FED MEET AND GREET
with NASAHLHOG, THANE of BARNYARD


December 15, 2002


Nasalhog huffs.

Anseladams smiles and fools with his camera.

Nasalhog snorts something that you think is a friendly greeting.

Rumor writes it down

Anseladams photographs it.

Nasalhog strikes a pose, there's a lot to it.

Rumor looks at that pose from every angle

Macnbc looks at his watch

"Hmm", says Macnbc.

Nasalhog eats the watch.

"They're still fighting", says Rumor.

"Hey!", exclaims Macnbc.

Macnbc says, "that's just a rumor"

Rumor says, "Of course"

Nasalhog coughs up the hand that was still attached to the watch.

Macnbc starts sewing his hand back on

Rumor has bought you a new watch!

"Thanks", smiles Macnbc.

Nasalhog has just left.

Decked in red, green, and purple Wolfyn has appeared with a shimmer of teleportation effect.

Wolfyn says, "Hi Folks. Is dinner.. er, our guest here?"

"So, who is the victim du jour?", asks Rumor.

Wolfyn starts up the grill and puts on her Santa hat.

Sirglec puts on his bib.

Wolfyn exclaims, "Thanks for joining us, folks! Tonight we're going to have a traditional Roast Beast Christmas Dinner!"

Wolfyn says, "All we need is the main course.. er, guest."

Wolfyn looks around.

Fancy wonders what (or who) the main course is.

With apple in mouth, Nasalhog has just arrived.

"There he is!", exclaims Wolfyn.

>ex nasalhog
Those gleaming tusks and beady, red eyes. That musky scented, bristly hair carried on four hooven legs. It must be the dreaded Nasalhog!

Wolfyn smiles, "Tonight's guest is... NasalHog!"

Nasalhog huffs crotches in greetings, mind the tusks.

Wolfyn adjusts the flame on the grill and whacks the hog with a spatula.

"Stop that.", says Wolfyn.

Nasalhog oinks in an "Ouch, that hurt" sort of way.

"Come up here to the stage, Nasal.", smiles Wolfyn.

Wolfyn pats the grill.

Nasalhog eyes the grill suspiciously.

"we would love to have you for dinner", says Racingnut.

"So, tell us how you found Fed and how long you have been aging?", asks Wolfyn.

Nasalhog paws at the ground with a mighty hoof and grunts.

"What?", asks Wolfyn.

Nasalhog paws at the ground again with a mighty hoof and grunts.

Wolfyn says, "Ooookay. Well, tell us about Barnyard, then."

Wolfyn waits.

"I don't understand.", says Wolfyn.

Wolfyn says, "Spit that apple out."

Nasalhog heaves the apple from his mouth with a mighty snort.

Wolfyn ducks.

Wolfyn frowns and says, "This isn't going well at all."

Wolfyn tries grunting and just gets Sir excited.

Sirglec shuffles in his chair.

"Does anyone here speak NasalBeast?", asks Wolfyn.

Esperanza ponders this

Fancy shakes his head.

Esperanza says, "I got locked for speaking Pig Latin on the comms once."

Wolfyn whispers to Esperanza, "Is that anything like Hog? Will you interpret for us?"

Esperanza whispers back

"He's not too articulate but I'll try", says Esperanza.

Esperanza pats Nasalhog on the head.

Wolfyn asks, "Okay, we'll try again. NasalHog,how did you get your name?"

Nasalhog grunts happily.

Esperanza frantically thumbs through the hogs speak translator

Nasalhog sits on his haunches and ponders, grunting every so often.

Esperanza shows an entry to Nasalhog. "This?

Wolfyn looks to Espy.

Nasalhog nods.

Esperanza says, "Well..."

Esperanza says, "I'm not sure I have this right but he says "eheh. Ok, Wolfyn gave Nasalhog his name."

Esperanza raises an eyebrow at Wolfyn

Wolfyn coughs and chokes.

Wolfyn says, "Well, just look at him."

Nasalhog nods and shoots Wolfyn a beady look.

"He says 'he got confused one day and called Rasalhauge by Nasalhog.", says Esperanza.

Esperanza shrugs

"That's what he said", says Esperanza.

Wolfyn asks, "Your planet is named Barnyard, do you have any other creatures there?"

Nasalhog looks at Esperanza and paws at the Hogtionary.

Esperanza thumbs through to menageries

Esperanza tries taxidermists

Wolfyn smiles.

Nasalhog squeals at the mention of taxidermists!

Esperanza listens to the soft gruntings.

Wolfyn turns the book over so it's right side up.

"Well he says of yet, Barnyard is inhabited solely by me. I am however trying to recruit willing comrades to join my Swineocracy", says Esperanza.

"Swineocracy!", exclaims Wolfyn.

"Another political faction in Fed?", asks Wolfyn.

Esperanza double checks the Hogtionary. "I'm not sure that's a word"

Nasalhog grunts emphatically!

Wolfyn takes that for an affirmative.

"What is the meaning behind all this crotch snuffling I've seen you do.", says Wolfyn with a frown.

Esperanza blushes

Nasalhog blushes and coughs as much as a swine can.

Nasalhog paws at the ground innocently.

Wolfyn asks, "Are you digging for something?"

Esperanza is trying to find anything that translates this

Esperanza says, "Okay...cleaned up some, he says "Well, I am a guy and a pig to boot so what else would you expect me to do"

"Well, along that line, I've heard some interesting rumors about you lately, NasalHog.", says Wolfyn.

Esperanza crouches a little..getting faster with the hogtionary

Wolfyn asks, "It's said that you're the premier swine of cybersex in Fed. What can you tell us about that?"

Esperanza chokes on her coffee

Nasalhog grunts and looks desperate.

Esperanza found the 'birds and bees' section here

Wolfyn thinks he'd better come up with some answers or we'll just start dinner cooking.

Nasalhog sniffs at the grill and frantically paws at the hogtionary.

Esperanza frantically searches for some way to say this delicately

Esperanza asks, "it comes out something like them who can do; them that can't marvel?"

Wolfyn chuckles.

Wolfyn asks, "Any current love interests in the pigpen?"

Nasalhog grins, showing off his gleaming tusks and paws at the ground once.

Wolfyn asks, "And that means?"

Esperanza listens carefully

Esperanza coughs

Nasalhog looks all dreamy eyed and paws the ground again.

Esperanza says, "He says"

Esperanza can barely bring herself to say it....

Esperanza says, "He says, he has his eye on Frenchie"

Wolfyn exclaims, "That swine!"

Arco blinks

Esperanza rolls her eyes

Esperanza says, "That twit"

Nasalhog grunts and looks defensive.

"A match made in the barnyard then.", says Wolfyn.

Satine wonders if Frenchie will save him from the grill...

"Definitely", says Esperanza.

Fancy says, "Well, if that crazy rabbit can mate with such a sexy woman..."

Nasalhog nods at Fancy.

Wolfyn asks, "NasalHog, if there was something you could change about Fed, what would it be?"

Nasalhog squeals excitedly!

Esperanza turns to the opinions section in the Hogtionary

Nasalhog examines a page and grunts approvingly.

Racingnut wonders when those chicken wings and cheese bread will get here

Esperanza says, "More acorns, roasting ears, and he'd be the Duke and his alt would be the peon"

Wolfyn laughs.

Sitting on his favorite stool Galinfenner has appeared with a shimmer of teleportation effect.

Nasalhog snorts.

Wolfyn exclaims, "Galin, just in time!"

"Hi", says Galinfenner with a wink.

Esperanza waves to Galin

Galinfenner waves

Galinfenner says, "Hi everyone."

Wolfyn winks and says, "See folks, when Galin is late this is what we're reduced to."

Nasalhog huffs at Galin's crotch in greetings.

Esperanza whispers to Nasalhog "Be nice to Galinfenner"

Nasalhog looks abashed.

Galinfenner backs away

Fancy grins and chuckles softly.

"ok....", says Galinfenner.

Galinfenner sits back on his stool

Satine admires Galin's boots...

Wolfyn whacks the hog with the spatula again. "Quit that."

Esperanza adjusts Nasalhog's bow

Nasalhog squeals dejectedly.

"Are there any questions from the audience? From the host?", asks Wolfyn.

Nasalhog paws at the ground nervously, gouging a large hunk from the floor.

"What is a Nasalhog?", asks Galinfenner.

"Good question.", says Wolfyn.

Wolfyn looks to the Hog and to Esperanza.

Nasalhog sneezes and roots around some legs.

Wolfyn whispers to Galin, "Dinner if we're lucky."

Esperanza gives up on translating that

Galinfenner laughs

Racingnut pets nasalhog

Satine lifts up her feet...

"I think he must mean a swine with a cold.", says Wolfyn.

"I think it sorta speaks for itself but I think he says "Um, a Nasalhog is swine with a really bad sinus allergy"", says Esperanza.

Macnbc says, "I have a question.."

Wolfyn asks, "Yes, Mac?"

Macnbc asks, "Can I borrow a tazer for a bit?"

Nasalhog gores Mac.

Wolfyn asks, "Does that answer your question?"

Wolfyn asks, "Anyone else?"

Macnbc says, "yeah, but now I want a bigger tazer"

Nasalhog sharpens his tusks to a fine point on Mac's noggin.

Nasalhog grunts a thank you.

Macnbc puts on some body armor

"Nasal, are you ready for the special steam bath I promised you?", asks Wolfyn.

Wolfyn pats the grill.

Esperanza moves between Nasalhog and Wolfyn

"You can't barbque him", says Esperanza.

Esperanza says, "He has to haul"

Sirglec hasn't eaten yet. Sure she can!

Nasalhog eyes the grill again and notes the distinct lack of steam, but the presence of flavorful hickory smoke.

"But that was the whole point of a Christmas Beast dinner.", says Wolfyn.

"The roast beast segment of the show!", exclaims Galinfenner.

Esperanza says, "Noooo"

"The best part.", smiles Wolfyn.

Nasalhog squeals loudly and hides behind Esperanza.

Racingnut quietly puts a tazer on nazalhogs derriere

"How about we get one of those creatures from The Restaurant at the End of the Universe that is engineered to want to be eaten.", says Macnbc.

Nasalhog jumps and gores Mac

Macnbc is glad he got the body armor.

Nasalhog dents it up in a mad Nasalhog frenzy.

Racingnut pulls nasalhog off mac and puts him on the grill

"anyone like their meat medium?", asks Racingnut.

Esperanza wonders if her translation skills are needed further? She is out of chapters in the book

Wolfyn tries to herd the Hog towards the grill.

Galinfenner raises his hand

"Will some one de-hair him?", asks Wolfyn.

Fancy says, "Medium's great for me."

Galinfenner helps Wolfyn by grabbing a leg

Esperanza says, "Hey...it took me all morning to get him to look like that"

Macnbc pulls out an electric razor

Nasalhog whines in a manly swine way.

"And you want to dehair him?", asks Esperanza.

"actually, let's do this the quick way", says Macnbc.

Macnbc pulls out the Nair

Satine thinks the swine squeals like a girl!

Macnbc covers Nasalhog in it

Wolfyn cheers.

Racingnut hog ties nasalhog so he cant fight back

Esperanza thwaps you all with the butterfly net

"Makes a lovely sauce too.", says Wolfyn.

Esperanza says, "Now stop that"

Esperanza says, "Somebody has to haul alloys in Milagro"

Nasalhog looks imploringly at his Duchess.

"And lord knows Frenchie isn't gonna do it", says Esperanza.

Nasalhog snorts something that sounds vaugely like "could someone please put me out?"

Macnbc winks and says, "Inform Frenchie that either there will be someone hauling the alloys in Milagro, or we're having French pastries instead."

Racingnut slowly turns up the heat

Esperanza whispers to Nasalhog "Run for your life"

Galinfenner grins

Nasalhog hauls swine butt!

Nasalhog has just left.

Sirglec exclaims, "Rats!"

Wolfyn says, "Darn."

Squirrel chatters excitedly and thinks he had better skedaddle too

Wolfyn throws on a couple of Marsrats instead.

"Ladies and Gentleman, join us in 20 minutes for medium, 30 for well done, and next week when Galin's guest will be Bella herself!", exclaims Wolfyn.

Anseladams packs up his camera and orders Chinese.


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