 GRINCH FOILED AGAIN BY FATHERCHRISTMAS
'Rudy, we have problems' I said.
'The Grinch stole Christmas!' Rudolph looked around
angrily. 'It's up to you Rudolph', I said. 'Me?', he
asked. He paced in distress. 'You have to get him to give
it back,' I said. 'How do I do that?' he demanded,
bewildered.
'Rudolph... I have faith in you', I
said, 'think of poor Cindy Lou Who.' Then the Grinch
arrived. Rudolph backed him against his ship with his
antlers. 'What you looking at Fathead, er Father?' asked
the Grinch. Manners, manners... no wonder he wasn't on my
list!
'Mr Grinch... I have to explain
this to little Cindy Lou', I said. The Grinch handed a
stolen ornament to Stellar, who had been quietly
listening, and Stellar handed it to me. Rudolph glared at
the Grinch, and the Grinch blew raspberries at him. 'So
how about it, Mr. Grinch?' I asked.
Grinch handed Rudolph some black
coal and told him "to do something with that hideous
nose." Rudolph stuffed the coal down Grinch's
throat, and grabbed him by the neck with his hooves. 'Are
you going to give back Christmas?', he demanded.
Stellar rummaged in his pack for
his thumbscrews. 'Goodie - thumbscrews. My kinda
knight.', said the Grinch. 'Fatherchristmas?', asked
Rudolph. 'Yes, Rudy?', I asked. 'Can I put claus marks on
him? puhleassse?', he asked. 'If you put claus marks on
me, will that be reason for a paws?', asked the Grinch.
Rudolph pounced on him. 'My, what
nasty plaque you have my dear,' said the Grinch. Rudolph
told him he was going to bite him really hard. 'Bite
him,' I agreed, 'normally I promote nice things, but bite
the **** out of him!'
The Grinch whacked the reindeer
right in the hooves. Rudolph whacked the Grinch back,
hard. 'You know, Father Christmas, I think the Grinch is
so mean because he never got what he wanted!' he said. 'I
don't think he ever will get what he wants with that
attitude, unless it's a big fat lip!' I replied.
Grinch tied barbed wire around
Rudolph's antlers. 'I think someone has been giving
Rudolph a little too much Christmas cheer!' he exclaimed.
Rudolph poked the grinch in the mouth with his hoof. I
tested the weight of my toy bag, lifting it up and down,
and whipped it around in one swift movement, knocking the
Grinch into next year.
'Oh goodies, now I am all ready for
next year,' he said.
That left only one slightly awkward
matter to take care of. 'Rudolph, how do you feel about
retirement benefits?' I asked.
'Are you saying, the other reindeer
do not want to work with me?' he asked. 'Nononono....' I
said. 'See, Prancer was prancing around, like Prancer
does, you know?' Rudolph nodded. 'And he got a thorn
stuck in his hoof,' I explained, 'then his leg went lame
and we had to put him on bed rest.' 'Oh no!' he
exclaimed.
'All the while, the elves had
invented this new modern sleigh.' Rudolph looked hard at
me. 'Say it ain't so!', he mourned. 'It flies with no
reindeer... so the others, they are at a resort in
Hawaii, soaking up some rays of sunshine', I explained,
'taking the year off.' Rudolph sniffed hard.
'But you! You are my guiding
light… you will ride with me on my flight', I said,
'I hope.' Rudolph pranced proudly around the LP. 'I
always knew we could do without those other reindeer!' he
exclaimed.
THERE
BUT FOR THE GRACE OF MING
In a bizarre incident Magesmiley,
Baron of Glantri triplicated himself over the Christmas
break. Newsdroids, noting that he was on Tinseltown when
he brought this to their attention, were skeptical and
initially directed their inquiries to the quality of the
eggnog Santa provided at the Christmas party.
However they were prevailed upon to
"check out the Meeting Point", where they found
Phiddie and Blackstar, who were not signed on at the
time, as well as two Magesmilies. Interestingly, both of
the phantom Magesmilies shared the original's well-known
dislike of the cleaner, rooted we hear in captainhood
trauma, caused by being required to hold dozens of
objects by snark-crazed fiends.
The cleaner has just arrived.
Magesmiley whacks the cleaner.
Magesmiley whacks the cleaner.
Magesmiley whacks the cleaner.
Galinfenner says, "Wow"
Magesmiley says, "awww"
The cleaner has just left.
Magesmiley mumbles something about stupid cleaner.
Magesmiley mumbles something about stupid cleaner.
Magesmiley mumbles something about stupid cleaner.
Magesmiley says, "poor cleaner"
Galinfenner says, "Dang"
Magesmiley was reticent on the
details of the incident that led to this bizarre
affliction. He did however emphatically deny that the
whoosh was in any way involved, and merely glared when we
suggested the fubar. He became a little more descriptive
when we asked about his symptoms. Apparently he was able
to see what was happening both on Tinseltown and at the
Meeting Point.
"You were getting input
from both rooms?", you ask.
Magesmiley nods
"And everyone saw what was happening in
both", says Magesmiley.
"taking split personality to a new
level...", says Magesmiley.
Certain knowledgeable sources
suggested that Magesmiley had incurred the wrath of
powerful individuals in the game. An incident involving
the casino was mentioned. We found Mario the Knife
lounging against the wall outside his hangout, cleaning
his nails with a switchblade.
'Now, I can't tell ya that, see,'
he said. 'We can't run a cosa nostra if we tell you what
we do - though I will say that messing with the roulette
wheel was a mistake,' he added, 'a big one.' The
Godfather himself could not be reached for comment. An
unsavory-looking man made a suggestion as to how to be
admitted to his presence, but our newsdroids are
clean-living sorts of people, and we rejected the idea
out of hand.
Phiddie, who had apparently been
present, neither commented nor declined to comment, but
invited the newsdroid on a ride to Horsell. He declined,
citing the pressing business of seeking comment. However,
the other Powerful Person we reached wasn't interested in
talking to us. 'I have plenty to say," said a
certain emperor - excuse us, the emperor, we stand
corrected – 'However we prefer to save it for more
interesting conversations.'
A HARD
DAY'S NIGHT
by Fatherchristmas
I was really impressed with the
citizens of Fed this year. They said please and thank you
and were generally polite to an elderly hauler trying to
make deliveries in the face of labour and reindeer
problems. Even Derekj, with a mood of "Bah! Humbug I
say!", gave me a warm hug and thanked me for his
gift.
Of course some of you were harder
to please than others. Antimatter looked at his presents
for a long moment. 'I wanted the Fighting Franky action
figure,' he complained 'but not "Fighting
Franky!"' He looked at me. 'I wanted the bad guy
with reversible heads and lasers!' I gave him my best
look.
'Just kidding', he said hastily,
'It's a Polaroid commercial.' 'Look,' I said. 'I don't do
complaints or exchanges' I said, 'If you aren't happy I
have this elf named Guido.' Antimatter laughed. 'I will
put you on his list,' I threatened. 'Heh...c-ya
around Father', he smiled. I had the feeling he was not
appropriately worried.
Others were skeptical, either of me
or of their gift. Several people checked for ticking
before opening their presents. Someone asked me rather
insistently if I was Ray. 'You don't recognize me?' I
enquired. 'Some people wait up every Christmas of their
lives hoping to see me...' Another skeptic did not guess,
just asked who I was. 'Not from around here, are ya', he
remarked. 'Nope, from up north', I said. 'Ah,' he said,
but still did not appear to recognize me when I handed
him his present.
The reindeer were a recurring
problem. 'I think Blitzen likes Rudolph's nose now, too.'
said Kao. 'Well, that will teach Donder to spy!' replied
Fiesta. Reduit offered pictures of the tryst. Elena
expressed interest. But I had deliveries to make.
'Uni...'I said. 'Here I thought I
was going to have to FedEx yours' I handed her something
small and beautifully wrapped. 'You want Galin's gift
too?' I asked. 'He claims he didn't ask for anything for
Christmas.' Uniquette scoffed as I checked my list. 'I
know what he wants... he's just not getting it', she
said. Galinfenner winked.
'I dunno,' I said, 'just says 'what
you always wanted' next to Uniquette and 'just what you
asked for' next to Galin.' Maybe I was a little
defensive. 'Hey,' I said, 'It's tough to get elves who
will relocate to the north pole. I have to work with what
I can get.'
'I'd cut off my legs and move',
said Uniquette. 'Well, can I have your legs?' asked
Galinfenner. 'And the reindeer,' I said, 'Let me tell you
about the reindeer...'
Galinfenner snickered. 'All of them
lost in DataSpace?' Uni enquired sympathetically. I
nodded. 'A couple weeks chasing Rudolph all over the
DataSpace, and here I am Christmas Eve lugging stuff down
lifts on foot. I am getting too old for this, let me tell
you.'
'You could always fire him and buy
a flashlight', said Uniquette. 'A nice red flashlight',
smiled Galinfenner.'I mean....' I said, 'if he isn't
going to be around on Christmas what good is he?'
Uniquette pondered that. 'I hear deer steaks are pretty
good', she said. I said I was considering that, actually.
Uniquette said, 'If there's any extra I could use some
deer sausage.' Galinfenner bit his tongue. 'Galin...' I
admonished, 'I still have some coal if you don't behave.'
Some people were a little
belligerent. 'Who you calling a 'ho?', asked Reduit.
'Well if the shoe fits,' I smiled, handing him his
Christmas present. Then I ran into some of the reindeer.
'Thanks, Donner. Just make sure Santa doesn't miss my
house... I've been a good girl this year.' said Chyna.
'Hohoho!' I declaimed. 'Speaking of the devil ,' said
Donner. But his mood changed quickly. 'Oh no, it's the
Red nose twerp!' he exclaimed.
'Rudolph!' I exclaimed as I climbed
the steps to CDs. 'I have been looking all over for you!'
I said sternly. Maybe too sternly; he signed off. 'Oh, I
was hoping I would see you. Do you have a present for
me?' asked Hazed. 'You don't have to eat Magesmiley's
shorts... isn't that enough?', I asked. 'I don't even
have to eat my shorts.', she remarked. 'And you
thought I hadn't noticed how good you have been', I said.
Hazed says, 'Well, I know you are
busy, and I know it's hard for you to keep track of
absolutely everyone.' I was determined to look on the
bright side. 'Well, I just found Rudolph', I said. 'Oh
good, I was worried.', said Hazed. 'You were
worried!' I exclaimed. 'I am sure you must be exhausted,
you poor old thing,' she said, tugging my beard
affectionately. I beamed and thought how nice it was to
be appreciated. Then Rudolph was back. 'Wow, someone
wanted my autograph!' he exclaimed. 'I want your head on
me wall,' said Quietus.
'We have been very worried,
Rudolph. I was about to get Donner to guide my sleigh!' I
chided. 'Then put a light in his nose,' suggested
Aragorn. 'Oh man, that red nosed twerp steals my thunder
every year!' Donner complained. 'The red nose is from
following too close to Santa,' someone speculated. Chyna
remarked that she would 'stifle the obvious comeback.' I
was delighted. 'Chyna, you just made the extra-good list
for that.' I really believe in rewarding those who make
great efforts to remain polite.
Some people were very easy to
please. 'Do I get a gift?', asked Windy with a wink. She
was dressed in a toe-tag. 'Clothes would work... ' she
noted. One person even gave me a dradel, although he or
she later accused me of being Christian, and I had to set
him or her straight. 'Doing LP to LP stops now ?', asked
Ikspec with a wink, 'No more chimneys?' I looked at him.
'Heck no' I said. He unwrapped his present with childish
glee and pulled out a dual Mrtian squasher! 'Just what I
wanted.' he exclaimed.
A few other people also needed to
be set straight. 'Shouldn't you be working this
evening?', asked Ldyemrald. I nodded at her package and
wondered what she thought I was doing? 'Oh yeah' she
said. Thanked me nicely too.
Many of you were difficult to
deliver to, because you are such busy people. A number of
you could not be pulled from your ships; others
repeatedly walked right past me. I got in touch with
those of you I was able to. I asked Iwillvoid for example
'... shall I leave your present on the LP? Stevedores
might get it.' He emerged then. 'We weren't able to get
what you asked for in extra large and purple' I
explained. He pouted a little. 'I hope you have some fun
with this though,' I said, and pulled out a foot-long
package. He beamed and told me he would put it under his
tree, and was still looking for a tree when I left.
One baroness that I had actually
missed in my deliveries thanked me copiously anyway.
'Thanks for the best Christmas present a woman could ever
get! I don't know what you did but thanks' she told me. I
said sure... no problem. It wasn't, after all...
Others asked for a lot but were
actually rather easy to please. 'It's a little big...', I
said. Jonathan smiled. 'And they didn't have all the
options you requested, so we played with it a little...'
I added, 'but I think you will like it, ho ho ho.'
'Can't be too big... fully tested
and functional... excellent', he smiled.
Others wanted a little too much. As
I arrived on Waterford I shook my head over the previous
client. 'I asked her where she was and she said... get
laid,' I told Kristal. 'And I said nuh uh!' She giggled.
'So... did you?'
'No way!' I exclaimed, 'I am
already in deep trouble with the missus.' She comforted
me. 'All in the line of duty, tell her that,' said
Kristal. 'Nope nope', I said, 'not going there.' Kristal
laughed. 'So are you sure you have been good?' I
asked. 'Honest I have,' she smiled, 'way way good.' She
was pretty and she was nice. 'Mmm let me see what I have
for someone who has been way way good', I said. I fished
in my bag and pulled out... success in all ventures.
'Wow', smiled Kristal. 'Will this
do?' I wondered with a smile. 'It's perfect', she assured
me. 'Merry Xmas, Father...don't work too hard,' she said.
I smiled ironically. 'On Christmas Eve she tells me
this,' I noted. She promised to think of me the next day
while I was soaking my feet.
Then, just as I was finishing my
rounds, I saw him. Prancer, cavorting on the Earth LP.
'We will be discussing this,' I informed him.
'you, me and Rudolph. The best suggestion I have had is
reindeer steak.' Zorra handed me some BBQ sauce. Prancer
just laughed and moved off. Who is this Rodney
Dangerfield person, anyway... it isn't me. Honest.
DATELINE
NORTH POLE
Report from the North
pole:
Due to close calls between sleigh
and ship this year the Federation Aviation Association
has required Santa to use running lights!
Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer was
reported at being incensed by the relegation and at being
moved to portside and used as a running light while three
other deers with white shiny noses were moved to lead,
starboard and rear running lights. Rudolf was last seen
heading into the wastes of Sol in a huff! Father
Christmas refused to comment and was said to have cheeks
rosy with anger. Rudolf has now been officially reported
as AWOL, and hasn't been seen in a week!
The Sagebrushed reporter, Baron
Raphael, reporting from the north pole.
THIRTY
WAYS TO SHOW SOMEONE
You have seen them - the groups on
the Earth LP, about to timewarp to or just fallen out of
Horsell. The alliances are forming, the deals are being
struck, and yes, people are helping each other to do the
puzzle. People are comparing notes, teaming up and
fetching pieces for each other.
Promotion in Federation requires
cooperation with others. This is one of the game's most
salient characteristics. You cannot become an Explorer or
do Snark without poor people; for the most part poor
people promote faster given help from some rich cousins.
So what then to make of the squabbling and the flame
wars, the one-upmanship and the snobbery? If Fed is to
survive, it must become more than a mutual admiration
society of Baronesses. The conflict, if intelligent, can
be amusing, and those who complain about scroll need to
consider whether they would not be complaining if on the
other hand nobody was talking, and whether they ever
tuned channel 9 in the heyday of AOL scroll.
Somewhere in the clash between the
urge to argue and the need to cooperate is an interesting
tension. For every discussion that turns ugly there is
somewhere one where someone is giving someone else
something to think about. This may be in the form of
reasoned discussion or of a ruthlessly administered
tongue-lashing. In both everyone involved takes note of
something, if only that so-and-so, for example, does not
take kindly to remarks about his wife or his duchy.
Sometimes, however, it is difficult to believe that the
participants are in fact speaking the same language.
For example, a Baron recently
attended a class and asked a rather technical question.
The person teaching the class felt that recent code
changes might affect the answer and promised a follow-up
by email once he could determine whether this was so. The
Baron got huffy and left after making a derogatory post
about the class. In this instance the Baron did not
appear to be listening. A Squire who was present, looking
for a change of subject, asked whether a rather arcane
workbench question, the only one that came to mind, would
be in order. Noting that this was not the subject matter
of the class, the teacher nonetheless offered to attempt
to answer it. The question was complex and involved the
use of events for particular effects. Another Squire, who
had been silent until that point and had not asked a
single question, excused himself, saying that the subject
matter appeared to be over his head.
Ultimately the second Squire was
responsible to ask questions if he didn't understand, but
the entire sequence is a reminder that we all bring
baggage to Fed, whether it is a chip on our shoulder or a
feeling of inadequacy. Without going so far as to say
that the teacher or the first Squire should have
reassured the others present - for how could they know it
was necessary, and wouldn't it have appeared
condescending to try?
This is an example of a situation
where someone decided that something was too hard, which
is always sad. It also raises the issue of our
responsibility towards each other. The second Squire, a
new player, appeared to be interested in playing
long-term, or why would he be attending classes? He
appears to still play Fed but may possibly be wary now of
attempting events on his planet, a loss to all of us,
awash as we are in a sea of stock water minis.
This is not to say we all need to
speak like Barney, and hug and kiss each other. In the
opinion of at least some, quite enough people hug each
other in Fed, thank you. And at least some of the
argument on 9 is staged, or as one participant put it
once, friendly sparring. But to look at the question in
yet another light, consider the player offended by a
rather commonplace British expression, in fact quite
innocuous in its meaning, but which to the player
conveyed bathroom events whose discussion was not
appropriate to the conversation. Was the British player
responsible to realize the expression could be
misconstrued? While this might be so if the conversation
had taken place on North American soil, and not so if on
British, what is the etiquette in a virtual and
international meeting place such as this one?
If that seems a small question,
consider this one. The British player was involved in
twitting an American player, no doubt a praiseworthy
pastime when carried out in the corner and when the
target is either nameless and faceless or a public figure
such as Bill Clinton. The American in question, while not
amused, was attempted to respond with self-deprecating
humor, which according to his script was supposed to
cause the other party to laugh, after which they would be
good buddies because the American could "Take A
Joke". The British player instead became even dryer
and more insulting, to the point of not allowing the
American to speak. It was unclear whether he expected the
American to exchange insults.
The American eventually left, quite
upset. This exchange took place in front of a number of
people in a public place. One onlooker commented that the
American had interrupted a rather involved discussion of
British politics with trite and inappropriate comments.
Nuke them all, perhaps? Such things have certainly
happened, but... did anyone learn any better here? Should
anyone have learned better? The participants in this
exchange are unlikely to try to talk to one another
again. Is this a good thing? We don't play Fed to get in
touch with our finer feelings after all, we play Fed
to... to... be ourselves? Be more than ourselves? Doesn't
this mean to grow?
VIRGINS
CONTEMPLATE AN UNCERTAIN FUTURE
Much wailing and gnashing of teeth
issued from Miss Daphne's Finishing School for Virgins as
the Duke puzzle was conclusively demonstrated to in fact
be working.
'I wanted to be the one.' sobbed a
particularly lucious example, dabbing at her eyes with a
handkerchief (Maidenly Mannerism 54a, with the addition
of a sideways glance to measure its effect), 'It's way
hard to be so irresistable the puzzle gods will relent
when they have already relented.' She blew her nose
prettily into her handkerchief, and was rebuked by the
chaperone the school provided for the interview. 'Wipe,
honey, wipe,' she scolded, and the virgin nodded
guiltily.
She broke down altogether when
asked what she would do now. 'I don't want to work
in the canteen again,' she wailed. The canteen on Earth?
wondered our newsdroid, wondering how it could have
failed to notice this particularly pneumatic specimen.
She sobbed louder, oblivious to the matron's reproving
stare. 'Nooooooooo,' she wailed, 'on Tttt.. titan...' The
droid reports thinking that the court beat might have
some compensations after all. 'Leave it to me,' he told
her, 'Me and Godot are tight. I can get you into the one
on Earth, and maybe you will do me the honor one day of
allowing me to share your lunch hour?' She gazed at it
with stars in her eyes. 'Oh,' she breathed, 'that would
be wonderful... Hazed said it was that or Diesel's... and
who wants to tend bar at Diesel's?'
'Um,' said the droid, most
expressively, 'Hazed? Tend bar?' The virgin nodded. 'I
mean, that's what you do when you work a bar,
right?' she asked. The newsdroid suddenly felt it best
seek clarification on this entire issue and excused
itself.
BORING
TO TEARS WHILE TRYING TO IMPRESS
by Elin
It is easy to say we need all our
players. In a business sense this is true, until a player
drives other players away and in effect causes a net
loss.
It is difficult at times to
remember this. A new player often has an overwhelming
number of questions, or cannot seem to cope with
directions to the office block. And what about the player
that simply doesn't? I recently saw a new player
repeatedly ply a couple of staff members with questions
about why were there so few players and how did the link
from AOL work. It was approximately 3.00am eastern and
there was not an usually small number of players, and the
questions about AOL made no sense, even with the best
will in the world.
This single player converted me
from the position that we need to attract each and every
player that we can to the position that well, maybe not.
Granted, anyone can ask a foolish question, and I myself
have asked many in my time. But if I am told that my
questions make no sense I will seek clarification, and if
am told I am bothering the people I am asking I will stop
asking questions or ask where the information can be
found. This player however assumed be was being snubbed
and set about proving that he was interesting.
Perhaps he didn't really believe he
was interesting, because he tried to prove he was by
fabrication. The details don't matter, but he claimed to
have played a game on a platform where it never existed,
and on a computer he had apparently never seen. Here is
the crux of it. He assumed that his own background --
cause he must have had one - wasn't interesting and made
one up. Nothing wrong with that offhand, although
personally I prefer to spend my time with people who are
genuine, but he also did it badly, underestimating his
audience in a way that at bottom was almost insulting.
At one time I also had an almost
unlimited confidence in my ability to make something up
on the spot; I think we all do as adolescents. But this
confidence is rooted in the idea that we are smarter than
the people we are talking to, and as adults we generally
find that this is less and less often the case, and at
the same time find in it less and less often necessary to
do so, because if they are so stupid, why would we be
talking to them? This player however claimed to be in his
mid-forties. Personally I didn't believe him, but if this
was in fact the case he had some growing up still to do.
So what am I saying? I think this
player is still with us, and maybe that is good. I am not
sure. He may learn otherwise in time, and even have some
things to say in the end; I would like to believe so. But
I saw watching him that it is pointless to try to prove
how interesting you are, and I respect the staff members
in question for putting up with him, as he was not only
obnoxious but also sarcastic. Perhaps I am saying that it
is all too easy to say how things should be done when you
are not personally caught up in the nitty-gritty of
individual player interactions. This is not to say that
we need to mindlessly approve of what happens here, but
merely that perhaps we should remember it isn't always as
easy as it sometimes seems to us.
DATASPACE
SNERT COMMUNITY GAINS SUPPORT
by Danny
Snert (n) - 1) Someone who causes
annoyance to large groups of higher ranking people. 2)
Prey for stronger species (a stronger species is anything
with a halfway organized cellular structure, such as a
fern). 3) Probably some kind of cheese in some country
like France or Belgium.
Since the big universal shift of
yore, the Snert community of DataSpace has been low. At
one time, Snerts ran free throughout their natural
habitats, such as the Cantina and Casino. They were
widely hunted for sport with, due to their highly
annoying nature, full PETA (People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals) approval and encouragement. But
then the universe shifted and the Snert population
declined, bad news for avid Snert hunters but good news
for Blood Zone and Capture the Flag.
But the Snerts are making a
comeback rivaling that of some species in the late 20th
century Earth. The first Snert sighting by this reporter
was about Stardate 211109 on what was the Snert-free
haven of channel 9. This sighting came in the form of
Wiggin. Wiggin, a Commander (standard Snert rank), was
obviously totally out of place on channel 9. He/she was
laughing at complaints from legitimate POs. He/she was
asking everyone there to try to get him/her, but not
taking action. Wiggin became the most wanted on
everyone's "to kill" list.
So, as a public service to others,
I'm using my memory of the Snerts of history to give you
this list of warning signs that someone might just be a
Snert and therefore fair game:
- If you see the phrase
"Yeah? Well I can use any macro I want. You
just go and tell any Nav, Host, or Staff you want
about it!" or anything like that, you're
witnessing a Snert attack.
- If you see a Commander or
Captain you don't recognize as someone you know
on the PO channel picking fights with combat
event champions, that person is fair game.
- If you get random threatening
TBs from someone of low rank who you've never
heard of before, that person is probably either a
disguised friend or, more likely, a Snert.
- If the person you're talking
to is named Wiggin, kill it now.
These are just a few of the warning
signs, there are many more, but I just can't think of
them now, so don't ask me. That'd make you a Snert.
A
CLOSER LOOK
by Elin
A text game offers limitless
opportunity for exploring both motivations and feelings,
as we can simply tell each other that we are angry or
aroused or nervous; it also offers endless opportunity
for misunderstanding.
Consider Mees this week, very
offended that the overlord of Everlast, where he had
DDed, had told him to "suck up". Miasma, an
American where Mees is British, retorted that he had in
fact said "suck it up," meaning stop whining.
Mees of course in his eyes wasn't whining; he merely
pointed out to another player what he politely presumed
to be an error in his planet. Miasma meanwhile assumed
that people know to stay away from his planets, and that
if they don't they are in either stupid or in macro. Mees
of course is a genuinely new player, who has only begun
to play since the IBGames removed in/out space movements
as measure against Miasma's planets.
Or consider the player who is
separately told by two friends of appropriate genders
that each wished they had a willing partner handy. The
player put them in touch; they knew each other but had
not thought of each other in this context. One of them
however decides that friendship for the former mate of
the other precluded following through, and informs the
former mate of the conversation. The former mate seeks
out the first player and demands an explanation. The
first player was offended at being called a pimp and
tells the former mate, until then also a friend, to get
lost. Here we have dramatically opposite perceptions of
the same events by totally sincere and intelligent
people. Who like each other, even.
There are, granted, no easy answers
to these questions, which assume that everyone involved
is acting in good faith, But maybe if we are all at least
aware that we do not all see things in the same way, we
will, if not get along better, at least have more
intelligent arguments.
DIESEL
HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE
Moon, Lunar Casino - After hearing
several different usages of her name, Diesel, owner of
CDs held a press conference at the lunar casino in order
to clear everything up.
Ms. Diesel was quoted as saying
'Some people out there believe that my name is Chez
Diesel. I have let this misconception go on long enough.
Chez is not my name!'
Soon after the crowd of newsbots
and compulsive gamblers began a series of shouting,
yelling, and screaming as the shock and amazement filled
the room. Ms. Diesel then contiued to say 'Chez just
means (The place of) or (belonging to). That means CDs
really means "Diesel's Place."'
Ms. Diesel then left followed by a
group of Traders. The scope and range of the damage that
will occur from this newfound information has yet to be
determined. Hundreds of official imperial papers have to
be corrected as will all the boxes of Diesel's own
breakfast cereal "Diesel Flakes".
When asked about it, one Trader
simply had this to say 'I wish she had told me Chez
wasn't her name after I had Chez permanently attached to
my clothes description.'
A PEEK
INTO THE LIFE OF A REDNECK
Sometimes, when you least expect
it, you locate something that you thought was lost
forever… or, like in this case, hoped was lost. The
plague that hit the rednecks of Titan 50 years ago must
have missed a few that continued to breed and have now
reappeared.
We take you on a behind-the-scene
look as we capture these rednecks in their native
inhabitant - a bar.
Stevec has bought you a finest
dark lager from the Duke's own private cache, brewed
at Fed's first brewery by otherwise idle workthingies
in between floggings.
Kaipanther makes a note to have his pirates raid the
brewery in the near future
Stevec makes a note to be sure the outhouse is in the
firing line...
Stevec hasn't cleaned it in awhile..
"you two are doing a good job of outrednecking
each other", says Elin.
"I'll make sure to send a missile right down the
ole hole an clean yer pipes real goood =p", says
Kaipanther.
Stevec exclaims, "Thank you!"
"that's what "She' said the other
morning", says Kaipanther with a wink.
Stevec has found the one job he hates more than
anything else.
Stevec exclaim, "Uhm....not that one! LOL!"
Stevec tosses his blanket over his lap "I may be
a grandpa, but I still love that missile-hole thing,
sonny"
Kaipanther thinks duct tape's just not to be
discussed in front of polite company an little
children anyway =p
Stevec asks, "Who's cousin ya talkin'
'bout?"
"knowing my family, probably one of mine",
says Kaipanther.
Stevec laughs!
"Yours, too, huh?", Stevec says with a
wink.
"you know you've got one of those families when
they hang out on different ends of a park during a
reunion", says Kaipanther with a wink.
"Oh, no. See, mine mingle looking for
husbands/wives. We trade, as is the custom.",
Stevec says with a wink.
Kaipanther says, "and somebody's always asking
Uncle Buck 'Not to drive his motercycle into the
shelter house, no matter how hard its raining'"
Stevec says, "Wimps drive their Harley's under
shelters.... We chase tornados and
hail-storms..."
Kaipanther grins and shrugs, not sure about admitting
losing his virginity to a cousin when he was 12
"Late bloomer, eh?", Stevec says with a
wink.
"They grow 'em slow in Ioway...", Stevec
says.
"too many older cousins", says Kaipanther
with a wink.
Stevec asks, "younger ones ugly?"
"naw, thats was the neighbors kids. We just had
too many guys to gals ratio", says Kaipanther.
Stevec winks and says, "well, there's always the
cows..."
"which probably explains why we found cousin
David in the sheep barn at 4 am", says
Kaipanther.
Kaipanther chuckles
"Oh, that's right...ya'll got sheep... Well, I
had this cousin sooooo ugly, the cows ran
away...", Stevec says.
"Ever seen a cow run?", Stevec asks.
Stevec exclaims, "What a sight!!!!"
Stevec notes Uni is from Iowa...
Kaipanther grins and nods
Stevec thinks she might be jealous....
Kaipanther says, "Uni's redneck, deep
down...Even if she don't like to admit it"
Kaipanther says, "ye can take the soul out of
the country, but ya can never take the country out of
the soul"
"Amen! Brother! Hallelujah!", Stevec
smiles.
Zoos from around the galaxy have
been informed of these rednecks showing up in CDs and
have but in their bids to catch and display them for all
to see.
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