The weekly newsletter for Fed2 by ibgames

EARTHDATE: March 8, 2009

Fed Funnies page 1


TOP TEN REASONS PEOPLE CAN'T FIND THE KITCHEN ON PHOBOS

by Jezz

This week Copacoyote joined the thronging ranks of adventurers who were unable to find the kitchen on Phobos. It seems he'd been trudging around the dome for quite some time before he finally stopped and asked for directions (yes, that's definitely a sign of a truly desperate man). Is there some sort of invisibility switch on that huge staircase in the Alpha Kernel that hides it as soon as an adventurer enters the room? So... in a effort to solve this mystery, here is the...

Top 10 Reasons People Can't Find The Kitchen on Phobos.

10. FedTerm's auto-mapping - the Fed equivalent of SatNav - doesn't show up and down movements. Therefore, they don't exist.
9. Folks are afraid there is a dietetic regime and an auto exercise program upstairs and maybe the DNA sculpture might represent the changes necessary.
8. There are so many restaurants in Sol, nobody knows what a kitchen is anymore.
7. They get confused by the ever-changing walls in the Morph Bar, and are henceforth unable to identify anything they see... like staircases.
6. They have yet to build up the tenacity, stamina and attention span to make it through a whole room description.
5. Everyone is afraid of Tracey's reaction when you ask her where the kitchen is. She might direct you to the toilet by mistake.
4. They have bad memories of opening every door on Titan.
3. They are afraid they might have to actually wash dishes if they find it.
2. Who puts a kitchen upstairs anyway? You have to carry the groceries so far.
And the number one reason why people can't find the kitchen on Phobos is...
1. They are too unfit to consider climbing up stairs. Why can't these people fit a grav shaft?


Thanks go out to Hazed, Logical, Caesar, Angelfowl and Squeeky, even though Squeeky's suggestion that everybody was too busy eating cheese to find the kitchen didn't quite make the top ten because of course they had to find the kitchen to find the cheese. Thanks also to Copacoyote for inspiring our top 10. Copacoyote also is on record as saying he wasn't distracted from finding the kitchen because he was watching the videos in Flanario's room.


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