TOP TEN WAYS TO GET YOUR SHARES BACK
by Hazed (with help from Djentsch and Otter)
With Manufacturers still whingeing about Financiers who won't sell them back the shares in their companies, it seems timely to come up with ways you might persuade them to cooperate...
| 1. |
Ask politely. No, don't laugh, not all Financiers are complete bastards! |
| 2. |
Beg. If asking politely doesn't work, ask obsequiously, and keep on asking. Nag incessantly. You might wear him down. |
| 3. |
Bribery. Surely you can find something the Financier really, really wants, that he would be willing to give up your shares in exchange for! |
| 4. |
Burst into tears. This probably works better if you're an attractive woman, depending on the tastes of the Financier in question. |
| 5. |
Hold up a sign saying, "Will work for shares." |
| 6. |
Blackmail. Find out the dirty little secrets that the Financier would rather stayed hidden, and then threaten to expose them to the Galaxy if you don't get your shares back. |
| 7. |
Theft. Break into the Financier's ship and steal the share certificates. Then break into the Trumble, Cruikshank & Bone offices, hack into their computer, and change the registration details so the shares show as belonging to you. Of course, if you were clever enough to do that, you'd be the richest person in the Galaxy and wouldn't need to piddle around with shares! |
| 8. |
Offer to lap dance, or conversely threaten to lap dance. |
| 9. |
Sabotage the insurance machine in the hospital, then lure the shareholder into the Martian ruins and push him down a pit. When he wakes up, refuse to repair the insurance machine until he coughs up the shares. |
| 10. |
Finally, get the experts involved: put out a contract on him with Armstrong Cuthbert, posted on the jobs board, 1,000,000 ig and oh yes 5 hauling credit. |
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