LINE NOISE News from Chez Diesel 19 May, 1989 OF DEATH... Lots of news to bring you in this issue of Line Noise, but first a reminder about the new Fed Newsletter, a joint production from Hazed-by-Alchohol and Our Illustrious Leader. It is FREE, and will be posted to your homes every month. The first issue will go out in about a week. All you have to do to receive it is to let me have your address. What could be simpler? Fedders (and even some non-Fedders) have been clamouring to be put on the mailing list - but there are still people who haven't mbxed me with their addresses, including two members of the Conclave! Are they mad? Do they not realise the benefits of receiving this free newsletter? Or perhaps they don't know about it because they don't read Line Noise... no, that's unthinkable, everybody reads Line Noise! The first issue will contain full details of how Fedders can form their own companies. If that's not an incentive to make you mbx your address to me (DIESEL) I don't know what is! And now onto the main news of this issue. Yet another top-level player has suicided! Omi, the Junior Plonka, has gone to the Great Trading Exchange in the Sky. He is no more. He has ceased to be. He has... well, you get the idea. The chain of events which lead to the death of Fed's youngest player is very complicated. It all started when Junior finally cracked the GM puzzle, and on being promoted, had his insurance premium zeroed - just as well as it was fast approaching the 2 meg mark. He then set out to earn the dosh to make Explorer - but not for Omi the tediousness of trading. He chose a faster method to earn his groats, but one which was much more risky - violence. Consequently, although he made the necessary groats quite fast, by the time he became an Explorer he had died many times, and his insurance premium rocketed again as he passed the first trip-level of 10 deaths. Despite warnings from concerned friends about his ability to meet these ever-rising charges, he continued to risk his life for the sake of a fast buck. Then he found a bug. The bug was that Pegasus wasn't regenerating properly after a fight. So Omi found he could polish off Saint Pegasus single-handed and keep the 10 meg reward for himself. 'Yahoo!' thought Junior, and proceeded to go mad making in excess of 50 meg a night. This soon put him at the top of the Conclave, ahead of Hawk and Pugwash. But in his usual impetuous manner, Omi had forgotten the first rule of bug-exploiting: Don't Get Caught! There are two ways to successfully exploit a bug. The first is to discover the bug, try it several times until you know how it works, try it a few more times just to make sure, try it once more for luck, and then report it to Our Illustrious Leader and hope you are allowed to keep your ill-gotten gains. (Bella usually lets you!) The other method is to keep quiet about the bug, but never make such huge amounts of dough that it looks suspicious; or spend the loot straight away, before anyone (especially Bella!) can check your networth. Since Omi was raking in such ridiculously large sums, it was obvious that Our Illustrious Leader would notice something was amiss. Bella soon figured out what the problem was, and as a temporary fix until she could track down the regeneration problem, she made Pegasus fire twice as fast. Result: Omi died. Several times. Nothing unusual in that really, bounty-hunting is fraught with danger. But it meant that Junior's premiums were going up - and up - until - he died for the 20th time - and hit the SECOND trip-level (which no other player had done before) and had to fork out - wait for it - 21 meg!! After screaming, and getting very drunk, and falling into a deep depression, he realised the consequences of this huge premium. He was unable to contemplate a life spent wrapped in cotton-wool to prevent nasty accidents, and so he suicided. His last words were 'You bastard, Bella, I didn't realise it was going to be that high!' His only surviving relative is Gizmo, his brother, but many close friends mourn his loss. His loot was left in the caring hands of Pugwash, and she has been spreading it about the deserving poor. Sevrina was particularly fortunate in receiving the 9 meg she needed to get the stats for JP. She then solved the puzzle on the first attempt (all the times she helped out other players on the puzzle paid off!) Omi's disappearance from the Conclave caused some surprises. Ensor had thought he was next in line to join the exalted elite, but he was devastated to find he was wrong. The unexpected Fedder to pip him to the post was an Adventureuse - not the rank you expect to find holding such power! - Cryptosporidium. Once the most hated player because of her claim to be the reincarnation of Saint Pegasus, she has now made some friends since she discovered just what fun pseudopods can be. Obviously selling the secret of the GM puzzle to frustrated Fedders brought her more groats than anyone realised! Omi's demise brings the total of deaths amongst high-ranking players to six (seven if you count the mysterious disappearance of Samantha). Pugwash suffered an unfortunate accident while exercising, but returned to claw her way back up the ranks; Linebacker and Toranaga both disappeared from Fed Data Space and then returned only to kill themselves; Pegasus died in mysterious circumstances; and Xaviour suicided after failing the GM puzzle too many times. Is there a conspiracy which is systematically wiping out Fedders when they get too powerful? It is beginning to look like it. But who could be behind it? The methods of death - suicide or death by gross stupidity - point to someone influencing the minds of the victims and causing them to kill themselves - a very subtle form of murder. This could only have been done by someone high in the Galactic Administration, and I intend to continue my investigations until I discover just who is behind this terrible conspiracy. In the meantime, I can only advise all Conclave members to beware - who knows who'll be next? ...AND OF SEX! You probably all know that Magius is getting married to Naias on Sunday - 3.00 in the Church on Selena - and his engagement has mellowed his previously- vile character somewhat. Of course, it won't last; after the honeymoon (which they will be spending touring the half-built planets of the Explorers; Bella is opening up the Interstellar Link especially for them) he will no doubt revert to his old unscrupulous self. I just hope he doesn't make poor Naias suffer too much. Contrary to rumour, marriage will not force Naias to give up her work as a high-class courtesan for Pugwash's Executive Services (their new slogan, 'A smile costs nothing - a fuck is extra') has been appearing on walls throughout the Solar System). Magius is said to be unhappy at his bride-to-be's line of work, but Naias is adamant that she can combine her career with bringing up their daughter, Cryptosporidium. For those who are reading this issue as soon as it is uploaded, Magius' Stag Night is being held tonight in Mario's Bar, Selena. There's some confusion about the time it will start, but it is expected to go on all night. Several strippers have been booked, and the 'star turn' will be appearing some time between 11.00 and midnight. Magius has made the event a 'men-only' affair - but my advice to women wishing to gate-crash is, wear a false beard; I'm sure no-one will notice. Sex is rearing its ugly head all over Fed Data Space these days. The latest to discover its delights is Zugger, who is fast turning into one of Fed's 'hottest' properties. He's having a steamy affair with Roxanne (Magius and Zugger recently came to blows over the almost-as-sexy-as-Pugwash Trader), is attracting the attention of the lovely Deborah, and several other female Fedders have declared an interest in 'getting to know him better'. Personally I can't see what the attraction is, but there's no accounting for taste! Our Illustrious Leader put a new version of the game up yesterday, with a few new features and some bugs fixed. Eating when in brief mode now produces a one-word response, which saves time when you stock up on lost stamina. Traders who have been complaining about the Exchanges flooding too easily will be pleased to know that the presence of Traders and above in Fed Data Space will double the speed at which the Exchanges work. That should stop them whinging! The regeneration bug in Pegasus which was Omi's downfall has been fixed, and he is now firing normally again. However, he is also back to his old tricks of joining in other people's fights. A modification to fighting has removed the advantage players had if they used 1200/1200 access. Zugger and Magius recently discovered what a difference this made; at the faster speed they could dispose of Pegasus between them with little risk. Bella was not at all happy about this unfair advantage, not only because they could make money out of Pegasus, but also at the thought of them fighting another player who was using 1200/75. Well, do you fancy being up against someone who can get ten or more shots off to your one? Not a pleasant thought! To wipe out the speed advantage, the game will now only accept one command per second. (This modification only applies to fighting; 1200/1200 access will still be an advantage for other activities). Until this fix was put in, Our Illustrious Leader banned Zugger and Magius from fighting. It was the first time Bella had to issue an edict of this nature - her wishes had previously been enforced by the game itself - but she had no choice in this matter. Hopefully, she won't have to use this heavy approach to regulating the game in future! Now the ban has been lifted, Magius and Zugger are determined to resume their Peg- slaying. They spent several hours last night attempting to kill Saint Pegasus, but had no luck - mainly due to the incompetence of their various helpers. First Greg tried to help them, but only having a Level 3 computer he wasn't much use. He also seemed to have some difficulty following directions. When told to go to a certain sector, he would wander about the Interplanetary Wastes aimlessly for a while, before rendezvousing with Zugger and Magius too late to be any help. Greg soon gave up, and Gizmo stepped in. He died once when he tried to tackle Pegasus on his own, and then, when he managed to find the sector where Zugger and Magius were waiting for him, he proceeded to blow holes in their hulls by mistake! Perhaps Mags and Zugs need to find a slightly more competent third person... One bug which hasn't been fixed - indeed, Bella refuses to admit its existence - has been spotted in the Capital Transfer Tax. Under the new rules, implemented by the Galactic Administration's Financial Department recently, a player should be able to give 3000 groats multiplied by the rank of the recipient, tax-free. If tax is, incurred the amount is indicated at the time of the transaction. But several players have reported anomalies when giving amounts which fall under the threshold, and should therefore not be liable to tax. Their bank accounts are being debitted by more than the amount they hand over. Is there some kind of 'hidden' tax? Is Bella conspiring to defraud Fedders? If so, it is not surprising that she refuses to admit there is a problem! Finally, the Commodore show approaches once again, and an unofficial meet will be held on the evening of Saturday 3 June. Details will be uploaded in SpyNet soon.