LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 22 March, 1989 GUILDTHINGS Since the GM puzzle was put, there have been many deaths, and loud screams of anguish as yet another bright idea turned out to be wrong. But at last it was successfully solved by Hawk and Pugwash. For those who haven't been keeping up with the JP's gossip, the problem involves destroying the Pirate's Asteroid, Snark. The JPs were given a clue which told them which objects were needed, but no hints at all about what to do with them. The difficulty was compounded by the fact that trying something, and getting it wrong, results in a painful (and expensive!) death! Since JPs were originally told that three of them would have to cooperate to solve the puzzle, there was much speculation as to who would team up. The original line-up looked fairly predictable - Pugwash, Pegasus and Omi versus Zugger, Hawk and either Spacehound or Xaviour (depending on which of them was first to increase their stats to the necessary amount). This was knocked on the head by Pegasus' very selfish suicide, which left Pugwash stuck with the Juniorplonka as her only help - and given his reputation for being completely inept, she was none too happy with this arrangement. To maximise her chances, she proposed an alliance of all six JPs. What a wonderful idea, they all said, while secretly plotting to break the pact as soon as they had gained an advantage over the rest. The agreement was sealed by Hawk, Omi, Zugger, Pugwash and Xaviour giving Spacey the money he needed to get his stats up. Getting to the Asteroid in order to have a go at the puzzle isn't easy. It involves starting up the power system in the Martian Ruins, enlisting the help of Poor People - who are never there when you want them! And once on Snark, the first person through has no way of leaving unless they solve the puzzle - or die. Others can bring their ships through with them - but another of Bella's little 'features' made the game fall over when they tried to orbit again. This has been fixed now, but Tight Beam was busy for a few days. The plot thickened as a piece of paper was found on the Asteroid with a meaningless string of hex printed on it. Aha, thought the JPs, a code! And indeed it was a code, which when broken (Our Illustrious Leader informed them) would tell them what they should be doing. Unfortunately, no-one appeared able to break it, even when Bella very kindly told them one of the letters. OIL was being her usual enigmatic self, refusing to divulge any useful information, and chuckling evilly as one JP after another broke down in tears of frustration. Nobody really expected the JPs alliance to hold up - and it didn't. The first crack appeared when Hawk and Pugwash got very disgruntled that while they were risking life, limb and insurance premium to try every possibility, Zugger was conspicuous by his absence. Predictably, the arrangement fell apart completely as soon as the code was cracked; but it wasn't one of the oh-so-brainy JPs that finally solved the mystery. It was an obnoxious little Captain called Cryptosporidium (totally unpronounceable as well as bloody difficult to spell) who succeeded where all others had failed - and then offered the secret to the highest bidder! The JPs were outraged at the mercenary behaviour of this sweaty oik. How dare a Poor Person hold the top players to ransome in this dastardly fashion? Many of them refused, on principle, to deal with the cad, thinking that if he could crack the code so could they. (The fact that their insurance premiums had reached over 1 Meg, leaving them with no spare cash, may also have had something to do with it). But while others protested, and redoubled their efforts to decipher the code, Pugwash decided it would be far quicker to hand over her hard-earned groats. After much secret haggling, she gritted her teeth and agreed to pay Crypto 20 meg!! (Why does a lowly Captain want that amount of money?) Crypto told her the answer, and Hawk agreed to go halves on this extortionate price. Very magnanimously, Pugs allowed Hawk to make the first attempt (knowing there was a fair chance he would still get it wrong). Hawk set off for the Asteroid, thinking that the objects he needed had been left conveniently placed. Alas, Spacehound had got there first and died while trying out his latest theory, thus losing the lot! Pugwash had to wait around in various locations for their return, hoping no-one would nick them before she could grab them. Meanwhile Hawk sweated on the Asteroid, muttering something about Snarks and Droids. After what seemed like a century of waiting, the objects were reclaimed safely. Pugwash delivered them to Hawk and prepared to do her part to help him get promoted. Nervously, Hawk attempted to destroy the Asteroid without destroying himself in the attempt - and succeeded! Fed had its first Guildthing! Two days later, the Sexiest JP became the Sexiest GM, considering her share of the 20 meg worth every penny. Hawk and Pugwash are now under great pressure from the other JPs to divulge the secret, but so far they have been as unhelpful as Bella - possibly they have been taking lessons (and then again... possibly not!) They are obviously reluctant for the GM puzzle to be like the JP puzzle - once one person had solved that, everyone knew the answer. Apart from the privilege of spying on their former colleagues and smirking as they fail miserably in their attempts, the benefits gained from the Guildthings' promotion is to have 15 added to their lowest stat - and to have their insurance zeroed! A very welcome bonus after the high death toll on Snark - Omi in particular will be relieved when he makes it, since his premium is currently around 1.4 meg. Xaviour, Spacehound, Zugger and Omi have all attempted the puzzle in the last few days but with no success. Spacehound's last attempt was a complete disaster right from the start - he somehow managed to cock up starting the power system by using the wrong helpers (how did he ever get to be a JP without knowing how to do it right?) and the resulting explosion crashed the game. There have certainly been some wierd ideas about what is needed to solve the puzzle. Someone told Omi that he needed a Brochure from the Travel Agent on Venus, and he dutifully trotted off and tried to buy one. That is a very old trick first tried on Anthony, but no-one as high as a JP has ever fallen for it before! We will just have to wait and see who out of the remaining four JPs will succeed next - either by their own brainpower, or by paying greedy Crypto for the answer. Whatever happens, you will read about it here!