WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS
Earthdate August 2003


OFFICIAL NEWS


FED FUNNIES


INSIDE SCOOP


What was in August 2003's Inside Scoop:

TOP TEN REASONS YOU'LL NEVER GET PAST SQUIRE
THE BUZZ
CONTEMPLATIONS – Part I
ALSATIAN'S ARTWORK
THE BUZZ
INTERPRETATIONS – Part II
THE BUZZ
ESCALATION – Part III
THE BUZZ
INVOCATION - Part IV

TOP TEN REASONS YOU'LL NEVER GET PAST SQUIRE
by Gergall

10. You can't find your exchange.

9. Preparing for the Martian invasions with all Security builds.

8. Declared war on Wolfy in hopes of stimulating the economy.

7. Primary income source is insurance sales... to yourself.

6. Relying on Milk Runs to haul out your excess commods.

5. Starbase1 has more Tungsten Tourist Trap Trophies than you.

4. You're trying out every single duchy before you decide which one is best for you.

3. ...and the Dukes offer to pay you to Secede and never come back!

2. Just sold 6 Arts Facs to Merchant NeverLogsOff, CEO of Never Promote Again, Inc.

And the number one reason you'll never get past Squire:

1. You tried to corner the Gas market by hauling in 500k tons.

THE BUZZ
MysteryNewsDroid@Hotmail.com

Has Felina lost her edge? Or just her whip?

Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "why do they keep taking my planet offline????"
Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "{{Paladin}}"
Your comm unit relays a message from Again, "{{{{{{Paly!}}}}}}}"
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "heya Fishy."
Your comm unit relays a message from Sistertwo, "((Paladin)) :)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Zyphr, "Paly!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "cuz you're gone too long.. do you have a note?;)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "uhhhh... my cat ate it."
Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "likely story!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "prove it!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Legolas, "So Felina still busts everyones butts."
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "well, we let her think that... :::ducks:::"
Your comm unit relays a message from Zyphr, "Oy vey!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Fishsticks, "Oy cheese!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "lol pretty brave statement;)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "well, you wouldn't do anything to me... I'm never here.. lol. and, you miss me too much to punish me, right?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "hmmmmmmm...."
Your comm unit relays a message from Zyphr, "::watches with amusement::"
Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "miss you is kind of a strong statement, but... you did go to the trouble of thinking up an excuse..."
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "see!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Again, "No!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Paladin, "well, Again..you can punish me later."
Your comm unit relays a message from Again, "Promise? ;)"

Fear struck deep into the heart of one of the Federation's newest Dukes. This particular Duke had been campaigning hard for people to join his new duchy, overlooking friendships and alliances for planet links. He decided he had stolen enough from his fellow Ducal types and decided to go for the planets in Sol.

"Why not try taking some planets from Sol?", asks Halcyon.
"Because none of them are ever on!", exclaims Fishsticks.
Halcyon winks and says, "I'm sure Ming wouldn't mind."
Tristane laughs.
"And I don't know who to see about Venus, anyway", says Fishsticks with a wink.
Halcyon grins
Tristane says, "Venus...just take Earth...leave the moon.."
"Earth is useless.", says Halcyon with a wink. "All it produces is red tape."
Tristane says, "So...it would be fun for the newbies to start in your duchy... And Red tape could be fun.....if you used it right..."
Zyphr wants Timber...
Halcyon has given Fishsticks a passionate kiss!
Zyphr ponders how to get him...
"Don't even touch that damn planet!", exclaims Fishsticks. "Stealing my ambassador would be an act of war, yanno."
Zyphr starts making her plans for Timber...
Halcyon smiles, "Uh oh."
Zyphr smiles sweetly...
Ming the Merciless has just appeared.
Ming the Merciless has just disappeared.
Halcyon laughs
Fishsticks blinks, "Fishsticks asks, "What in hell was Ming doing here?"
Tristane laughs.
Halcyon shrugs
Tristane says, "He knew you wanted his planets.."
Zyphr laughs at Tristane!
Tristane laughs.
Halcyon grins
Fishsticks exclaims, "Yeah, but still......Ming!"
"I feel like I just saw Elvis!", exclaims Fishsticks.
Tristane rolls.
Zyphr exclaims, "you should be happy he didn't flog you!"
"Watch yor step, Fishy...I've seen what Ming can do what he's upset.", says Halcyon.
Halcyon shudders at the memory.
Zyphr nods and grimaces...

Luckily Ming left without inflicting any real harm, but it was apparent he was sending out a warning!

Czarina Zyphr performed yet another wedding this week on channel 9. She first married Madonnaboi and Halcyon. Then married Madonnaboi and Halcyon to Bunytales! Unfortunately, soon thereafter, Madonnaboi was lamenting his lost engagement to Phedre and complaining about how he was left out of everything. At press time, Madonnaboi was petitioning for a divorce from Halcyon and Bunytales. Are you as confused as I am?

A new service is being offered throughout the multiverse. Much like Dear Abby, this service offers advice to the willing and unwilling alike. Pointers from Paly are insightful suggestions to make your life less complicated and more fulfilling. If you have questions for Paly, please send them to MysteryNewsDroid@hotmail.com and both the questions and answers will be answered in a timely manner. Here's a sample of his sage advice:

Dear Paly,

I need some help! I've recently married two women but feel totally left out. They like each other and I'm usually the third wheel, left out and unloved. I'm considering divorce. What should I do?

DataspaceDiva

Dear DD,

You need to assert your self as the man and 'insert' yourself in their lovemaking. I know that is a hard concept for you to grasp.

Paly

Finally, we tuned into Radio Fed...

Your comm unit relays a message from Andaman, "I'm tuned to 9 right? ::checks::
Your comm unit relays a message from Insomnius, "This is channel 9, the PO Channel. Welcome as we continue our broadcast day."
Your comm unit relays a message from Madonnaboi, "LOL."
Your comm unit relays a message from Andaman, "That would be snow right Insomnius?"

Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!

CONTEMPLATIONS – Part I
Teran Solo, Sleeping Baron of Solace

Tired of watching the monitor, the LED lights on the instrument panel starting to hurt my eyes, I turn to look out the viewport instead, and suddenly catch my breath. I've never gotten used to the brilliance of the stars, when their light is unobscured by any atmosphere, not since the first time I left planetside. Below me the planet Freedom spins slowly on her axis, and in the distance I can just make out the Duchy's interstellar link, a glimmer of metal reflecting the light of the distant sun. The hull of the Aurora shudders slightly as her thrusters make a slight connection for orbital drift, and combined with the steady hum of her tracking computer it create the illusion of wind buffeting the ship.

I'm supposed to be watching the link, playing traffic cop, but so far there's no traffic tonight. I don't care though. I'm jacked into the Imperial Net, my company's factories are running, and besides all that, I'm getting paid a nice bonus to just sit here and watch and report on what I see. Besides, it's not like I have anything else to do. Vikki's not online right now. I've been waiting for her all night. I do another spynet report on her with my old hand-held mini-Cray, a model originally produced by Mig/Mir. I got it at a military surplus place. She's still not on. But I don't worry, I know she will be soon.

I laugh to myself as the subtle irony hits me again. All that time and effort to leave groundside, but you make yourself do it, because you think when you get out to the stars you'll be free. The only problem is that if you want to go anywhere, you have to get hooked in. Space is too big, the algorithms are too complex, the Federation is too dangerous, and if you didn't have the cybermetic linkup you'd be dead in a heartbeat. It starts out easily enough. You just get plugged in with your ship. It becomes a part of you, and that's why no one else can ever go inside it. You don't even think about it. Then eventually you're ready to go corporate, and you get linked into your company as well. Then there are those who choose to go all the way, to get cyberlinked with an entire world, and you're never sure if they're running the planet or the planet's running them. Don't even get me started on that…

But you can't stay online all the time. The machines need down to get some down time, so once in a while you have to jack out. That's usually when you realize you're hooked, when you find yourself alone, without the Federation's Imperial Network, and you feel so absolutely, horribly… normal. It's the farthest thing from being free that there is. My dark thoughts twist into a smile as the come full circle now. Yes, Vikki will be on soon. She can't bear not to be, not any more than I or anyone else who's come starside can bear it. So I sit here, alone in space, watching the Link do nothing… but at least I'm online.

And I'm getting paid. I was sitting in Chez's with my friends Jack Daniels and a trader named Hilson when the TB came. "Casey, you busy?" It was Teran Solo, the Squire of Solace. I wanted to ignore it, but I knew he wouldn't go away. Whoever invented the tight-beam message has to be one of the richest men in the Federation. Of course he'd have to be, to be able to afford living in hiding under maximum security all the time. I know if I ever found him I'd kill him with my bare hands. It's bad enough that you have to be jacked into the Fed Net to conduct any business, but then to have to contend with the messages you can't block out on top of that? I can't blame the guy though. Somehow he got the Feds to go for the idea, and that's how he got the last piece of action he ever needed. "Hey Casey"… the TB again… "Are you doing anything right now?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out my comm unit.

"Yeah," I lied. What I was doing was sitting there pretending to listen to Hilson babble as I watched Diesel have her way with the occasional unwary patron. One guy had gone to see her without being fully rested and hadn't survived the experience. That was the highlight of my night up to that point. The day had started out well enough, mind you. I'd gone to earth early on to get an intelligence enhancement. I took all I had and then drained every groat my company could spare and left there feeling a lot smarter. Too bad the enhancement doesn't include an increase of common sense as well, because my next step was to sell my ship and buy this one, the Aurora, then it was off to Arena space.

I just knew I was hot stuff with my new targeting computer. I could handle TLs for the first time now, and I couldn't wait to try them out. When I walked out of the shipyard to go get my new ship, I had less than a meg on hand and my company was bone dry. I think I lasted all of three minutes at Arena, then I woke up in the cloning ward on Starbase1. Send in the clones, I thought. Then I realized I didn't have enough to renew my insurance account with the body banks. So I got the hell out of the Arena and came to CDs, and I was waiting for my facs to turn over so I could afford to get my DNA re-encoded, listening to Hilson go on and on in the meantime. "Why, what do you need?" I TB'd back.

"I have some work for you. Where are you?" he asked. "Mars," I answered. "I'll come there… meet me south of the LP," he said. Spynet report Vikki2339… still not online. "I'll be right there," I answered and slipped my comm unit back into my pocket. I looked up at Hilson. "Gotta go," I said, and then I did.


To be continued...

ALSATIAN'S ARTWORK

A few weeks ago a new apparition appeared in CDs – some sort of statue partially obscured by the foaming pink froth of the fountain. Patrons speculated it was a rare Martian artifact brought back by Fishsticks from Horsell to show his appreciation to Diesel for services rendered. Others argued it was of a more contemporary design, but all agreed the bubbles emanating from its delicate finial top created a symphony of water, style and sound.

Hazed took one glance at the sculpture and said, "Get out of the fountain, Alsatian."

It's been the only cool place I've found to hang out during these dog days of summer. If you've installed air conditioning on your planet, please write me soon for a review. It's hot out here.

THE BUZZ
MysteryNewsDroid@Hotmail.com

A battle of Divas will be held in the near future. Ever since the Divine Miss P has been touring the outskirts of the multiverse, a new Diva has tried to take the title. Madonnaboi came back with a flamboyant bang, and has worn the crown uncontested for the past several weeks. Look out Madonnaboi, Destiny is back and Priscilla is wearing new clothes. And let's face it, the multiverse is only big enough for ONE Miss Diva!

Rumor has it that the Czarina of Svaboda has declared war on the WoLfPaCk DuKe. Zyphr woke up earlier than usual one morning and much to her dismay, her stash of BAWLS was dwindling.

Your comm unit crackles with a message from Greyspacewolf, "::steals one of your BAWLS!!::"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zyphr, "I need that!"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Greyspacewolf, "you got a whole case!!! I just want one!"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zyphr, "Okay okay... ::sighs and lets it go::"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zyphr, "HEY! I think you've already been into my BAWLS!"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Greyspacewolf, "::hides all the empty bottles::"

The dagger wielding duchess has been on a wolf hunt ever since.

And speaking of Wolfs, has the Wolfy duchy claimed ownership of the TTTT? For the past week, the TTTT has been passed from planet to planet in the Wolf's Duchy. Come on you guys! Organize a party! Have some fun! Take the TTTT for yourself!

A new mystery is a foot. Someone has stolen Galinfenner's grandmother's boots!

>ex galinfenner
A kilt and a shirt. Galin is barefoot!

The tender footed Host is walks gingerly around all the planets in the solar system searching for clues for the stolen boots. His only clue so far: a broken shoestring. Okay thieves, why couldn't you taken his kilt or his shirt? His boots?!

Outlandish rumor of the week:

Dataspace Hostess Felina yesterday denied any implication that she had criticized colleague Uniquette's fashion sense when she commented that "Uni looks like an insecure Marxist at a public swimming pool."

While Felina insisted her comments were taken out of context, Uniquette was overheard muttering something along the lines of "stab her with a soldering iron."

The platypus had no comment.


Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!

INTERPRETATIONS – Part II
Teran Solo, Sleeping Baron of Solace

"I have some work for you, Casey. Where are you?" he asked.

I sighed. But I needed the cash. "Mars," I answered.

"OK, I'll come there… meet me south of the LP," he said.

Spynet report Vikki2339… still not online. "I'll be right there," I answered and slipped my comm unit back into my pocket. I looked up at Hilson. He was still talking. "Gotta go," I said, and then I did.

As I walked down the main road of the Mars colony toward the spaceport, I wondered what Solo wanted. He always had ten things going at once, but he paid well in bonuses, and the output from my four facs on Solace would go a long way toward paying my insurance premium. I got to the LP first. Gazing out at the Martian plains beyond the spaceport, I was struck by the richness and variety of the hues of red, despite repeated applications of terraforming.

"Hey!" Solo grinned. Lost in my thoughts, he'd snuck up on me. And always that damned grin.

"What's the work?" I asked him, too tired and frustrated with myself to be polite. Besides, I know he doesn't like suck-ups anyway. "I'm sort of uninsured right now," I told him.

"Really? You want to get that taken care of ASAP." I nodded my head. No kidding. He shrugged, "oh well, you won't need insurance for this anyway."

He went on to start explaining the job to me. Basically, his Duke wanted the Link observed for the purpose of some plan too obscure for me to try to explain right now, and Solo had drawn the short straw. He tried to dress it up better than that of course, but that was essentially it. That, and I was free to park at the Freedom Link for a while and watch who flew by for him. We talked for a few minutes. He pointed out that I would be perfectly safe there, insured or not, which was true enough. The Federation spends a fortune building her Links, and doesn't tolerate any gunplay around them. Weapons systems are jammed by computers on planetside beaming their signal up to the Link. There's not a ship big enough that can hold the countermeasures necessary to cut through that ice, so every link is a peace zone by default.

We talked a little longer. Really, he talked and I listened, feigning interest when appropriate. Solo has this annoying habit of saying the same thing five different ways to make sure you get it. I let him go until he was finished, and told him I got it. Check mail for a list of names he would provide. Sit at the Link and keep an eye out for those on the list. TB him when any came through. Do it for three hours, make five megs. Simple. And when I finished, I'd be able to reinsure. Spynet report Vikki2339. Nothing. "Ok, let's go," I said. Solo grinned.

An energy spike from the Link interrupts my reminiscing. Still looking out the viewport, I watch as the space surrounding the Link twists and contorts, folding in on itself and exploding outward simultaneously. A ship emerges into Freedom space, but doesn't move away, loitering instead. I pull myself away from the window and check the scanner. Calling up the ship's identification number, I see it belongs to a Samson445, not a name from my list. A quick follow-up spinet report tells me Samson is a registered Trader. I relax as I watch the space around the Link shimmering and warping again, and Samson disappears to somewhere inside Freedom Duchy. Then all is quiet, like nothing ever happened. Maybe it didn't.

I reach for the printout of the list Solo sent me. As long as I'm just sitting here, I may as well spinet report these people too. I love the Imperial Spynet System. It is the crowing achievement of Earth's bureaucracy, almost making up for tight-beams. Almost. Anyone who's hooked into the Imperial Net can be spynetted, with their location and career standing instantly revealed. I think it may be the single useful thing the Imperial bean-counters back groundside have ever done, the apex of their evolutionary journey thus far. Monarchies wax and wane, Empires rise and fall, experiments like Democracy and Communism are attempted and fail, despots seize power then parish, but throughout, the bureaucracy remains and slowly grows. But my musing is cut short as I start going down my list. Interesting… everyone on the list Solo gave me is a current Onyx PO. Surely they're not starting up again. Spynet report Vikki2339. Not yet…


To be continued...

THE BUZZ
MysteryNewsDroid@Hotmail.com

Your faithful buzzer is back well oiled and rested from the mandatory vacation that Hazed sent us on last week. From the gossip in my databanks, it's obvious that the rest of you decided NOT to go on vacation, so this week's article will be a wrap up of the last two weeks' top stories.

The Squire of Galilee was recently spotted with the Duchess of Svaboda each munching down on some space fajitas. Rasal regaled Zyphr with tales of his checkered past. Unfortunately, Galinfenner, Felina, Embrionic, Greyspacewolf, Faolan and Wyldcat weren't able to join in the festivities as planned, but fear not, there were leftovers which were being sent to those who couldn't make the event. Be patient, as the packages were being shipped via ground from Texas.

Fleas are infesting the multiverse and guess who have we to blame?? No, not Wolfyn this time:

Greyspacewolf HOWLS!!!
Greyspacewolf has given Silverwolf a friendly snuggle!
Silverwolf has given Greyspacewolf a warm snuggle!
Silverwolf HOWLS!!
"Can I snuggle the big doggy too?", says Zero with a wink.
Greyspacewolf grins
Silverwolf chuckles
Greyspacewolf has given Zero a nice snuggle!
"Aww.", says Zero.
Zero says, "Err.. wait.."
Zero scratches.
Zero says, "What the..."
Silverwolf nuzzles Zero
Zero scratches more.

The war continues between Duke Greyspacewolf and Duchess Zyphr. The Wolfduke was seen sneaking into Svaboda this week, stealing her stash of BAWLS. Zyphr, being quick on her feet and fast with a dagger managed to cut a couple of inches off the Duke's tail, but he made off with 14 bottles of BAWLS. Zyphr has offered a reward of 1 gig for their safe return, and the rest of Greyspacewolf's tail.

Look out Felina:

Your comm unit relays a message from Xorith, "*sneaks up and pilfers Felina's whip while she's not looking*"
Your comm unit relays a message from Rokyu, ":::gasps!!::"
Your comm unit relays a message from Xorith, "Shhh... *bribes Rokyu*"
Your comm unit relays a message from Rokyu, "::snickers as she takes the bribe and stuffs it away::"
Your comm unit relays a message from Xorith, "I always loved the word 'pilfer' ;)"

In the future, Xorith, you should ensure that you bribe the CORRECT person if you want you sordid secrets kept!!

A special investigation is being headed up by Uniquette, the hostess without the whip. Fearing the same culprits that were behind the blackout of NewYork and Boston had taken control and disabled the channels in Fed, Uniquette went on a witch hunt. Finding several speechless PO's Uni busted in on them. She was quickly led onto a new way of thinking however, wondering how many newbies Fed would see in the next nine months. Uni is currently seeking funding for her new research and to replace several diamond eyes missing from her duckie pajamas. If you would like to send funds, tax deductible of course, to this new research, please mark your payment to: ProjectLightsOut, care of Galinfenner. (Now you knew he'd have his sticky fingers in here somewhere didn't you?)

Question of the week:

Your comm unit relays a message from Aldur, "Felina... What exactly does a Hostess do?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Xorith, "They make Twinkies :)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Xyli, "and jello shots?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Xorith, "No. Cup Cakes."
Your comm unit relays a message from Blairobrien, "Nope, they carry whips!"
Your comm unit relays a message from Aldur, "::is sorry he asked::"

Stop the presses! Has Fed's bad girl gone good? Baroness Xyli held a party on Thornfield. Many went to see if the rumors were true, and were surprised to see that in fact they were. Fear not, Xyli fans, her evilness was back in full force following the party. Chances are she was infected by a strange HOWLING disease that had infected her former husband, Wyldcat. When Xyli found the source of her niceness, she and Wyldcat amicably dissolved their marriage and Xyli quickly became her old self! Welcome back Evil Xyli!! You were missed.

The darling Diva Priscilla is back in action! You were warned last week of the Diva's return, but after completing the required 14 day isolation, the Diva is back in business. Resuming the role of Fashion Police, the Diva will be visiting all planets and making sure that compliance to the dressing standards are met.

Duke GWarrior is in severe mourning after the loss of his first planet Thornfield. Currently in denial stages, the Duke denied ever wanting the planet back, but it was clear to all who witnessed the event, he was clearly halfheartedly trying to convince the Baroness that he did not, in fact, want her to rejoin. Sources tell me that this couldn't be further from the truth. The Baroness couldn't be contacted for comment.

Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!

ESCALATION – Part III
Teran Solo, Sleeping Baron of Solace

I reach for the printout of the list Solo sent me. As long as I'm just sitting here, I may as well spynet report these people too. I love the Imperial Spynet System. It is the crowing achievement of Earth's bureaucracy, almost making up for tight-beams. Almost. Anyone who's hooked into the Imperial Net can be spynetted, with their location and career standing instantly revealed. I think it may be the single useful thing the Imperial bean-counters back groundside have ever done, the apex of their evolutionary journey thus far. Monarchies wax and wane, Empires rise and fall, experiments like Democracy and Communism are attempted and fail, despots seize power then perish, but throughout, the bureaucracy remains and slowly grows. But my musing is cut short as I start going down the list Solo gave me. Everyone of them is from Onyx or Deceit duchies, all nobles. Spynet report Vikki2339. Not yet…

It's always hard to explain the Federation's Link system to groundsiders. It's not that it's hard to figure out. One system, one Link. You use that Link to jump to other Links. Systems are divided among the Dukes and hooked up with a Duke's Link to form a duchy. The ones that can't get into a duchy stay under the direct administration of Sol. The place where people get tripped up is when they try to think of duchies in terms of spatial relationships. The irony of it is that in interstellar space, "space" is irrelevant. People act like it matters where a planet is in the galaxy, but it doesn't. My personal theory is that way of thinking is a carry over from Earth's pre-Union days. Looking at duchies, some folks think of the old political borders of nation-states. But the truth is each planet is a corporate entity, and a duchy is a mega-corporation. When a planet joins a duchy, it's really closer to a corporate merger than a political alliance. And if a planet ever changes duchies, it doesn't actually "move" physically, it just hooks to a different duchy Link. But try explaining that to any groundsider.

The tracking computer redlines an energy spike from the Link. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just emerged from hyperspace. Talon363, Baron of Scimitar, duchy of Onyx. I reached for my comm unit. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just entered hyperspace. I set it for a tight-beam message to Solo. I smile wryly, knowing that even nobles can't turn off TBs when they're online. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just emerged from hyperspace.

"Casey here… I have activity at the Link." Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just entered hyperspace.

"Good Casey, who is it?" Solo answers me quickly I notice. Must be damn important. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just emerged from hyperspace.

"Talon363. Moving in and out of the duchy, just like you said." Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just entered hyperspace.

"Thanks Case. Turn your duchy comms on and watch the show if you want," Solo responds. I can almost hear a smile in the background of his voice. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just entered from hyperspace.

"..s it online yet?" crackles Solo's voice over the comms. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just emerged from hyperspace.

"Coming up right now…" comes the response from Timur27. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just entered hyperspace.

Timur is the newest Squire in the Freedom duchy. He had to close his Link to make some minor revisions on his planet, a place called Mersen. FESHA, OSHA's grandson, doesn't allow travel to a planet when construction is in progress. Another sign of a healthy bureaucracy. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just emerged from hyperspace.

They had been joking over the comms earlier about Timur going offline to work on Mersen. I didn't get the joke, and that's when I tuned off. Scanner report: Talon363's has just entered hyperspace.

"Mersen's up now.." Timur27's voice crackles again. Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just emerged from hyperspace.

"Okay.." It was Solo answering, "now we wait." Scanner report: Talon363's ship has just entered hyperspace.

I wait too, trying to figure out what's going on. Then all of the sudden it hits me. Nothing is going on. The Link is quiet, and the normally noisy comms have fallen silent. I decide to transmit over the duchy's open channel. "Hey, what just happened here?" I hear myself ask, my voice carrying over the ship's comm with about a half-second delay.

"You did good Casey. Keep watching," Solo answers, then the comms fall silent again. If they're still talking, they're doing it in TBs and I can't hear them. I get a printout of the last series of scanner reports from the computer. I count jumps. Into Freedom, out of Freedom, into the duchy, back out again. I realize Talon's last jump was made to a destination somewhere inside the duchy, and he hasn't come out yet. Spynet report Talon363. "No information available on requested subject." Sweat beads slowly start to form on my forehead. I activate the Navicomp directory and call up the planet Scimitar. "There isn't a planet with that name!" Oh my God…

To be continued...

THE BUZZ
MysteryNewsDroid@Hotmail.com

There are rumors that Madonnaboi is a father. Could he be the father of the child of Xyli who disappeared at the hands of Flair? There has been no confirmation on the sex of the baby or where the baby has been. The information was from a dropped comm:

Your comm unit relays a message from Madonnaboi, "I plan to get my baby back soon."

There has got to be more to this story!!

A groundhog mistakenly discovered the hiding place for the golden globe that was last seen in the ruins. However, the Martians got to the poor soul before he was able to reveal the hiding place. The groundhog was last seen hiding under the alter muttering about the incoming invasion.

Anyone seen Xorith lately??

Your comm unit relays a message from Felina, "I'm back!;)"
Your comm unit relays a message from Xorith, "RUN AWAY!!!"

Didn't think so!! <winks>

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Shameless Plug~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Your comm unit relays a message from Priscilla, "The *new* and *improved* Destiny Puzzle, worth 1,000,000,000 IG, is now open. Please see Messrs Armstrong Cuthbert off Cai Way to fulfill your Destiny!"

~*~*~*~

A new galaxy has unfortunately been discovered. However it's an alternate universe of the multiverse and has taken its toll on those who have fallen through the trap door. With the advent of the fall cycle, it is hopeful that the planets will realign and allow those who have fallen into the alternate universe to find their way back through the portal and return to DataSpace. Just remember: Reality bites!!

Looking for new descriptions? Please send in your favorite clothing description that you have discarded to Mysterynewsdroid@hotmail.com. The descriptions will be printed and you can claim the description that you like. The Garage Sale will commence (read: descriptions will be printed) in the September 21 Chronicle. Just remember, one person's trash is another person's treasure!!

Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!

INVOCATION - Part IV
Teran Solo, Sleeping Baron of Solace

I wait too, trying to figure out what's going on. Then all of the sudden it hits me. Nothing is going on. The Link is quiet, and the normally noisy comms have fallen silent. I decide to transmit over the duchy's open channel. "Hey, what just happened here?" I hear myself ask, my voice carrying over the ship's comm with about a half-second delay.

"You did good Casey. Keep watching," Solo answers, then the comms fall silent again. If they're still talking, they're doing it in TBs and I can't hear them. I get a printout of the last series of scanner reports from the computer. I count jumps. Into Freedom, out of Freedom, into the duchy, back out again. I realize Talon's last jump was made to a destination somewhere inside the duchy, and he hasn't come out yet. Spynet report Talon363. "No information available on requested subject." Sweat beads slowly start to form on my forehead. I activate the Navicomp directory and call up the planet Scimitar. "There isn't a planet with that name!" Oh my God...

I feel like I'm going to throw up. This can't be happening. They killed an Onyx noble and they made me a part of it. I reach out to TB Solo, to, to I don't know what - to ask him what in the hell he thinks he's doing! But I hesitate, unsure, because all of this is way over my head. I have to think this through.

While I'm doing that, trying to sort everything out, the Duchy link explodes with light again, then again, then a third time. Three more ships have jumped into Freedom space, and then just as quickly jump again into the Duchy. They go so fast I can't catch all their names, but the computer does. Looking back over the log I see three more names from the list Solo gave me. Onyx POs, mad as hell over their fallen comrade Talon363, and thirsty for revenge.

A moment later one of them emerges from within the Duchy, then jumps away through the interstellar link, the ship belonging to a Baron Dunstan, whom I've heard of but never met. I wait for the other two ships, but they never come: the beautiful Versani, Technocrat of Carmen, and someone named Wildwing, Industrialist of Indus. I check them both on the Imperial Spynet but I already know what I'll find. "No information available on requested subject."

My hand somehow finds the comm unit and I tightbeam my employer. "Solo..." I begin, unsure what I want to say next.

"Casey, kinda busy at the moment," he says. I'll bet he is. "You did good. Remind me when we settle up, I'm gonna give you a 50% bonus."

"Wait. No, wait. What happened here? What did you do? Why?" The questions spill out of me. There's a long pause.

"Casey, we settled some scores tonight, balanced some very old books. We'll hook up later and get you paid. In the meantime take off. Oh, and steer clear of Mersen space for now. Gotta go." And with that, Solo is gone.

Spynet report Vikki2339, still not online. I wish she was, I need someone to talk to, someone to help me get past this. I'd expected her by now, her factories will be turning over soon. She has her own company, talked a Squire in Sol into letting her set up shop on his planet, some guy named Belton, planet Ultran. Who names their planet Ultran? She's done really good though, she's as smart as she is sexy. She means the world to me, can't wait till she gets here.

I tune into channel 9, something I normally wouldn't do. Nothing but a bunch of pretentious nobles all talking to hear the sound of their own voice, but no one ever really says anything. Usually I can't stand it, but right now anything would be better than this damnable silence.

9 is ablaze with traffic, everyone talking about the murders - that's what they're calling them, the murders. The Onyx nobles are on and they are fit to be tied, stirring up as much anti-Freedom rhetoric as they possibly can. There's talk of war igniting once again.

Everyone has an opinion, that it's stupid, or it's a shame, but in between there's some useful information slowly coming out. Apparently the Squire of Mersen, Timur27, took his planet offline so he could set up a death trap, supposedly designed to destroy commerce raiders attacking the Duchy.

In this case, the trap was between the Mersen link and the planet itself. The unwary victim would think he was moving south along the ecliptic, toward the planet, but in reality he would be flying to his death. Not hard to do, and if you were insured you would still probably live, but it's the fashion right now in Onyx to go uninsured. Still the trap would be easy to avoid if you know about it, but three Onyx nobles didn't know about it tonight.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear my name. "Casey!" It's Samson445, the trader from earlier tonight. "Casey, you were there! I saw you! You're friends with them, aren't you!"

Then before I know it, before I can respond, 9 rises in a crescendo of voices cascading into one another. "He's with the murderers! He's one of them!" Then the Onyx nobles take notice of me. "You're dead, Casey! We'll track you down and kill you just like the rest!"

I tune off, unable to listen to any more. What am I into? No amount of groats is worth this. Where is Vikki? I need her, need to talk to her. Spynet report Vikki2339...she's back! Online, on planet Ultran just like I thought she'd be. I TB her right away.

"Vikki, you're not gonna believe what went down tonight," I begin.

"Casey, we need to talk," she replies.

"Oh yeah we do, I gotta tell you what happened, what I did tonight." I'm so excited to talk to her, I don't even know where to begin.

"No, Casey," Vikki starts.

"No, what?" I interrupt.

"Casey, we're done. I'm with Belton now," she says. "Take care of yourself. Bye."

And then it's silent again, the planet Freedom still spinning slowly on her axis below me. I look at it for a time. It's beautiful in its way, not like Vikki is beautiful, something more sublime, serene. I watch from orbit for a long time.

I realize this has all been for nothing. I'm uninsured, the Aurora is banged up, and now my girl has run off with a Squire. I'm alone. It's all been for nothing. Everything I did here, everything I've ever said, all meaningless.

I have to make them understand. All of them. They have to know I'm not a murderer. I have to make Vikki see that I'm the one she should've chosen. I have to make them understand. Then it hits me, and I know just what to do.

Just let them understand.

Jump Mersen. Move south.


The end


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