WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS
Earthdate May 2003


INSIDE SCOOP


FED FUNNIES


OFFICIAL NEWS
by Hazed


What was in May 2003's Official News:

THE FEDIQUETTE OF SPYBEAMS
THE FEDIQUETTE OF ALTS
A NEW WAY TO SETTLE DISPUTES
PHONE NUMBERS IN FED
FROM THE POSTBAG: PAINTING YOUR SPACESHIP
REAL LIFE NEWS: CONFUSING SIX WITH INFINITY
REAL LIFE NEWS: BABY'S CRIES UPSET AIRCRAFT LANDING

THE FEDIQUETTE OF SPYBEAMS

Spybeams are wonderful things that can give you hours of entertainment. But they are powerful tools, and as such can be misused. It's possible to wreak havoc, annoy other players, and make lives miserable using a spybeam.

If you are determined to be unpleasant then there's not a lot I can say that will convince you to behave otherwise. But often, people just don't realise the effect their behavior has. The havoc is created by accident - through thoughtlessness, not malice.

This article about the etiquette of spybeams talks about some of the ways you can avoid annoying others with your spybeam.


Using Your Beam

There's nothing wrong with using your spybeam to watch others - that is, after all, what it's for. The problems are related to what you do with the information you spy.

Remember that spybeams have an "off" switch. If you don't like what you see, turn off your beam. If you see someone being rude about you, that's just too bad - eavesdroppers seldom see anything good. Even if you see someone breaking the rules, swearing the most terrible curses, you can't do anything except avert your eyes by typing SPY OFF - things seen over the spybeam do not count.

Repeating what you see on the spybeam to your friends, or broadcasting it on the comms, can be very amusing. It can also be very cruel. Before you do it, think about whether the person whose words or actions you are repeating really deserves to be held up to ridicule.

It you take a log of something you see on the spybeam, it's not necessarily a good idea to circulate the log. Of course, sometimes people do things in Fed knowing full well they are being spied - they put on a show, intending to entertain the watchers. In that case, sending the log to someone who may have missed it simply increases their audience. But sending out logs which show somebody doing something dumb, or which show him or her in a bad light, is unpleasant.

If you are spying a conversation, don't start TBing one of the participants with your comments. If you were meant to be part of the conversation, you would have been invited. No matter how witty a comment you have to make; no matter that you want to correct a mistake in something that has been said; butting in is rude.

In short, before you do something with the information you have spied, think about how you would like it if someone did it to you.


Being Spied

Oh yes, there's an etiquette to being spied, too!

Remember that there is no privacy in Fed. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, someone may be spying on you - or if not on you, on someone else in the room with you. Remember that, and live with it.

Therefore, Fed is not the place for secret conversations. If you really, really want something to stay private, use IMs or something.

However, knowing that you are probably being spied upon, do not take advantage of that fact to "leak" information that other people have given you in confidence.

And don't say insulting things to deliberately annoy the people you know are watching. That's just childish.


Conclusion

Try to be sensitive about what you do when using a spybeam, or being spied. Think about other people's feelings. Show some courtesy. In short, do as you would be done by!

THE FEDIQUETTE OF ALTS

Before AOL Fed, it was pretty much unknown for people to have alts in Fed. Your Fed character was tied to your account on whatever system Fed was running on (Compunet, GEnie, etc) so the only way to have more than one Fed character was to set up another account - and that was expensive.

Alts did not become an issue until Fed arrived on AOL. Suddenly, having five screen names on your account meant it was possible to have five different characters in Fed - and people started to take advantage of that capability to set up alternate characters, or alts. Of course, you could still only log one character into the game at a time - unless, once again, you had a second account.

And then Fed moved to the web, and it was possible to set up as many characters as you liked, and have them all logged on at once. This was the beginning of an alt population explosion.

This article talks about some of the etiquette issues brought up by the use of alts.


Who's Who?

Before I talk about the etiquette of actually using alts, there's a number of issues to do with the way other players react to alts.

Some people get quite obsessed about alts. They spend their time trying to work out who is an alt of whom, and often accuse people of being alts when they are not. Don't get carried away trying to identify the "real person" behind every Fed character - what does it matter? Endlessly poking and prying at a new player to find out who they are, or accusing them of being an alt of someone, will annoy them. If they are a genuine new player, they are not going to get a very good impression of Fed!

If you do know the identity of a player's alt, don't blab it. If the alt belongs to a friend of yours, don't assume that because you know who it is, everybody does. Your friend may have told you about her secret identity in confidence, expecting you to keep it secret.

If you find out an alt's identity by accident, don't go running to Channel 9 and broadcast your announcement to all and sundry. There might be good reasons why the player behind the characters doesn't want her identity to be known.


Being an Alt

There's lots of reasons to want more than one Fed character. You might simply want to put more than one planet on show - I have three alts whose sole purpose is to act as POs for my planets, Deep, Scratchwood and Cabbage.

Maybe you like the idea of role-playing a different kind of character from your main Fed character. In that case, you may well want to keep your identity secret.

But it is actually quite hard to behave in a sufficiently different manner that people cannot figure out who you are. Everyone has styles and mannerisms that, even when all you display are words typed onto the screen, can identify you to people who know the "other" you. So be prepared for people figuring out who you are.

I have said there are a number of reasons for people to want to set up an alt (or two, or three...). Some of those reasons are not so innocent as simply wanting to role-play. Sometimes, alts can be used as part of feuds and disputes. It is not unknown for someone to set up an alt, pretend to be a new player, and hook up with one of the duchies on the opposing side of the feud, in order to fool the enemy into giving away secrets. Lying to someone about your identity in order to cause them harm is not just bad manners; it is extremely unpleasant.


Using Alts to Break Restrictions

Using an alt to get around a restriction which has been placed upon you will get you into trouble. Although under normal circumstances duchy bans only apply to individual characters and have to be issued separately to each alt, if you set up alts with the sole purpose of flouting a ban, then I will make an exception and extend the duchy ban to cover any character you use.

Similarly, if you have been told not to talk to someone because they complain you have harassed them, using an alt to get around that injunction will get you into trouble.

And setting up an alt so you can break the rules is not only going to get the alt locked out of Fed, it may get your main character locked, too.

Players may have to guess who is an alt of whom, but management have more reliable methods - and we will find out who you are!


Conclusion

Alts are a part of Fed DataSpace now and they won't go away. There's nothing wrong with them, either. Just don't get too obsessed with them, and don't use them to break the rules.


Footnote

While I was collecting comments about what issues of etiquette should be covered in this article, I received an email raising a matter which is more about sanity than about etiquette. The names have been changed, to protect the weird:

One other thing I found is that alts should avoid carry on conversations with each other; it can lead to people thinking you are very very very strange.

Your comm unit relays a message from Joe, "Not that this was from personal experiences"
Your comm unit relays a message from Altofjoe, "Yes, it was"
Your comm unit relays a message from Joe, "No it wasn't"
Your comm unit relays a message from Altofjoe, "Yes it was"
Your comm unit relays a message from Joe, "Just remember I created you and I can DD you"

Yes indeed. Very, very strange!

A NEW WAY TO SETTLE DISPUTES

I had a dream...

Taking the new event Duchy Family Feud and mixing it up with one of the fierce fighting events, I dreamt of a new method for settling those annoying disputes between players - head to head with TLs blazing! This could be a great alternative to duchy bans, and a new way to respond to complaints of harassment.

For minor disputes, the shoot-out could be to first blood (or first death), with the loser having to do without his or her comm unit for a week.

But for those really serious feuds, the ones where opposing players seem to think "this universe ain't big enough for the both of us", the contest would have to be to the death-death. This would give enemies the chance to purge the Galaxy of the presence of their nemeses!

Well, it sounds like a good idea to me - it would certainly cut down on my workload...!

I can dream, can't I?

PHONE NUMBERS IN FED

Just as we don't allow you to post URLs on the bar board, so we also don't allow you to give out phone numbers by posting them on the bar board, or broadcasting them on the comms - even if it's your own phone number. If you really want someone else to have your phone number, send it to them by TB or outside Fed in an IM or email; don't publish it so anyone can see it.

FROM THE POSTBAG: PAINTING YOUR SPACESHIP

Once more, a puzzled Fedders turns to the ultimate source of knowledge in Fed for an answer. But when Bella just shrugs vaguely, they are forced to direct their question to a less authoritative, but at least more responsive, organisation: the Federation Chronicle and its dedicated team of newsdroids.

The question we have received this week touches on an activity that far too few people in Fed actually pursue: painting their ships. Take a look at any landing pad and marvel at the ranks of manky grey ships. It seems most people can't be bothered to design the decor of their vessels, but are content to leave it in the state in which it came off the production line.

But someone cares about painting ships, and that someone asks us this question:

How is it you can paint your ship from the inside, and in space?

Well, clearly, this questioner has never heard of automation. Nor robot technology. Does he really think people pick up a paintbrush and clamber all over the outside of their hull, physically drawing their chosen design on the ship themselves, by hand (or equivalent appendage)?

No, not at all. Like many functions in Fed (such as this very article which you are reading), robots are involved. Truly, if you want to get anything done, call for a droid; they are faster, better and more efficient. Not to mention cheaper. And they don't require endless cups of tea.

Droids in Fed DataSpace tend to specialise: waitdroids serve you drinks and pizzas, newsdroids write for the Chronicle, and Diesel's sexdroids... well, let's not go there. So ship painting is done by paintdroids. These are small creatures, with many articulated limbs. Some of the limbs act as legs, allowing the droid to clamber all over the outside of a ship. Some have rocket attachments, which can be fired to help the droid propel itself around when in space. Some have magnetic ends, so the droid can anchor itself even when the ship is being manoeuvred. But four of the limbs are to actually do the business - they are tipped with paint-sprayers, which take paint from four reservoirs inside the droid. The four ink colors (black, yellow, cyan and magenta) can be combined to produce any color; therefore any design can be inscribed onto the hull.

But that's not all. Painting a ship doesn't just involve paint; sometimes different textures, even sculptures, are required in order to realise the weird and wonderful designs that can result from the, frankly, somewhat warped brain of your average Fedder. So as well as the paintdroids, there are more specialised droids that can produce, from their portable warehouses, whatever substance is required, in whatever shape it is required, and glue it onto your hull.

So when you decide to paint your spaceship, you don't actually do the painting yourself. You don't have to lift a finger (or equivalent) - it's all done by us machines. Where would the universe be without us?

REAL LIFE NEWS: CONFUSING SIX WITH INFINITY

You have probably heard the claim that an infinite number of monkeys sitting at an infinite number of typewriters could, given enough time, type out the complete works of Shakespeare. It is meant to illustrate that all things are possible, eventually. It's been adapted with great comic effect by many people, including Douglas Adams for his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Now some students and lecturers from the University of Plymouth, in south-west England, claim they have proved it won't ever happen. In a bizarre experiment they put a single computer in a monkey enclosure at the local zoo, and let the six monkeys use it for a month. Result: no Shakespeare, no recognisable words of any kind, just five pages of text which consisted mainly of the letter "S", and a broken computer with excrement all over it.

This, the experimenters say, is proof that the "infinite monkeys" theory is flawed.

I beg to differ - it's proof that these students and lecturers don't understand what "infinite" means!

REAL LIFE NEWS: BABY'S CRIES UPSET AIRCRAFT LANDING

In another story about technology having an unintended effect, pilots flying into Luton airport, to the north of London, England, reported hearing a baby crying over their radios instead of instructions from air traffic controllers.

It turned out a baby monitor in a house on the approach path was being picked up by the planes' radios. The owner of the overly-loud baby monitor was shocked when a gang of engineers armed with an aerial and a receiver knocked on her door and said the interference had been traced to that house.

The company that made the baby monitor provided her with a new one, which presumably transmitted on a different frequency. But the device must have had some power to cause this problem!


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