WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS
Earthdate June 2001


INSIDE SCOOP


FED FUNNIES


OFFICIAL NEWS
by Hazed


What was in June 2001's Official News:

THE MONTH IN BRIEF
THE MYSTERY PART
FROM THE POSTBAG: TRADING TO STARBASE1
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR NEW PLANET OWNERS
WHEN THE NET FALLS APART
VIOLENCE AGAINST COMPUTERS: IF THIS GOES ON...
THE HOME IS A DANGEROUS PLACE

THE MONTH IN BRIEF

IB started a project to release the source code for some of its utility programs under the GNU General Public Licence. The first project to be released was a mapping program for Age of Adventure. Find it at http://www.ibgames.net/stuff/opensource/index.html.

We ran a little competition on the web site to identify a mystery part which was left over after we moved our computers. See the article below for people's guesses, the answer, and where you can look at the mystery part for yourself!

Alan wrote an article about why Internet voting is not a good idea (from a technical point of view, at least). Read it at http://www.ibgames.net/alan/society/election.html.

Out in the real world, we celebrated the fiftieth birthday of the world's first commercial computer - UNIVAC 1; and anyone in Africa had a chance to see a total eclipse of the sun.

THE MYSTERY PART

Last week we published a photo of a mysterious spare part that was left over after we installed a new server onto our network, and we asked for suggestions as to what the part was. If you missed this, you can see a picture of the mystery part at http://www.ibgames.net/stuff/photos/part.html.

Thanks to everyone who mailed in ideas about the purpose and function of this strange thingamajig. We're giving away a Fed t-shirt to the answer that was closest to the truth, and another to the idea we liked the best.

So first: what is the damn thing, anyway? Our technical expert Nightdroid had this to say:

"Just for the record, what this part *actually* is, is a bracket used to support full-length PCI cards when installed in certain Dell servers. One end of the card is normally securely fastened to the back of the case anyway, and this bracket just holds onto the other end since it's dangerously wobbly when plugged into a riser card."

Most people could see the bracket was a mounting bracket of some kind, but nobody guessed exactly what the bracket was intended to fix to what. Most thought it was intended to allow the whole server to be slid in and out of the rack for easy access.

Only one person considered it might be to fit a smaller component into the computer. Sargon thought it might mount a power supply or something similar. Wrong, but closer than everyone else, so he gets a t-shirt.

When it comes to the idea we liked the best, it was a toss-up between two suggestions:

Triton - it could be just an old fashioned can opener... who know?

Macnbc - it's the thermostat off an old radiator unit! Yep, your computers definitely needed an upgrade all right.

We couldn't pick between both of these answers, so rather than cutting a t-shirt in half and sending the front to Triton and the back to Macnbc, we are sending them one whole t-shirt each.

FROM THE POSTBAG: TRADING TO STARBASE1

Readers of the Federation Chronicle continue to send me letters expecting me to solve all their problems. What do they think I am, an agony aunt? Let me tell you, being a demi-goddess is a full-time job - no, more than full time, it's time-and-half. I don't have time to advise you on how to get rid of the pimples left after a bout of Sirian Pox; nor can I help you with those embarrassing personal problems that are messing up your love life.

That's not to say I want you to stop sending the letters, of course - NewsDroids need a good laugh as much as the next man... erm... being... droid... whatever - and your missives are always passed eagerly around the Federation Chronicle office.

But just occasionally, I get a letter that I can answer, so I print it in the Chronicle for the enlightenment and edification of all our readers. Here's one we received recently:

Dear Hazed

Is there a way to land on Starbase1 with a ship full of goods?

Qaxlor

Anyone who has visited Arena Space knows there is no way to land on Starbase1 at all, with a full or empty cargo hold. There's only two ways to visit Ming's (now uninhabited) death star: teleportation, and death. Of course, the former is only available to those with extra-strength teleporters, such as my demi-divine self, so for mere mortals that just leaves the ugly and painful way. Dying in Arena space means a disintegrating ship, so anything in the hold isn't going to make it safely through the ordeal.

Attempting to secrete small amounts of leisure goods in your pockets won't work, either, since clothes disintegrate along with your ship.

So that just leaves one way: bribery. Offer me a big enough bribe, and I may be willing to use my demi-goddess powers to transport your cargo to Starbase1. Fat lot of good it would do you though, because I'd just sell it and pocket the proceeds!

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR NEW PLANET OWNERS

Hello Squire [insert name of new PO here],

And welcome to the wonderful world of being a planet owner. Congratulations on your brand new world, [insert name of new planet here]. I am sure you are in for many years of pleasure and profit as you embark on your career as a PO.

What you may not know, Squire [insert name of new PO here], is how the Federation Chronicle can benefit you as a new planet owner. The planet affairs section of our newspaper can help bring visitors to your planet, for trade and profit, and for tourism and prestige. Sounds peachy, doesn't it? I bet you'd like to know how!

Well, we can help you in two ways. First off, when your planet is first onlined, our trained operative Ashkellion will visit your world to see what kind of a place it is, and give it a brief mention in the Chronicle. This announcement will serve to inform the citizens of the Galaxy that your world [insert name of new planet here] is now open for trade, and that you, [insert name of new PO here], are now a Squire.

But that's not all. We can do so much more for you. If you're the kind of Squire that likes to customize your planet, not happy with a standard water or rock mini - and let's face it, does the Galaxy really need any more beach planets? - then once you have completed your construction works, you can request a full review from the roving review dog, the Dishonourable Alsatian. The Canine Senator will explore your planet thoroughly and write up a report which will be published in the Federation Chronicle. And what's more, if your world meets his expectations, he'll leave behind one of his special awards.

But wait - can you believe that there's even more? It's true! In a brand new initiative, if you do win one of Alsatian's awards, you will also receive a unique, one-of-a-kind, hand-tooled certificate proclaiming your expertise in the field of planetary design. Think how impressed all your friends will be, Squire [insert name of new PO here], when they see the certificate hanging on your wall and realise that your planet [insert name of new planet here] has won an award.

So don't delay! As soon as you've given your planet one last proof-read, fire off your review request to SavageAlsatian@aol.com, and you could win an award.

WHEN THE NET FALLS APART

People who are new to the wonderful world of comms often ask, "Who owns the Internet?" They are amazed to be told that nobody owns it; it is just a collection of individual bits that have agreements to connect to each other. This lack of overall control of the backbones that make up the net makes the whole arrangement seem very precarious. But it does work.

Well, mostly, it works. But last week two large stretches of the Internet suddenly turned invisible to each other. Cable & Wireless and the ailing PSINet had a dispute, and a critical link between the two networks was cut. This blocked some companies from seeing their own web sites, and stalled email between thousands of sources.

Since the two parties are in the top ten networks in the US, this was a serious blockage on the information superhighway. It was the equivalent of all roads linking, say, Los Angeles and San Francisco suddenly being closed, so it was absolutely impossible to get from one city to the other, no matter how long a way round you tried to take. You can't get there from here!

This dispute lasted less than a week, and the link between the two networks was restored. But that it was cut at all indicates just how fragile the net is, being a connection of individual private networks which are largely unregulated.

The dispute that caused this cut stemmed from an arrangement used by many of the networks that make up the Internet. It's called "peering", in which two networks agree to swap traffic back and forth without charge. In this case, Cable & Wireless said that PSINet, which has been struggling for a while, no longer had enough traffic to make the relationship worthwhile. Although the two patched up their differences, at least enough to get the two networks visible to each other again, it does highlight just what a fragile thing the Internet really is.

After all, the people who provide the pipes and links on the net are not in it for charity, and they aren't going to keep on doing it if it's not cost effective. We've all got used to free, or at least very cheap, net access - but someone, somewhere, is paying for it, and they may not be willing to go on doing that forever.

VIOLENCE AGAINST COMPUTERS: IF THIS GOES ON...

A survey by British PC manufacturer Novatech has revealed that one in every four computers has been physically attacked by its owner. Further research reveals that its not just a British phenomenon - computers are being attacked all around the world. People frustrated at buggy software and crashing computers are resorting to violence to relieve their tension. Keyboards get broken when people slam fists into them, and hard disk die when the computer is slapped or otherwise jolted.

I couldn't help wondering what this might lead to. With computers getting more and more powerful, and software more and more helpful, we are heading towards the day when artificial intelligence may start to appear. Computers with a personality have long been a staple of science fiction books and films. Will people be more, or less, likely to abuse the hardware when it has some of the characteristics of a real person?

Probably if Microsoft has anything to do with programming the personality, it will be as irritating as clippy the paperclip, who really does deserve a good slap!

So what next? Will violence against computers become frowned upon? Will the People for Ethical Treatment of Artificial Intelligences (PETAI) campaign for computer rights? Perhaps the sale of computers will be regulated, and only those who are fit and responsible people will be allowed to own one... wonder what that will mean for Fed players? Perhaps best not to speculate!

THE HOME IS A DANGEROUS PLACE

Every year, a British government report is published that provides much hilarity, not to mention amazement. It's called the Home and Leisure Accident Surveillance System, and it gives figures for accidents reported by people admitted to a sample group of British hospitals, and then gives extrapolated estimates for the country as a whole.

This sober, sensible, and downright useful report tells us some shocking things. Did you know that trousers - or pants, as the Americans call them - are a major danger? 5,945 people were hospitalized after accidents involving trousers.

That's nothing to the dangers of socks and tights (hose), which caused over ten thousand accidents.

And how about vegetables? 13,132 accidents were caused by vegetables.

The report goes on with ludicrous statistic after hilarious total. You just wonder what on earth people were doing with their trousers/vegetables/bean bags/false teeth and so on to cause so many accidents. The mind boggles!

And you thought space was dangerous?


INSIDE SCOOP


FED FUNNIES


HOME

INFORMATION

HELP

FEDERATION

AGE OF
ADVENTURE

BARBAROSSA

ODDS &
ENDS

SEND
EMAIL