Birdseye remained, and in a tearful reconciliation they vowed to give their relationship another chance. Birdseye had plastic surgery to cover his horrific wounds, and he hardly smells at all now. There has even been speculation about marriage, but Pugwash and Birdseye won't confirm or deny these rumours. We just have to hope that TWF won't try once again to ruin the lives of these two innocent lovers. But there is a warning for you all here - never accept a drink from a man wearing sunglasses! Speaking of journalists, I hear that GM Magazine (who are fairly respectable and not a filthy scumrag like TWF) will be visiting Fed Data Space tomorrow afternoon/evening, so if you log on at 6.00 you will be able to introduce her or him to all the pleasures and delights of Fed Data Space. Finally, though it pains me to mention TWF yet again, I have no choice! Those of you at the Fed Meet will remember that they smuggled a camera into the restaurant, hoping to catch Fedders unaware in embarrassing moments. They have now produced a video of the evening and want to show it to you all in order to blackmail you! They asked if they could use my premises for this purpose, and I couldn't refuse! So if you are worried about what dirt they may have on you, present yourself to: Chez Diesel 12th Floor 47 Ackroyd Drive Mile End London E3 4LD on Saturday 4 March 1989 at 7.30. I won't be cooking my speciality pizzas - I'm getting a little low on horsemeat - so bring some dosh for a take-away, and some booze. I just hope their demands won't to TOO extortionate!