Fed II Star newsletter - masthead The weekly newsletter for the Fed II game by ibgames

EARTHDATE: March 26, 2006

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BAR-HOPPING MADE EASY, THE LYNNEA AND ASTERIX WAY!

This week, your intrepid party-goers braved the Tijuana of Fed - The Muddy Waters Lounge on Sumatra. It's one of the few places in Fed where the alcohol is less dangerous than the water. That is, unless you're out partying with meticulous note-takers like me!

Well, Lynnea actually took the notes, but she was kind enough to give me her notebook the morning after.

LYNNEA: Um... You took notes too. You taped that embarrassing feather to them, remember? Oh jeez, where'd you leave your notes, Asty?!

ASTERIX: Nowhere, of course, I have them... I hope... Anyway, when the bills came back, it only came out to about five or ten megagroats of damage, but hey - who's counting? Good thing we have that expense account, right Hazed?


The Muddy-Waters Lounge

ASTERIX: Let me just say that this night started off fast and furious! We were graced by the presence of some of this week's Fed Phrase Game contestants, Kalandra, Zand, Stirling, Tweety and even the host - Fancy, for a short while! Once the contestants were all there and ready for the Fed Phrase Game after-party, we got the party started right away.

LYNNEA: Some of the party-goers showed up in their finest attire.

> ex Stirling
A distinguished appearing gentleman stands before you wearing a classic tuxedo - a gleaming emerald stick pin catches your eye.

Others dressed more casually.

> ex Kalandra
Kal is wearing shorts and a t-shirt that hug her curves. Her long reddish brown hair is pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. Her muscular legs and feet are finished off by bright red freshly painted toe nails.

And still others, well, were just downright odd.

> ex Jinto
Jinto is wearing a gorilla suit, obvious from the zipper in the front, and over the suit he has on a toga. It is a guess as to what he may have on underneath the gorilla suit.

Many showed up wearing the new fashion that has taken FedSpace by storm, the MOMdescript line of clothing. The outfit that garnered the most discussion was Robius, who oddly enough was wearing what he always wears, his leather kilt. I reminded Robius that his wife Jessecka had left the galaxy earlier with strict instructions that he was to entertain us with some tabletop dancing. Honoria immediately wanted to know if that meant the kilt would come off during the dancing:

> Robius winks, "Whether the come off or not, there ain't nothing under the kilt so it don't make much difference."

Well, needless to say this was quite a shock to me! All I could think of was those ancient Ken Dolls of earth!

Honoria shared that she felt kilts to be the ultimate in masculine clothing. Kalandra echoed Honoria's sentiment.

> Kalandra drawls, "It does take a real man to wear a kilt and nothing else..."

ASTERIX: After the first few rounds, it looked like Stirling was going to be the first to get knocked out by our good friend Jose Cuervo. He started mumbling something about bubbly tequila mixes and Artifacts factories, but he kept right on drinking, like a champ; unlike my intrepid partner, Lynnea, who was complaining about all the drinks in front of her.

> Lynnea looks at the table in front of her "How the heck can I drink all of this?"

And you call yourself intrepid...

LYNNEA: You totally missed the point as usual. I was clearly just wondering if it was time to get a pitcher.

ASTERIX: Yeah, whatever, anyway, this was about the time that Necrose started complaining about the voices in his head, but Stirling assured him the voices had said they weren't there. This relieved the party a great deal. Once we were all satisfied that there were, in fact, no voices in Necrose's head, we continued on with the drinking. Jinto had the bright idea of taking a blender out of the kitchen and pouring all of his drinks in to it. He added a banana and a straw and started in on his concoction. Lynnea started up that blasted wobbly water from last week, again.

LYNNEA: Blasted? You were cheering for it! Let me look through my notes.

> Asterix cheers for the pitcher of wobbly water

ASTERIX: You and your ridiculous notes.

LYNNEA: I did finally get tired of trying to keep all my drinks in order. You know I like to be neat. With Honoria, Zand and Asterix all sitting at the same table I was, and all getting the same pile of drinks, I decided that it was time for the pitcher to come out. I dumped in my many shots of tequila as well as brandy, something with fruit in it, cider, Becherovka, and many other things that I fail to remember right now. Honoria decided to do some house cleaning of her own and made a show of dumping all her drinks in the pitcher. She really only dumped the ones she didn't want for herself, though. Honoria was only pretending to be generous!

ASTERIX: Wait just a minute! Who put the brownies in there? It was Honoria, wasn't it, that's just like her to try to poison me like that.

LYNNEA: Like I said, she was only pretending to be generous; she would never put her prized brownies in a pitcher of wobbly water. But I have my notes, so let's see who DID put them in there!

> Asterix grabs a few brownies and tosses them into the pitcher

Just as I thought, The culprit was none-other than you, sir.

ASTERIX: Oh, well good, I mean it could've used a nice chocolatey taste to it. Anyway, like I was saying, Stirling looked like he was in a bad way. He had just left the bar, only to come back and fall right down in the middle of the floor. I asked Lynnea what she thought of the situation and - well, see for yourself:

> Honoria looks with amazement at Asterix, "You asking Lynnea this question?"

I rather agree with her, it probably was not my best judgment to ask you that question, was it?

LYNNEA: I was just as capable of answering that as anyone. Maybe even better.

ASTERIX: While all this was going on, Stirling was getting back to himself, why he almost looked like he was sobering up at this point - he was nearly able to climb up off the floor all on his own - so I handed him another shot of tequila and told him to keep enjoying himself. He told me that he was really glad we decided to have our party this week at the Urban Spaceman bar and continued saying that Venus looked a little different to him.

LYNNEA: I know! And you call me a light-weight? He couldn't even tell what planet he was on! And what was that "Save the Yacks" thing he yelled on his way down?

ASTERIX: Well... er... He probably hadn't had anything to eat.

LYNNEA: ANYWAY, after Stirling went down for the count in his yack saving flame of glory, Necrose thought it was time to share a smart comment.

> Necrose turns to Lynnea and points at Stirling. "It's like looking two hours into your future, isn't it?"

I was forced to remind Necrose that it had been less than a week since he had also been in that state. He denied it of course, but as Asterix has pointed out on more than one occasion, I take copious notes.

ASTERIX: And that's of course why I'm as nice to you as I always am. At about this time, Lynnea's future self - Stirling - was carried out of the bar, not quite as gently as we might all have hoped.

> Stirling is picked up by a waitdroid and gently hauled to the nearest medical center. He manages to wave goodnight as he is headed out the door.

At least he waved goodbye...

LYNNEA: In our drunken frivolity, most of the party goers had forgotten to turn off our common galaxy-wide comm channel. Needless to say it was quite a shock for all of us when an SOS came hissing across the airwaves. While the newcomer screamed at death-defying speeds towards the sun, we all discussed the ethics of drunken people helping newbods.

> Honoria asks, "Should those of us drinking be helping a newbie?"
Asterix scoffs at Honoria, "Hey.. don't you worry, I'm never to helpful to be drunk!"

ASTERIX: Well? It's true!

LYNNEA: Necrose suggested 30cc of Southern Comfort would help the newbod, and I chuckled along in agreement. No wait, I mean... something helpful... Damn these ridiculous notes.

ASTERIX: Well listen, I don't think it was very wise of her to be hauling on a night like that anyway.

LYNNEA: A Tuesday night?

ASTERIX: Was it Tuesday, really? I could've sworn it was Friday night.LYNNEA: Asty, just because everyday on the calendar in your little corner of the universe is Friday, doesn't make it true for us non-alcoholics.

ASTERIX: I'm an alky?

LYNNEA: Who is it that passes out nearly every night at Art's Bistro?

ASTERIX: Just because I go down to the bar every night doesn't mean I have some sort of problem!

LYNNEA: Hey! I'm not the one getting hit in the head with brownies and spilling wobbly water all over the place. Gee whiz you made a mess!

ASTERIX: I made a mess! You and your friend Honoria nearly got Zand killed!

LYNNEA: What do you mean? We would never think of such a thing!

ASTERIX: Oh all of a sudden your memory - and your notes I might add - don't have all the information? Well that's alright, because I found the pages in your notes before you ripped them out!

> Honoria looks from Zand to Necrose, "If I asked you really nicely would you kill someone for me?"

And of course, Necrose's reply should have been no, but because of her ridiculously tasty brownies, Necrose was pushed into saying yes.

> Necrose says, "No problem. It's the least I could do for the.... brownies."

There's something... special about those brownies, but I just can't quite put my finger on it.

LYNNEA: You're just being paranoid now, it must be a result of your drinking problem.

ASTERIX: Well, at least I didn't force Robius to do any dancing on the table and almost get him killed!

LYNNEA: Hey, that wasn't me either. Here, look at my notes:

> Honoria drawls, "Isn't it time for Rob to table dance? Jess said he could."
Asterix says, "Jess not only said he could, but that he should."

ASTERIX: Now wait just a minute! There has to be something missing there!

LYNNEA: Nope, meticulous note-taking pays off once again! Anyway, Robius did decide to grace us with a table top dance. At least, he tried to. When attempting to climb up onto the table, he promptly fell onto his face. We all winced and said ouch, and watched him flop about on the floor. Asterix finally helped him up and Robius's dance began - then ended just as fast. I think he was far too drunk to do any real hip movements. Honoria and I figured we could do much better, but decided not to, it wouldn't be prudent of a reporter!

ASTERIX: Oh, absolutely not! You can't just leave out the part where you and Honoria climbed up onto the table and made the biggest mess the Muddy has ever seen!

LYNNEA: What mess?

ASTERIX: Oh you know exactly what mess, when Fancy showed up? And you scared off Humboldt with that damnable whip!

LYNNEA: Whip...?

ASTERIX: Yeah, now it's all coming back, isn't it? Lynnea and Honoria climbed up on the table that Robius had nearly just killed himself on, and under the pretense of singing some karaoke for us, started waving a whip around randomly. She knocked a few waitdroids out for the night, she broke at least 20 or so glasses, and nearly split two bar-stools in half. She broke the light that hung above her head, and you split-open the couch cushion that Necrose was sitting on! Robius and I had to resort to hiding under our seats which were whipped mercilessly. I can only assume you were aiming for me!

LYNNEA: I promise you Asty, if I was aiming for you, I would have hit you. It's not like I am an amateur with that whip.

ASTERIX: That's not a comforting thought... And anyway, when you were ready to get off the table, you had forgotten about me completely, which is fine.

LYNNEA: It's not that I forgot about you, it's that I didn't think you were um...sober enough to help me off the table.

ASTERIX: ...

LYNNEA: In any case, this was no reason for you to go off and pout. Honoria and I offered numerous times to let you sit on the couch with us. And oh yeah! That crack about us being fat was totally uncalled for!

ASTERIX: I didn't call anyone fat... And anyway, Honoria got me back by calling me blue!

LYNNEA: She only said your lips were blue. She was trying to explain why she put that lipstick on you.

ASTERIX: That's not even the point! I can't believe you would take her side, you're my partner for crying out loud!

LYNNEA: ...

ASTERIX: I thought so. Anyway, about this time Robius shot the deputy, or at least I think he did.

> I killed the party, but I did not shoot the deputy, Robius has left.

I mean, if that's not the confession of someone who's guilty of shooting the deputy, I don't know what is.

LYNNEA: I agree with you there, Asty. Why else would he have left in such a hurry?

ASTERIX: Well, when Robius left, Necrose and Honoria realized what time it was and decided it was about time they left, which meant it was just Lynnea and myself left to sort through our notes and get cracking on this article.

LYNNEA: I don't remember that part. I thought we finished that pitcher of wobbly water. I mean - er... yes of course that's what we did! Asty, you need to stop making me keep such copious notes.

ASTERIX: Well, one of us needs to remember what actually happens on these nights. But I had one mission left for the night. I had to find Stirling; according to my comm unit, he was still somewhere on Sumatra.

> The following people are on Sumatra:
Manufacturer Asterix
Manufacturer Stirling

So I set off to look for him. I assumed he had at least made it to the LP, but he wasn't even close. He was, in fact, just southeast and south from the bar. Apparently, the waitdroids dropped him off in the Galactic Heritage Foundation Executive offices. Since it was well after hours, none of the officers were around, so I guess the waitdroids assumed nobody would care that Stirling was on the ground in that office.

LYNNEA: Was Stirling alright? I would hate to think he would have been unable to tend to his fact- oh wait, never mind.

ASTERIX: Be that as it may, Stirling was in a pretty bad way, but was able to make it out of the office before it opened up the next day. But it didn't seem like he'd have been able to do that when I found him!

Well, with the knowledge that all of our party-goers had made it home - or at least out of the Muddy Waters Lounge - safely, it was time to call it a night (or morning, depending on what you call it when the sun's about to rise).

That's all for this week's edition of Bar-Hopping Made Easy, we're taking a one week break to recover! Until then, keep it safe and always have a designated driver-droid!

LYNNEA: And remember, wobbly water is not for the faint of heart!


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