Web Fed News Yearbooks - April 1998

TOP TEN REASON TO SUSPECT THE DUKE PUZZLE IS STILL A WAYS AWAY
by Bozowl

10.	The on button is lost under all the checks.
9.	Ibgames is trying to open a real life Chez Diesel.
8.	On Crypto's to do list: A. CC payment. B. Snark. C. Martian Invasion. D. Reinstall Windows 95. E. Feed dog.
7.	Fed officials are too busy reading The Underground's Anniversary Issue.
6.	Tbar is made Fed's Official Spell Checker. (Also on the Top Ten Reasons the World is Coming to an End.)
5.	Credit Card payment is first... right after they reinvent the wheel using popcicle sticks and a rubber band.
4.	Sol is way beyond capacity, and Ming loves it!
3.	Cup of Fearlessness newest rule... No Insurance!
2.	When asked about the puzzle, Crypto responds with 'I know nothing, I see nothing, and I say... nothing!'
1.	Hazed announces in the News, 'The Duke Puzzle will be up sometime next week'.

TOP TEN SIGNS SOL HAS BEEN EMPTY TOO LONG

10.	Sol mobiles establish weekly poker night in the Cantina.
9.	The GM begins hiding on Earth's landing pad.
8.	Sol workthingie life expectancy then: 2 days. Now: 6 months.
7.	Water and power to Office Block turned off.
6.	Pegasus and Monty begin attacking each other.
5.	Wrench found rusted to the floor.
4.	Sol link closes every 10 days.
3.	Jarrow's Shipbuilders offers two for one sale.
2.	Diesel begins paying you for services.
1.	Enough dust lying around to make a sand-trap.

TOP TEN WAYS WE KNOW THERE ARE NEW PLAYERS
by Krose

10.	You see three Commanders and a GroundHog on channel 1 at once.
9.	You start hearing, "Who's this Pegasus and why did he shoot me down?" again.
8.	JPs are getting nagged with "Can you give me some 75 ton In-Sol work?"
7.	There are actually people in Sol.
6.	There is actually work on the Workboard.
5.	People start flying into the sun, and not by accident.
4.	You start hearing, "How do I promote?"
3.	The bored offical starts getting back into the swing of this.
2.	You start hearing, "How do I buy fuel?"
1.	The newbies finally promote to Captain, "You mean there's a GOTO command?"

QUOTES OF THE MONTH

Your comm unit relays a message from Readerboy, "wow!!! at 7:30 EST I had 21 megs in my planet... now at 8:48 pm EST I have 25 megs... good, eh?".
Your comm unit relays a message from Stevec, "When did you make Duke, Reader? :P".

Your comm unit relays a message from Silowetcat, "<---impotent kitty".
Your comm unit relays a message from Tigris, "LOL. Don't tell Poseidon!".
Your comm unit relays a message from Silowetcat, "That was sposed to be IMportant....LOL".

Your comm unit relays a message from Krose, "Damn! FedTerm sucks for making fire sales".
Your comm unit relays a message from Wsprano, "<---lights Krose's sale on fire for him".
Your comm unit relays a message from Dbhanuband, "<---- starts taking fire and selling it".
Your comm unit relays a message from Hazed, "Yeah, I can see how the wind created by the sucking would make it hard to start a fire".
Your comm unit relays a message from Archer, "yes, but the friction from the sucking could heat one up enough to cause spontaneous combustion;)".

Your comm unit relays a message from Archer, "LOL..heres a question..how does your spaceship appear on every LP to teleport to? LOL".
Your comm unit relays a message from Hazed, "It is attached to your wrist with a piece of elastic".
Your comm unit relays a message from Archer, "<scratches head> coulda swore I parked that thing at home:)".
Your comm unit relays a message from Wsprano, "You mean its not like a loyal dog and just follows you everywhere??".
Your comm unit relays a message from Archer, "LOL Hazed... a ship leash..".
Your comm unit relays a message from Hazed, "When you are exploring planets the elastic stretches and the ship stays on the pad. But as soon as you port somewhere to another planet, the elastic pings back and the ship comes too".

Your comm unit relays a message from Smokey, "yeah, I just get to the level where I can opress people and there's nobody around to be opressed".

"Boy that Jp Biggroats must be in sorry shape! Everytime i come to the cantina he loses his marbles!" says Yoda

Your comm unit relays a message from Goober, "how do i leave a death planet".
Your comm unit relays a message from Jer, "um die?"

You say, "had to clear some woods"
Yoda exclaims, "That fast!"

"i need your chain saw!", exclaims Yoda.

MOOD OF THE MONTH

be very qwiet.. i'm hunting gm's Kajunqt has just arrived.

ACT OF THE MONTH

Gerhilda tries, over and over, to give herself to Diesel, but for some reason Diesel doesn't want her.

BAR POSTS OF THE MONTH

210836:120 - Mysticchem: I know what you were thinking, "Five missiles or six?" Well, to be perfectly honest, in all the ruckus I lost count. So you have to ask yourself just one question..."Do I feel lucky?" ...Well? Do you, punk?
210836:138 - Mavryck: I feel lucky, punk =)

CLOTHES OF THE MONTH

ex good
you see a man wearing nothing but a gun holster wrapped around his butt, and what a Butt it is Too!!!