Web Fed News Yearbooks - September 1999

THE RETURN OF TICKENEST'S TOP TEN

As it turns out, that little challenge issued to me in last week's news by Mrzef has successfully pulled me from my retirement (yeah, another retirement) from writing for the Fed News. As the Disputed (Frog would have something to say about this) Federation King of Top Ten Lists, I now feel honor-bound (yes, honor-bound) to write one for the Chronicle. And I look forward to beating up Mrzef and taking his lunch money. Just kindly name your time and place, Mrzef, and we'll arrange something. Thank you.

It's been a couple of months since I wrote something for this publication, and even longer since I wrote a Top Ten List. Have I lost my edge? Probably, if I ever had one to begin with. Of course, the astute reader will note that I have still appeared in nearly every issue of the Fed News this summer. They just don't pay people in Quotes or Posts of the Week. Oh well.

Ok, time for a Top Ten List (with some nifty author's commentary).

TOP TEN LEAST-USEFUL COMMANDS
by Tickenest

10. PUNT ME
9. LAG ME (These sound like something from Alice in Wonderland, eh?)
8. BASH WALL WITH MY SKULL
7. SET MY ACCOUNT BALANCE -2,147,483,645
6. GIVE ALMS TO POOR (We're such a greedy lot of players.)
5. HELP HELP (If you can master the HELP command, you shouldn't need help on it, should you?)
4. @!#?@! (Bonus points to anyone who can tell me from what video game that sequence of symbols comes from, but can you think of a use for a command like that?)
3. BUY ROUND FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER PLAYED FEDERATION (Kinda expensive.)
2. DECOMPILE FEDERATION SOURCE CODE, ADD FEATURE TO CHANGE NAME OF EVERY PLAYER TO 'NewBod', RECOMPILE, AND RUN
1. QUIT (Why would you ever want to leave?)

QUOTES OF THE MONTH

Pathologicaliar says, "I never roleplay. I am what I am."

Your comm unit relays a message from Paccino, "Are we having fun yet?"
Your comm unit relays a message from Unisgod, "i was but it got lost in the scroll."

MOODS OF THE MONTH

Life is short. Don't be Canadian has just gone north.

The Fearlessness of Cup has just arrived.

God must be an American... Barb has just appeared.
God called, she's British... Obeahcay has just appeared.

Megaera, Tisiphone, Alecto and Barb is here.
Larry, Moe, and Danny is here.

Your Navigator tonite, "Patch" Paccino is here.
Your Navigator two years ago. Cup is here

Despite popular demand, Danny has just appeared.

POSTS OF THE MONTH

211329:134 - Kariscats: I can only make one person happy per day... Today is not your day... Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.....

211332:049 - Pianoman: <<-- unleashes a minor chord on the unsuspecting masses and sees them run in terror, hands over their ears.

211331:878 - Kewlcat: i am the infamous kewlcat, tremble when you hear my name
211331:894 - Chilichese: Umm forgive me.. I find it very hard to tremble becuse of a kitty.
211332:070 - Kariscats: Must not have been with the right kitties Chili;)

211333:607 - Kitten: {{{{ Dad }}}} {{{{{ Mom }}}} {{{{ Kao }}}} {{{{Darkshadow }}}}}... you can begin to tax my brackets once I get more than just a measly 151 characters of text for clothing !!! :::searches for some 60's protest signs from her Mom's closet:::

211333:691 - Pathologicaliar: Are you tired of the same old boring, lame, empty, duchy with a duke that never plays? Well then, join a DIFFERENT boring, lame, empty, duchy with a duke that never plays. Join Disbelief.

211335:051 - Canadian: How many brackets are too many brackets? {} That many. ;)
211335:055 - Singapore: Let's find out...one:{...two:{}...three:{{}. Three!!! :)
211335:055 - Jjnerd: I declare myself antibrackettaxistic.

211335:710 - Satinsheets: :::hereby proclaims a tax on names with MISSING VOWELS::: Effective midnight tonight, Fedizens will be taxed a flat rate for each missing vowel that would otherwise make their names PRONOUNCABLE! ::slams down the gavel::
211335:786 - Stnshts: O no.... I'm in trouble now

211335:055 - Jjnerd: I declare myself antibrackettaxistic.

211343:964 - Poco: Note to Defectors: The Great Witch Hunt begins soon...Infidel hunting season is just around the corner. (Pilgrim: RUN)

211346:193 - Bozoboyz: I post, therefore I am. Who ever said you had to think?

211353:163 - Antimatter: Who dared to post my clothes in the news?
211353:169 - Kao: ....probably whomever you stripped for....:)

211353:217 - Paccino: Every moment apart from you is like an eternity of tourture... and every moment together with you is like an eternity of pure bliss... Be with me always?
211353:265 - Ron: Ok Paccino, all you had to do was ask!

211353:222 - Windy: Men are always wrong. They don't need a woman to tell them :)

211360:997 - Tickenest: Family, socializing, bathing. These are the three demons you must slay to succeed in Fed.
211361:039 - Cricket: I thought it was filling defs, hauling off excess, and not getting killed in the process, Tick :)

CLOTHES OF THE MONTH

ex antimatter
Antimatter is clad in a fairly loud shirt with the following inscribed on it: "You'll come for the salmon, but you'll stay for the clique in CD's."

ex hazed
She's gorgeous - but nobody knows if she really looks as wonderful as this, or if it's all done with holograms and mirrors.

SHIPS OF THE MONTH

ex shaman's ship
You see a pile of twisted steel and smoking rubble. No wonder he never goes anywhere.

ex hazed's ship
It has a bumper sticker which says, "I discriminate against Martians".

If you have nominations for the Quote, Mood, Post, Clothes, Act, or anything else of the Week, send them to Uniquette@earthlink.net.