Official News page 7

REAL LIFE NEWS: HOW NOT TO GET OUT OF WORK

by Hazed

A hotel cleaner from Aberdeen in Scotland has just been fined £100 for wasting police time, and all because he didn't want to go to work.

Steven Reid claimed he had been assaulted, but later admitted he had faked the attack so he could have a day off. He'd been on his way to work when he was hit by an acute attack of skivitis, as reported by Fiscal depute (that's a Scottish prosecutor) Jim Craigen: "He was making his way to work and didn't really much fancy going. He therefore removed a razor from his pocket and repeatedly dragged it down his face. He also picked up a boulder and... repeatedly hit himself on the head and body."

Then he went to the police and reported that he'd been assaulted by two men who punched and kicked him repeatedly.

Didn't it occur to him to just phone in sick?

I am sure you will not be at all surprised to learn that he is now unemployed!

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