SOL ACCESS
by September
It's illogical. Or is it?
As I was sitting in the Cantina one evening, enjoying a moose pizza, a creature of interest caught my attention.
Ex wraith
Wraith is draped all in shimmering black, with just enough form to lead you to believe she is female. Eyes as dark as night catch and hold the unwary, drawing them into their endless depths.
She is a Geddyan who practices logic before emotion and although I found her a bit scary, this intrepid reporter bravely conducted a thorough interview. We made friendly small talk, and before long I was totally at ease! Eventually the conversation turned to space ships, and their reliability or lack thereof, and I really dug in my heels and hit her with the hard questions. Here's how it went.
September looks toward Wraith. "Does your ship run alright?"
Wraith blinks slowly, then nods. "Should it not?"
September stutters. "Well... some have, you know, issues.. " She then crams in a bite so she doesn't have to continue to talk.
September holds her wine glass in one hand, her pizza slice in the other, alternating between the two.
Wraith continues to watch September silently, apparently content to do so if not encouraged to talk.
September washes down her last bite of pizza with her last gulp of wine. "So... you are one of those logic type life forms?"
Wraith asks, "Do you mean as a species or as a person?"
September says, "A species"
Wraith shakes her head. "No. We are as varied as your species."
September nods "Then you personally?"
Wraith seems to lift her shoulders under the dark covering. "I find no use for emotional reactions. It generally shows a lack of thought, if not intelligence."
September tries to appear as if she agrees, not quite pulling it off. "I totally agree."
Wraith doesn't blink. "You do not appear to enjoy telling an untruth."
September blushes. "Well, I don't totally agree, but you are somewhat scary."
Wraith says, "I have no intention of harming you. It would serve no purpose."
September brightens. "Yes, it most certainly would not!" She exclaims.
Wraith regards that reaction with interest. "Now you do agree with me. Intriguing."
September nods, her cheeks a bit pink, then quickly orders more wine. "Can I get you a wine?" She asks.
Wraith shakes her head. "I do not drink alcoholic beverages. I indulge in food and drink only when necessary."
September nods then mutters under her breath. "Wine is certainly necessary right now."
Wraith regards her steadily. "I am causing you discomfort." She says it as a statement, not a question, and doesn't seem perturbed by the fact.
Butters says, "oh the reporter is snooping again"
September flushes with anger. "I don't' snoop!"
Wraith turns to look at the new speaker. "Her inquiries were not impolite."
September stares at Butters. "I didn't even see you arrive."
Butters says, "I have been sitting here for ::looks at the time:: 6 hours"
Wraith looks toward Butters and asks, "This served a purpose?"
Butters adjusts his diaper
Butters says, "I happen to enjoy the comfort. Always did from the day I was born."
Wraith says dryly, "My inquiry was for six hours spent in this location."
September says, "That is very weird." She gets out her pad and pen and makes a note, muttering something about diapers. "Not that I will print that... maybe."
Butters says, "My factories are running, they do not need me so I sit here and wait"
Wraith frowns minimally. "Then there is no use for your current existence?"
September stifles a giggle.
Ok, that part is a bit off point. I leave it as a testament to Butters' useless existence. Oh wait! I meant, as a testament to Wraiths path of logic.
September looks at Wraith. "Have you the need of food or drink yet?"
Wraith murmurs, "Intriguing," again under her breath, then shakes her head at
September. "Not for several days yet."
September stares at Wraith. "Wow, I would starve by then."
Wraith says, "My metabolism is considerably slower than yours."
September looks at Wraith, turning her back to Butters. "So, tell me about yourself."
Wraith turns her dark eyes on September. "What do you wish to know?"
September says, "Well, how is it that your species are so varied in belief? Some ARE more emotional I take it."
Wraith is still for a moment. "I do not know many of my species. I have not returned to my home for a very long time. Those I know are different, however."
September returns her gaze to Wraith. "How did you come to leave your home?"
Wraith shakes her head slowly. "It is not my home, merely the place I came from. I do not know. I was very young."
September nods, "Ok, and you don't feel... sadness, or loneliness?"
Wraith asks, "What purpose would that serve?"
September says, "Well, maybe none, but it seems a natural response to not being home, or knowing others of your species."
Wraith says, "That is illogical. My home is where I am and there are others to observe, of other species, as well as of my own."
September asks, "Only observe? What about interaction?"
Wraith nods. "When it serves a purpose."
September asks, "Is friendship not purposeful?"
Wraith says, "It is for emotional gain and often indicates dependence."
September raises a brow. "Maybe you just fear being emotionally vulnerable."
Wraith says, "Why would I fear? I have been told emotions can be controlled."
September coughs lightly behind her hand saying, "Yes, of course." Then bravely continuing she states. "So, you really don't even know if the rest of your species is also logic driven."
Wraith says, "I know of one who is not. This is enough to conclude that not all of my species is the same."
September nods, having no argument to that logic.
September asks, "How did you end up here in this galaxy and time?"
Wraith continues to regard September steadily. "The time I have no control over. I have wandered here. I will wander away some day in the future."
September fidgets uncomfortably for some time. "I am not sure I know what word I am looking for at the moment."
Wraith states blandly. "Does this indicate a termination of your interest in my background?" She neither sounds disappointed or relieved.
September looks back at Wraith. "No, it's just a way of expressing my confusion over it."
Wraith shakes her head. "I inquire only because I have received a message that there is a job I may wish to perform. There is no urgency, however, if you still have questions."
September shakes her head. "I think I will digest this part for now. Can I contact you later though?"
Wraith slips to her feet with surprising grace. "If you wish."
September holds her hand out somewhat awkwardly, not knowing if Wraith even shakes hands or not.
Wraith looks at September's hand and slowly inclines her head by way of farewell.
September waves her un-shook hand and sips her wine looking somewhat uncomfortable and relieved.
Butter Sauce or Super Butt
As a fair and unbiased reporter I thought I would allow Butters to comment on his view of reporters, which is none too positive to say the least. When I questioned him on it he replied that reporters "Tell nothing but fiction and never back up their stories with facts."
Apparently this was brought on by my recent story of Tabbecca, the lovely female centaur that was recently rescued from a frozen state. It is his assertion that centaurs do not exist and he has relegated her to the realm of myth.
I think Wraith said it best with this comment. "It would not be a hardship to be considered a myth by a man who does not appear to have logical thought."
After my very professional and friendly interview, Butters attempted to assassinate me with a dart, which I thought was a drastic way to show his disdain. Needless to say, I am not concerned with his opinion. I mean, really, he wears a diaper and a cape. 'nuff said!
Monsters In The Closet
As promised last week, I set out on a mission to discover what Sephorin and Trilleth's closet treatment was all about. Upon contacting Trilleth she had this to say. "You probably want to ask her. It's her closet. It's just my brain." I took this to mean that she was the brains in the closet, but she stated that was not the case, and in fact, she and Sephorin share a brain. As interesting as this all was, it got me no closer to the knowledge of what the closet treatment is, and since Sephorin has been unavailable for comment I can't shed any light on the issue at this time. Stay tuned for further updates.
Rulers or Droolers
I met a mouse creature named Squeeky as I was out and about in the galaxy, and found him to be an interesting character, if a bit short on words. When I asked him about any gossip he might be able to share his only comment was "Mice rule and cats drool."
Well, having previously met the infamous cat known as Catspaws, I decided it would only be right to get her comments on this statement. Here is what she had to say. "On the record? We all know how tiny the minds of mice are. What the mouse perceives as drool is actually our whiskers. And as for the ruling, there is a throne on Catseye, north of the Hair of the Dog Pub. So, who rules?" She then went on to state that cats rule over both mice and dogs, and invited me to check out the throne from which this is done.
I have not yet made a trip to Catseye, but plan to do so at a later date and with any luck, she won't also rule over reporters when I leave.
Until Next Time
That is all for Sol Access this week. Please read next week's column where you will read an update on the question of Zandzabar and its overly large fleet, as well as learn about Trilleth and the loss of her pants, and why Doolittle stole the mayor's car.
And remember, I pay for celebrity gossip! Email your juicy tidbits to September_star@mac.com.
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