WEB FED AWARD WINNING PLANET:
SCOUTRANCH - OVERLORD NIMAT

Reviewed on January 28, 2001

At the orbit of Scoutranch – once we got back to the orbit again – I found that the dump was actually intended for dumpers instead of curious canines. Explorers were directed to the nearby orbit, and felines to the arena training grounds where they'd hopefully be caught in the crossfire.

That wasn't my fault; the Aibo said that.

I assumed Scoutranch would be a walk in the park for this hound as soon as we stumbled onto the landing pad. Nimat had taken artifacts and buildings from 20th century Scout Camps and scenic areas, relocated them on his planet, and opened up the place for tourists and campers. What camp wouldn't want a dog as their mascot? And what dog wouldn't make a perfect Scout?

Lodges just off the landing pad provided all the basic services one would find in a well-run camp. Indeed, had you visited some of those old camps on Earth you might have been in these very buildings; the general store once stood as the trading post in Camp Tahosa and the dining hall hailed from Camp Chris Dobbins in Colorado! (Thankfully, the original cook staff was left behind on Earth.) A stroll down one of the side paths led to the shooting range and Scoutcraft row, where the Scouts crafted model spaceships and entertained visitors with their trademark bad acting in camp skits.

Next we tried the lake trail, finding rocks to climb, trails to explore, a swamp to wade, canoeing and swimming in the lake, and a maze of caverns that tested our puzzling skills a bit. This was where we also got to check over our qualifications as Scouts. I still don't quite understand what happened here. I read the signs along the way and thought I fulfilled every requirement.

A Scout is Trustworthy: I get my articles in when they're due! Except for that time in May. And the couple weeks in June. And that time the poodle came around in September. And last week was Aibo's fault.

A Scout is Reverent: Well, I'm irreverent, so at least I have most of the word in there. Same goes for obedient and courteous.

A Scout is Helpful: I helped all those commanders find the loan sharks at Transuranics!

Friendly: I lick cats on occasion, how friendlier can you get? Never mind what I licked before the cat.

Kind and Cheerful: I consider it a kindness to wake everyone up early on weekends with my cheerful ‘WoofWoofWoof!'

Loyal: I am a dog, it is in my genes to be loyal. I never abandoned that little cur on Discworld, there were just other things on my mind and I didn't have a chance to get back to her until the pups were nearly grown.

Thrifty: I can't help but be thrifty; a Senator doesn't carry groats.

Brave: I die nearly every time I explore. Smart isn't a requirement.

Clean: Um, well, er… let's get on with the rest of the review.

Scoutranch is a nicely scripted planet with only a few errors to brave. The theme is well carried out throughout the planet, the humor light and entertaining, and the dangers minimal for those that watch for the warnings.

However, I'd not trust the administration of this system. The last night of camp found us gathered around the Campfire Ring - roasting marshmallows and singing camp songs, and waiting for the presentation of honors. I was astounded to find that instead of the Best Camper Award (Aibo got that), I was stripped of all my merit badges and given a permanent post as Junkyard Dog. There must have been some mix-up.

I'm sure there wasn't a mix-up about Scoutranch. Nimat left the gathering with a Carpenter Award clutched in his hands.

Congratulations Nimat, and well done!


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