Web Fed News Yearbooks - March 2003

THE MONTH IN BRIEF

March was a quiet month, not helped by the fact that your favorite demi-goddess was ill with some kind of space plague, or Martian flu, or something, for a couple of weeks.

FROM THE POSTBAG: 5000 GAMES

We here at the Federation Chronicle bunker may have been sealing up all the cracks with plastic sheeting and duct tapes, but we still allow the postman to bring us letters from you, our public.

This week Ibunyc wrote us this:

Heya! I'm going to be playing my 5000th game soon... thought it would be cool if you could mention it in the news or something... watcha think?

Well, 5000 games played does seem like an enormous number. Even the boss, Hazed, has only played 4,519 at the time of writing this article. So yes, it seems worthy of mention in the Chronicle, if only to throw out a challenge - have you played more games? If you have, send a capture of your score to feedback@ibgames.com.

Take note - this is not a call for players to frantically log themselves off and on the game using macros or something. The SpyNet Notices would get so annoying!

IBUNYC'S RECORD SMASHED

It seems Ibunyc's "nearly 5,000" games played isn't a record after all. We've received an email from someone who has exceeded it by two hundred or so. Step forward and take a bow, Duke Ops, whose score earlier in the week showed he had played 5,197 games.

But even this pales into insignificance when you compare it to Our Illustrious Leader's total. As you would expect, the creator of the universe has notched up an awesome number of games: 6,230 to be precise.

Beat that!

SHOCK DDs HIT FIGHTING EVENTS

Fed DataSpace was rocked this week by the tragic DDs of not one, but two contestants in Fed's popular fighting events.

First to go was Madeline, who during Sunday's Deuces Wild event mistyped the command when she reinsured after dying during round three, so that when her team lost the next round her death proved to be a lot more final than expected.

Then during Friday's new event, Hell's Fury, Skeletor suffered the safe fate - typing "unsure me" instead of "insure me", and going on to die the double death.

Can it be coincidence that both these tragedies happened after Galinfenner had taken over the running of the Fed events?

Shocked and stunned innocent bystanders told us how they had been affected by the incidents. A sobbing Urissa said, "Skeletor and I were going to be fedwed when he made baron... again! Now we have to wait and wait again. We met on our first day in fed and a quirky conversation turned into a bet that we would fedwed when the first one made baron/baroness. That was when he was Gangleri, then Skeletor and I were going to get fedwed when he made baron, he was on the last build to baron, when he typo'ed. Again. Now Fishsticks will have to win my heart and propose if there to be a fed wedding."

Meanwhile Gwarrior reported on the response to Madline's untimely death. "I was upset when they announced that Made had DDed," he said. "Everyone on channel 10 had a collective sigh and a moment of silence until she came back, then there was an onrush of fac offers."

Ambulance-chasing lawyer scum were quick to offer their services to those whose lives were shattered by witnesses the tragedies. When Gwarrior said how sad he was that he had been unable to offer the returning Madline any factories, Wolfyn announced that she had been appointed his personal injury attorney. "Pain and suffering, etc. 50% of any recovery," she stated, as she coached her new client:

Your comm unit relays a message from Wolfyn, "You weren't sad, Gw. You were STRICKEN."
Your comm unit relays a message from Gwarrior, "yeah thats it."
Your comm unit relays a message from Gwarrior, "stricken with grief."
Your comm unit relays a message from Wolfyn, "Unable to function for weeks, right?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Gwarrior, "well days maybe since it happened Sunday."
Your comm unit relays a message from Wolfyn, "Weeks, we have to look to the future."
Your comm unit relays a message from Gwarrior, "I may not be able to function for weeks."

So what of Galinfenner's possible involvement in the DDs of these two innocent fighters? Could he have distracted them both at the crucial moment of their reinsuring, by flashing his kilt at them, thus causing their fingers to spasm in shock and type the wrong command?

And if so, was it deliberate? What possible motive could he have for killing off some of Fed's top fighters? Onlookers suggested the following reasons:

Your comm unit relays a message from Gwarrior, "he thought the events were too boring."
Your comm unit relays a message from Gwarrior, "he wanted to add some suspense."
Your comm unit relays a message from Wolfyn, "He's just mean."

Or could there be some more sinister link between Galin and his two victims, some link that involves sexual favors, violence and blackmail?

The returned Madeline and the renamed Fishsticks (previously Skeletor) were not commenting. Perhaps they were too intimidated by the evil Galinfenner, and did not want to invite a repeat of his brutish scare tactics?

These questions deserve to be answered, and the Federation Chronicle's top investigative droids will not rest until we have found out the facts behind these hideous crimes. Or, failing that, made up something plausible.

OFFICIAL EVENTS ON PLAYER PLANETS

Some official events, such as the bar crawls run by Uniquette, Galinfenner and Felina, are held on player planets, rather than specially designed planets. As with all official events, we want them to be open to all players. But this can cause a problem if the Duke of the duchy has issued any bans against players, prohibiting them from entering the duchy.

So, here's a new ruling. For the duration of the event, players who are banned from the duchy are allowed to attend the event. However, they are not allowed to go to other planets in the duchy, or to do any trading in the duchy - the relaxation of the ban is only to allow them to go to the official event, that's all.

If you are the PO of a planet that is going to be used for an official event, make sure your Duke knows about it, so he or she will be aware that banned players may be setting foot in the duchy.

FROM THE POSTBAG: PORTING INTO CDs

Sometimes I have to intervene directly in the affairs of the droids who labor day and night in the Chronicle HQ, answering your queries. Usually I just let them get on with their jobs, churning out answers that are, if not correct, then at least plausible. But then one of them gets something so wrong that I am impelled to step in and correct matters.

This happened a few days ago. A letter was received, asking:

"Why can't I teleport into Chez Diesel?"

A routine query, to which one of the junior newsdroids scribbled the following reply:

"The restriction on teleporting into the bar popularly known as the Social Centre of the Solar System was a security measure put in to stop annoying players from harassing staff."

And this answer was about to be sent out when I happened to wander past on my way to a very important appointment with my manicurist. (I intended to have my finger and toenails filed into sharp points and painted gold.) I thought this inaccuracy was just a bit much even for the Chronicle, so I hauled the droid away from the workstation and sat down to give the correct reason.

You cannot teleport into any location that has an event on it, and the doorman at CDs who check you are wearing trendy clothes and bounce you out if you are not counts as an event - albeit a complex event that you wouldn't be able to put on your planet. But this same restriction does apply to player planets; if you've put a stam-refreshing event on your exchange, you may have noticed you can't port into it.

Those in the know, of course, simply teleport to the street outside CDs and then walk up the steps. That's Sol 235, UP.

REAL LIFE NEWS: HOW LONG IS A SECOND?

Speaking of clocks, do you know what the exact definition of a second is? After all, something, somewhere has to be the benchmark by which all clocks can be set. Well, here is the official definition:

The time equal to the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium-133 atom

Hmmm. I have to admit, I'm none the wiser for knowing that!