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EARTHDATE: September 2005

FED FUNNIES

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In the Fed Funnies for September 2005:
POSTS OF THE MONTH
TYPO OF THE MONTH
MOODS OF THE MONTH
T-SHIRTS OF THE MONTH
QUOTES OF THE MONTH
ACT OF THE MONTH


POSTS OF THE MONTH

Stardate: 112394:4905 - Freya: The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.--Walter Bagehot

Stardate: 112394:9389 - Aqueous: When a body is immersed in water, the telephone will always ring. ---Murphys Law---

Stardate: 112397:6743 - Art: I believe in free will. Why should a lawyer make a bundle just so you can tell your friends what to do with your stuff after you've kicked it?

Stardate: 112411:1116 - Freya: Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Stardate: 112415:9734 - Buddy: then my mind must be priceless;)

Stardate: 112412:3344 - Xorith: There's little point in looking for yourself. This is due to the fact that if you were t hide from yourself, surely you'd hide in a place you'll never think to look.

Stardate: 112420:0611 - Freya: In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams

Stardate: 112420:3032 - Gandroid: There are no stupid questions. Are there?

Stardate: 112428:7164 - Gandroid: Every time I go to the doctors I get a jacket, a straight one. It makes me feel special because I get to hug myself.

Stardate: 112428:9067 - Ryuken: QotD:: "Life is too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

Stardate: 112445:3369 - Freya: You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Stardate: 112454:8888 - Nomad: The Surgeon General has determined Fed 2 as A addictive substitute for Real Life. Any one found using Fed commands or language in real life or spending 26 hours a day 8 days a week in Fed should call Fed Anonymous at 1-800-FED-HELP right away.......or 1-900-GET-a-Life

Stardate: 112456:1738 - Gandroid: How do I set my laser printer on stun?

Stardate: 112464:8059 - Xorith: If I knew then what I know now, I couldn't have pleaded ignorance for what I did back then.
Stardate: 112468:6793 - Gandroid: If I knew then what I know now, I could have been confused much earlier.
Stardate: 112468:8522 - Marina: If I knew then what I know now...I'd just keep my fins tucked tight, and my tail thrashing!

Stardate: 112488:8721 - Art: The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Stardate: 112505:1453 - Freya: I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -- August Strindberg

Stardate: 112510:3588 - Squeeky: you know your addicted to fed when.....
Stardate: 112510:7600 - Doggah: when you don't finish your posts?

Stardate: 112523:0830 - Freya: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Stardate: 112524:2383 - Bourbon: Nothing makes a person more productive then The last minute

Stardate: 112574:9221 - Freya: Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else.
Stardate: 112575:0213 - Catspaws: We can test that theory. You can come do mine. :)
Stardate: 112575:0594 - Nomad: Well sorry i don't do litterboxes

Stardate: 112584:3783 - Fraghappy: I was so excited when I found vids for sale at an exchange for 20ig/ton, and then, on the way to sell them, I realized why! They're all copies of The Land Before Time CCCXXVIII.

Stardate: 112585:8360 - Gandolf: Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear to bright until you hear them speak?

Stardate: 112600:8244 - Freya: My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared. -- P. J. Plauger, Computer Language, March 1983

Stardate: 112594:6986 - Jessecka: I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

Stardate: 112629:2045 - Aqueous: Only fools test the depth of water with both feet. ---African Proverb---
Stardate: 112632:1741 - Xorith: Only fools test for oncoming traffic with both legs. -- American Proverb --
Stardate: 112634:9737 - Chelsia: so if I test the depth of water with one foot, and test oncoming traffic with one leg I am not a fool?? kewl ;)
Stardate: 112635:2454 - Catspaws: You're just a one-legged fool with a wet foot.

Stardate: 112629:2045 - Aqueous: Only fools test the depth of water with both feet. ---African Proverb---
Stardate: 112632:1741 - Xorith: Only fools test for oncoming traffic with both legs. -- American Proverb --

Stardate: 112641:9399 - Paul: Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who decided to stand their ground.

Stardate: 112648:8161 - Skywolf: You know you play too much Fed II when you think of your office as being two spaces east of the parking lot.

Stardate: 112653:3487 - Aqueous: do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a freinds head. ---chinese proverb---
Stardate: 112654:5755 - Xorith: Instead, try a semi-automatic weapon to remove that pesky fly from your friend's head. Especially if they still owe you money. --- American Proverb ---

Stardate: 112656:7013 - Squeeky: You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

Stardate: 112663:2863 - Roland: If I knew I was going to have an epiphany I would have dressed for it.

Stardate: 112670:6601 - Djentsch: Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end. Spock

Stardate: 112696:1313 - Freya: What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.

Stardate: 112696:8167 - Ferreri: Just got email on how to lose 150 lbs, if I lost 150 lbs I'd weigh -20, don't think that is a good weight.
Stardate: 112696:9992 - Nightdroid: And if *I* lost 150 lbs, I'd weigh 4,150 which is just about right for a droid

Stardate: 112716:0523 - Aqueous: I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far to conceited. ---Oscar Wilde---

Stardate: 112717:1056 - Vorlar: I am too lazy to be a CEO. Seeing 60 bays full of tquarks makes me want to write a story or do anything other then haul tquarks.

Stardate: 112722:6124 - Gandolf: Remember to use positive reinforcement on yourself, and "I'm not a dork." counts.
Stardate: 112722:9290 - Roland: I always use positive reinforcement - today a defibrillator sounds about right.

Stardate: 112726:0016 - Quantafel: 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, Coincidence? I think Not! -American Proverb

Stardate: 112730:5146 - Freya: I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. -- Noel Coward

Stardate: 112740:6146 - Roselie: Don't make me choose between love and chocolate..

Stardate: 112743:0963 - Freya: It is not true that life is one damn thing after another. It is the same damn thing over and over. - Edna St. Vincent Millay

Stardate: 112755:2115 - Quantafel: If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? - Quant, contemplating a higher reality...

TYPO OF THE MONTH

Spynet review
Hard Cheese And Old Whines has issued a dividend of 1000/share
Stardate: 112704:7102 - Elar: Shareholder - CEO error in your favor! One too many zero's there. Spend it wisely - note it does not represent a change in policy at HCOW. Just big fingers.

MOODS OF THE MONTH

Am I getting older or is the supermarket playing great music!? Roselie
is here.

Feeling like a slave to Armstrong Cuthbert, Faith has just arrived.

Lost the keys to his ship again Random has just arrived.

Being Forced to work 25/8, to keep his Lord in the sty He Wants to become accumstomed to, Sleeperdroid has just arrived.

Swinging in his hammock, enjoying an ocean breeze, just living off his investments, Sleeperagent is here.

If you like nuts, your in luck because' Filbert is here.

to buy a factory or not to buy a factory that is the question Squeeky has left.

Watching the cat who looks like they ate the mouse. (Gotta keep an eye on Catspaws), Ryuken has left.

Lovable, Huggable, and Snuggleable...but only by women... Ryuken has just arrived.

you take the high road and ill take the low road Squeeky is here. Squeeky is carrying a keyring.

No medallion. No keyring. No problem... Ryuken has just arrived.

As Boone stated "please dont let Nomad start sining :)" Nomad has just arrived.

Promising a headless mouse in every pocket, Catspaws has just arrived.

Carrying a sign that says, "Long moods are unfair to my eyes!" Xorith is here.

Working hard at hardly working, Frazzle has left.

Muttering in her sleep, "Shorts have a stockpile..." Munchkin has left.

Sorry she ate the hamster that ran the server wheel, Catspaws has left.

Yawning and dragging her teddy bear, Jessecka has left.

Carrying a sign that reads: "Why am I carrying this stupid sign?", Xorith has just arrived.

New mood coming soon to Djentsch has left.

Wear'n roller skates for faster deliveries Skywolf has left.

Fed's own Kung Fu Ninja Kitty, Catspaws is here.

Cogito ergo spud. - I think, therefore I yam Paul has left.

Smuggling weapons-grade pandemonium, Nightdroid has just arrived.

Another Saturday night and I ani't got nobody, got some money cause I just got paid... Zand is here.

Wearing a t-shirt that says "Willing to be sexually degraded for a woman's enjoyment," Moriarty has left.

Running out to check on his factories, Phlux is here.

Don't make me use UPPERCASE, Roselie is here.

T-SHIRTS OF THE MONTH

Wearing a T-shirt that says. "I'm Immature, Unorganized, Lazy, and Loud, But I'm Fun," Angelfowl has just arrived.

Wearing a shirt that says "I have kidnapped myself if you want me back pay me a million dollars" Angelfowl has left.

Wearing a shirt that says "Lost in thought, Send Search party," Angelfowl has just arrived.

Wearing a T-shirt advertising the lowest share value in Fed, Jolia has left.

Wearing a Tshirt that says, "Bratty but cute, so I'm worth it", Jessecka is here.

Wearing a Tshirt that reads, "How many headless mice can YOU eat?" Catspaws has left.

Wearing a shirt that reads, "The more I drink, the better you look", Jessecka has left.

Wearing a T-shirt that says. "I'm Immature, Unorganized, Lazy, and Loud, But I'm Fun," Angelfowl has just arrived.

Wearing a T-shirt that says, "I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want," Angelfowl has left.

Wearing a T-shirt that says, "I'm a Traitor....Wait I'm a Trader not a Traitor." Angelfowl has just arrived.

Wearing a T-shirt that says, "4 out of 5 voices in my head say go for it!" Jessecka is here.

Wearing a Tshirt that reads "Caution! Off her Meds!" Jessecka has left.

Wearing a T-shirt that reads, "Lounge Lizard and Loving It!", Ferreri has left.

Wearing a shirt saying i ate at L7 did u Nomad has just arrived.

Wearing a T-shirt that says. "Selling little brothers, any one want one," Angelfowl has left.

Promoted to Merchant and all I got was this lousy T-shirt, Doggah is here.

Wearing the blackened, tattered remains of a t-shirt, Monodefuego has left.

Wearing a T-shirt that says "I have Hobbits for Brothers," Angelfowl has left.

wearing a 'Roll the Stones over the hill' concert t-shirt Desertwolf has left.

Wearing a T-shirt that reads, 'Finding Fed Fuzzy and Fun', Ferreri has left.

wearing a t-shirt with the statement 'Drive fast, turn left, and wreck Gordon' Desertwolf has just arrived.

Wearing a t-shirt that says "Mathematicians, beware the Sine of the Beast!", Rasal has left.

wearing a T-shirt that says Mice rule and cats drool Squeeky has left.

Sporting a T-shirt that reads "I hate T-shirts"... Ryuken has just arrived.

Sporting a t-shirt that reads "Lucky in love, unlucky in futures," Phlux has left.

Wearing a T-shirt reading, "Kiss Me, I'm Fuzzy," the loony toon rabbit Roger has just arrived.

Wearing a T-shirt that says "Fed Happens" Redrum is here.

Wearing a T-shirt that says "Happy Lador Day... Time to work," Angelfowl is here.

The back of his t-shirt reads "If you can read this, then the GA tax collector fell off." Phlux is here.

Isn't wearing a t-shirt because he has to continue purchasing Microsoft upgrades. Jdcollins has left.

Wearing a t-shirt that says "I can't read," Phlux has left.

His t-shirt reads, "The face of the devil is me before I've had my coffee," Phlux is here.

Wearing a t-shirt that says, "Eligible Fed Bachelor", Desertwolf is here.

Wearing is favorite "Can Kicking, Olympics 2006" t-shirt, Phlux has left.

Wearing a tshirt that proclaims all women should not wear any shirts..... Nomad has just arrived.

Wearing a tshirt that proclaims her to be "THE Bubble Goddess", Jessecka has left.

Wearing a tshirt that has a finger pointing at you and the words he did it written on it Nomad has just arrived.

Wearing a t-shirt that says "I might be dumb, but I ain't stupid," Phlux has left.

Wearing a T-shirt that says, "I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me there," Angelfowl has left.

QUOTES OF THE MONTH

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Roselie, "Hi, my name is Roselie and I have OCHD, Obsessive Compulsive Hauling Disease. It's nice to meet you all."

newbod quote of the week:
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jdcollins, "do you have to fully pay off the bank loan before buying a new ship?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Nomad, "well u like being in debt"
our comm unit crackles with a message from Raiden, "I don't think anyone does Nomad"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Moriarty, "Yes; they don't do any of those carry over the balance deals like Mitsubishi."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Nomad, "yes u do have to pay it in pull"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jdcollins, "so how long did it take yall to pay yalls off (hourswise)?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Nomad, "no early trade-ins for you here in fed"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Phlux, "There was an explosion in an explosives factory on Titan yesterday. i would say that's ironic, but then again not really."

Bourbon says, "Nah-leans gonna get slammed"
Vorlar says, "It must be something for all that scum and villainy to have to hightail it out of their palace of filth."
Dunavant asks, "what? Are we leaving the lounge??"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "and i will bring fire to rhea"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "But we like it cold on Rhea :P"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "okay, i'll put it on magellan than"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Woah, we don't want any hazardous substances on a space station"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jazir, "Do we need a permit for that?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "fine...earth is good enough, i'll bring woodworking to rhea, they make wood anyways"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "But earth already has fire :P"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "i know this quant...who do you think put it there...mua"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "I say bring it to the lattice, those color coded transfer disks are annoying :P"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "very true"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "i don't want to cause bella extra work though"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "Hmm, I think we can live without Lattice ;)"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "heh, is it me, or does customs place you near the sun on purpose?, Well that makes Sun: 7, Quantafel: 0"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jdcollins, "ya just can't win eh?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "nope =("
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Wildweasel, "It's just you, if I were you I'd take it personal."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jdcollins, "I think ya just like toasting ;)"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Quantafel, "The putting me near the sun part i dont take personal, the part where i got harassed 13 times before i could find a planet i take personally."

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Axarydax, "omg.. i tried to deliver cargo from somewhere and it does not want it delivered"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Axarydax, "can somebody please help me?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Are you on the right planet?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Nightdroid, "Not a day goes by when I don't ask myself that question, Hazed"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Racher, "Are you the original Hazed?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Racher, "the Demi-goddess"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Yes, I am. There is no truth in the rumors that I am an inferior copy."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "The black smudges on my face are not carbon paper."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Cragon, "Fed would never stand for an inferior copy of Hazed."

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Freya, "Various temporally apropriate greetings to all"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Icey, "how long does it usually take for a droid stockpile to replenish itself?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Hazed, "Nightdroid, that sounds like a question for you... how long does it take you to replenish yourself?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Nightdroid, "I never do any work, so I'm always plenished ;)"

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Icey, "where is the wait command for makeing the planets stockpile fill up.."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Nightdroid, "A watched stockpile never fills"

ACT OF THE MONTH

Monodefuego jumps at Djentsch, lifts up his jacket, and gives him a noisy zerbert.
Monodefuego casually walks back to his chair.
Jessecka laughs!!
Djentsch thumps the monkey with an I-beam
Flying out the window, Monodefuego has left.
Djentsch chuckles
Brushing himself off, Monodefuego has just arrived.
Monodefuego says, "It was worth it."
Djentsch says, "that'll teach ya"
Djentsch thumps the monkey with an I-beam
Flying out the window, again, Monodefuego has left.
Djentsch says, "and that was for good measure."
Staggering slightly and having trouble staying perfectly upright, Monodefuego has just arrived.


If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, Month or Year, send them to feedback@ibgames.com.


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